Never missed my Mom more

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I don't know why, but yesterday (as I write this) was the worse I felt since my Mom passed away. Maybe it was a change in the seasons, maybe it was the end of Summer, but I wept part of yesterday morning. It should be noted that my Dad felt worse than me, for perspective, as he cried at least once every hour between 5 and 9 AM.

Also, Mom's absence seems to have caused my autism/AS symptoms to worsen at times. This includes listening/communication difficulties, and anxiety in overwhelming situations (like this evening as me and my family sat down to a Labor Day cookout dinner).

What, if anything, can I do to remedy this?

You got my sympathies.

I don't know what to tell you to make it better. It will be 7 years the end of this month, and I still cry for my dad.

I have an alexithymic's response to this, but have to be very careful about sharing that - often people get offended or upset by "coldness."
Most people say that only time remedies these kinds of feelings, and it improves with the passage of that time.
If you cared about your mother perhaps you'll always miss her, but that should soften as you go on. In a way, better or worse, you get used to the absence. Perhaps you and your father can make each other feel better, by being there for each other if you're both sad about it? Perhaps that can even help your communication issues, with him at least, through that shared feeling?
Just a thought.

My mom has been gone six years, and I still miss her. I also felt as though my functioning went downhill and all my weaknesses were exposed after she died. I realized what a nothing I was: no friends, no driver's license, unmarried, no chance at ever meeting anyone, hopeless. I still cry today and feel sorry that my mom can't see what progress I have made.

Even today, I wonder why my mom is gone and someone like me, with no apparent reason to live six years ago, was allowed to live. I have made a lot of progress since then, but I will never be like my mom. The only thing I inherited from her was my love of animals, especially cats.

Who knows. Maybe she can.

I tend to cling to that belief. Some days, the only thing that keeps me from giving in to pressure to do things I KNOW are wrong (like parenting my kids harshly, or being incredibly stupid with finances like my hubby's family) is the knowledge/belief that my mother, stepmother, father, and grandmothers are watching me from Somewhere. Considering the statistics for outcomes with undiagnosed autism, they raised me INCREDIBLY well. Believing that I'll have to explain my actions to them some day gives me the courage to do what I know is right in the face of a lot of pressure to behave in wrong ways.

That said, I feel very guilty/angry that I wasn't able to be a neurotypical daughter/granddaughter and give my mother and her mother the kind of relationships I know they wanted and very much deserved. I know that they loved me, very much, just the way I was/am. But I would have liked to give them what they SHOULD have had.

Again, I take some comfort from believing that someday we will see each other again in a state of being such that it won't matter any more.

I wonder, often still, why someone as completely worthless as myself was chosen to continue living and someone like my dad, who had an intellectually disabled wife, an abused sister, and a mother with dementia depending on him (as well as being a much better grandfather than I will ever be a mother) was chosen to die. I also wonder why it couldn't have been a complete ass like my FIL instead. Some things, I will never understand.

Today was one of those days when I saw that any "progress" I made was an illusion, only window dressing, a Band-Aid on a weeping sore. I really can't do anything and those things I know and can do mean nothing to anyone. It's a crushing realization.

I’ve felt the same way, though your mom has been gone longer than mine and a slightly different situation socially (friends, drivers license, etc.) I feel as though every time I make progress, I end up going backwards (mainly because I have head up my you-know-what).

I’ve been able to cook my own meals on occasion, but have trouble with trying not to overwork our washer and dryer while doing laundry (my Dad has been getting on me for not washing both clothes in the hamper).