Does this happen to you?

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I'm 25, an adult, and I've lived abroad on my own for work (software engineer). A few times a year when I'm very sleep deprived (insomnia) I'll have a particularly extreme reaction to loud noises where I start shaking, crying, and feel like I'm in mortal danger from someone or something along with the usual panic attack stuff. I become absolutely terrified of uncovered windows in the house. I'm fully aware that it's irrational when it's happening, but that doesn't seem to have an effect. I feel an extreme desire to very specifically hide my face from the outside. I almost always wind up curling into a ball under my blanket until dawn, after which I'm able to fall asleep but the next day is pure anxiety, to a point where I can't work. Does this happen to you?

It's not just me then!

It's not specifically loud noises for me, it's almost any noise if I can't determine what or where it is, but the feeling of mortal danger and the desperate need to hide are the same. I have to get myself covered head-to-toe by the bedclothes as soon as I can. If I'm not in bed, I have to watch all doors and windows like a hawk, and could not possibly turn my back to them - I have the overwhelming feeling that something wants to get in, or that there is something behind me.

That is definitely the most uncanny part of it. Because for me it's about the uncertainty of the noise, I will be on tenterhooks listening for the sound again, hardly able to breath because I'm listening so hard. At the same time my rational mind will be quite calmly analysing the sound and the possible causes of it. The episode will slowly pass if I manage to assure myself that I've worked out what it is - but if the sound doesn't happen again, or I can't work it out, it will continue until I fall asleep from exhaustion. And the whole while, I'm totally aware how silly it seems to be behaving like a small child who thinks there is a monster under the bed!


That particularly made me want to respond. I've had chronic late-onset insomnia all my life, just like my Mum. Two or three hours sleep before school/work, and occasionally none at all, is our "normal". I'm most likely to have one of these episodes after a few days of that, always in the late evening. It's about the time of day when the sluggish brain I've had all day from being so exhausted suddenly decides that, no, it's had enough of being tired now and has lots of thinking that it wants to do (I hope that makes sense!)

Note that I don't believe in any kind of ghosts or spirits, and despite these episodes I don't feel that I have ever witnessed anything supernatural.

Glad it's not just me. I don't believe in anything supernatural and I'm not religious. I've never thought I saw anything either, I'd describe it as a sensation that I'm in danger even though I know full well I'm not.

A particular occasion happened the night before last. An amber alert (explanation and link is at the end) had gone off at max volume at 1AM when I was asleep and I swear I've never been that startled before. I noticed that there was a small crack between my curtains where I could see the window and while it's lit pretty well outside I just couldn't determine if someone was there or not concretely and then panicked. I also did keep thinking about that sound and every time I did it led me right back into panic.

I seem to be unable to listen to most emergency alarms without getting extremely anxious, eventually having a panic attack if I don't turn it off. Even watching YouTube videos of tsunami alarms or amber alert causes instant severe anxiety.

Amber alerts are emergency alerts that are sent to everyone's phones within a certain radius of a location when a child is missing. They are also displayed on signs on our equivalent of motorway. The intention is to get as many people looking for the child as possible and usually contain license plates or description of people (and/or the child) involved. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxF2c_nhiGM

It's definitely something distinct from what I would think of as an autistic melt-down too. I have those sometimes from excessive social stress, sensory overload etc. but they are very different - there's no clear, rational part to them, and not the same feeling of mortal danger and hyper-arousal (more of a "shut down" than a "melt down".)

I've always rationalised it as there being some part of my brain that maybe just can't stay "powered up" sometimes due to the insomnia - something that links the rational and emotional parts of the brain that would normally keep them "synchronised" with each other. I feel a little like that anyway when I'm running on empty after a run of bad nights - as if only the vital parts of my brain are switched on, and everything else is on standby power only (what I call "being on autopilot".)

I did this yesterday. Someone sat behind me on the bus and was playing really loud dubstep-music so that the whole bus was shaking by the base (it was an impressive portable speaker). I tried to make myself ask him to turn if off, but I was just paralyzed. Holding my ears and crying and shaking more and more as the ride went on. Eventually he stepped off, which was really embarrassing because now the whole bus could hear me crying and I had to panickly interact with some nice lady who were only trying to help.
Have no idea what to do about it. I should've just stepped off the bus. Would've been worth waiting an hour for the next one not to have my whole day ruined.

Yes, almost exactly this happened to me several times over the course of a year (although I wasn't able to identify at the time that it was a panic attack, and I had to un-cover all of the windows so I could see out of them), it's difficult to know how I rationalised what I was doing or how I managed to work at all!

I'm only describing my case here, but after a while I had had enough and decided to go into therapy. After a string of unsuccessful strategies (somemade it alot worse, such as group-therapy ), and after things got slightly worse I decided to attempt medication (along with continued therapy of course). It's not for everyone, and it has its flaws, but I found that this helped considerably - to the extent that while I still had problems with insomnia, I at least no longer had the existential feeling of dread and frequent panic attacks. I suppose it gave me a clearer head, allowing me to think about what might be causing me stress, and what I might be able to do to reduce this? This doesn't mean that I'm not bothered by loud noises anymore of course.

At the time I found that this had a limited impact (although it is something that you have to practice when you're not panic'ed.