2018 is going to be the same as last year

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If you were so "bad," how did you get the job at the library?

Thank you, dragonsanddemons. I used to really want to have a creative life but my dreams fell and smashed on the ground. I feel like there is no way I can ever try again with them. I didn't succeed immediately so I am a forever failure.



I didn't want the job. My mother forced me into it.

I think I need a break from this forum. I am getting burned out and the cut and paste robots are ruining the atmosphere here.

Why don't you want to work in a library?

I work in a library, too. It's a great job.

And you're around books, around intellect all day.

It's been my only job in my life so far and it gets tedious doing the same things over and over for nearly 12 years.

Unlike what people typically expect from libraries, it's not very quiet or clean here. Patrons tend to talk loudly, whether it's too each other in person or on their cellphones despite warning signs that say "Please turn off your cellphone!", and lately we've had a large influx of homeless people who make the place stink because they don't have access to showers (A lot of the homeless shelters have shut down and the churches will only feed them, not give them a place to stay), they mess up the bathrooms, deal drugs or alcohol, and sleep on the couches. We've actually been getting a lot of comments lately about the place stinking.

I know what you mean.

At the Jamaica branch of the Queens Public Library, the homeless take "baths" in the sinks of the bathrooms.

It's hard when I have to go to the bathroom. But where else can the homeless wash themselves?

That's happened here as well.

The toilets are also gross all the time. It always smells in the bathrooms as well so I often have to hold my nose unless I can use one of the staff bathrooms.

Part of the reason why the shelters shut down was because a lot of the homeless were dealing drugs, drinking bathtub gin or moonshine, and soliciting hookers.

Why is your manager not doing anything about the homeless people and people talking loudly? Does the library not have a janitor or access to cleaning services?

I do feel sorry for the homeless people but there has to be a cut off point where one just finally says no! Your boss needs to be more strict about the rules.

well last year was just uncertainty bout my living arrangements where had to move into different location and was unsure if its a long term arrangement and had to be upfront with my debts to my family which was difficult but its behind me now

looking forward this year, my debt will hopefully be resolved, can't say my job hunting will change, hard to get a job around here, even more uncertain bout where to live if things go bad, unable to rely on friends for a place to stay, being homeless more a reality

so... I became an artist, and while I can make a living, it's not so much about art, actually, but rather about pressing the right buttons in photoshop and after effects. I'm bored and wish I had become an actual engineer, rather than just an image-manipulation-engineer....

my question regarding those last episodes of evangelion- well, they were referring to your avatar, but also: the point is that there need ato be some self acceptance going on with you. So guitar playing wasn't your thing, and you can't draw the way you want to. fine. did you actually enjoy doing either of those - I mean, did you enjoy the process?
because.... you may like the result (music, art), but the result is just something you occasionally look back on and think: yeah, I made that. The questions is: did I like making it? - and if you can't find enjoyment in the process, but only care for the result, you probably won't find happiness in this anyway.
personally, I enjoy the process, which is the only way I can work for clients - because what they want me to produce is often boring and pointles beyond belief - but I try to make it fun for myself while doing it. sometimes not even that works.

so the questiin should be: what do you enjoy doing, rather than what do you enjoy as a finished product (music, manga, whatever).
Maybe you take pleasure in cooking, for example - even though you might not care so much about eating food.
maybe you like driving?

I hope you get my point. think about processes you enjoy, not products.

I feel the exact same. I honestly feel as if I’m going to have another mundane, crap, sh***y year in which I don’t achieve anything and just feel disappointed like every other year in my life.