Life Is Passing Me By

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I'm finding it very difficult to get things done that I need to get done to propel myself forward in life in general. I want to be exercising, monitoring my calorie intake and taking a more proactive approach to looking for work but the lack of routine and consistency in my life is making it very difficult to get anything done. I have little in the way of external motivating factors keeping me on track, and a huge chunk of time where I'm not sure what to do with myself.

I'm pretty sure I'd have an easier time organising myself if I had a central activity throughout the day that I was incentivised/rewarded for or even just enjoyed that would keep me occupied for a portion of time that I could then plan the rest of my day around (like a job), but I have no such thing. I like things to work like clockwork but right now my life is more like a broken clock. It's difficult to motivate yourself to do things when leisure or 'me time' is the default rather than a privilege or luxury, and when the only consequence for not getting anything done is not moving forward rather than having to answer to somebody or having something revoked.

My life was always that same way for a very long time. I'd go days and months just doing the hobbies I had without any structure to them. I think the only pressure I felt to do more goal-oriented activities, like going to college, were the critical comments that I would get from loved ones.

The thing that helped me to feel more purpose was making one routine. I started taking walks every morning to do some exercise and get out of the house. It became really enjoyable and helped me clear my mind, so I could think of things i might want to do.

Eventually I ended up adding in a few more routines, and it made me feel like i had stuff to do every day. I think it's easier to stick to something I chose to do, rather than doing stuff that other people pressured me to do.

Aye, I've been.. less than productive this Winter & can relate. I have a lot of goals but haven't truly been working on them. Its been a very nice staycation with only part time work and plenty of free time to read, go to the beach for bonfires, chat with friends and family, deal with some medical issues, help some friends and family out.. but now that Spring has rolled around I'm feeling the necessary urge to get back to being very busy with work & life and move forward on goals - I just haven't quite spurred myself into high gear action yet. In time, bit by bit, I'll get back to it.

You will, too. Acknowledging it helps. What are you going to do today that'll set you up for being back on track tomorrow? (or w/e your timeframe is.)

I feel that way too, except I am working on it since I've gotten the basics of my life more or less in order... it's just that despite doing my best, it's not enough. No matter how hard I work I still don't seem to get forward.

Can you get any support services, that could help you set an achievable goal and reasonable steps toward achieving it?

One of the problems for a lot of autistic people is the so-called "executive functions," which include planning and carrying out plans. So finding a coach who can assist with this, may be very helpful. A support worker could be someone through a disability agency, or it can be a therapist - but you have to be outspoken about what you are engaging them for, or else they will impose an agenda on you. (Don't blame someone else for pushing their agenda - when you haven't provided one of your own! My first husband was totally indecisive, but he would blame me for "having my way" too often - while never making any decisions of his own. Not fair!)

Chaining behaviors to an existing routine is a really good way to establish them as habits. For instance, at bedtime I brush my teeth, wash my face and moisturize it, take my meds, and use the toilet. Then I plug in my rechargeable devices, watch a little tv, then go to sleep. If I skip any of those actions, it can throw my night and the next day into disarray. If I have to start a new behavior and can just add it to the existing routine, it's much easier to remember to do it, than if it was a standalone behavior.

Likewise, both my spouse and I take certain meds at mealtimes. It's important that we not skip doses. Having the pills right at the table, and putting them into a small pill cup as soon as we sit down to eat, ensures that we remember the meds MOST of the time. However, if we go out to eat, or even order a pizza and eat it while watching tv, we are more likely to forget the dose.

I hope this was helpful.