My friend calls me incel

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Likewise.

I realize this question was directed at superaliengirl, but let me give you some ideas.

You could exercise more and develop a better body (and I am not saying there is anything wrong with how you are now). Exercise will also help you feel less depressed.

You could develop some talents, such as music. Maybe you could practice more and take some lessons. (In another thread, I asked you about the availability of community classes in various topics)

You could use some self-help books to improve how you handle depression. Try out some of the exercises, etc.

Get into therapy (which you are already doing)

Move in the direction of living independently. I kind of think that is more possible than you currently believe.

The thing is, Marknis, as you do these things you will not only be more adult and successful, but you will have better self esteem and self confidence. And those traits are attractive to others.

And don't think of yourself as "incel." Ever!

Think of yourself as "emerging out of celibacy."

I actually saw a self-help book at Barnes and Noble called How to Be Single and Happy (It had a tagline about keeping your sanity while searching for a partner) and thought maybe I found a solution but when I looked through it, it only dealt with female singles. I can't find anything for male singles or for both genders.

Don't have to be celibate, just single is enough.
Or married with several children, after all Jordan Peterson is having that term thrown at him now. :LOL:
http://dailycaller.com/2018/06/15/jorda ... sor-incel/

I honestly think that has to be some kind of record, for the fastest time a word has gone from having some kind of definition to being a content free generic insult.

Society still seems to have a twisted view as ever on sex and dating and fitting in. And it gets that much more screwed up with this exclusive male incel thing. They assume it is so much harder for men but for women we have to doll up and have a great emotionally expressive personality, and be successful and talented at many things at the same time in order to attract a decent relationship. For people like me who have had mental illness on top of autism due to society's pressure and dysfunction (and being emotionally fragile, and a shut in due to being hurt, bullied and criticized too much and then put on psych meds to become numb to the world and have little motivation to seek a better life for myself) it's near impossible to find somebody to have a loving LTR with.... I have a lot of anger and resentment at society and guys in the past in school who ignored me or didn't flirt with me or ask me out and I became increasingly depressed at feeling like a social reject..... All I needed was a man's touch and flirtations to send me looking for that kind of feeling I never knew before.... Don't get me wrong, a few guys since I was around 23-24 has tried to date with me but these guys all had sexual intentions and not loving and caring LTR ones... These guys were after a forced and coerced sexual relationship ... I was a complete incel til then... And I wish I was still a complete incel.... I will remain as best I can to be celibate until I find the love and LTR I am seeking..... And I know there are good guys out there who would like to follow the normal protocol of attractions, flirtations, communicating, dating and love, and then sex and future considerations after a strong emotional tie is formed, who are just as lonely as i am.....

This whole incel thing is just another symptom of how sick our society has become... I don't even want to feed into the anger about it all... I just know due to my experiences that our society in the USA is sick and a lot of people are spiritually screwed up, selfish, and do not consider the emotional needs of certain people who are struggling a lot.... My own heart has been completely voided so many times due to other peoples not caring that it is extremely hard to find love within myself to offer to anybody. But I am trying now. There are very few good and truly caring people left it seems. And I do not want to be trapped into the guilt and negativity about it all anymore.... I just wanna get better and be happy.....

Ah, yes ... another "quiet one" ... have you ever noticed how many perps have been described as "quiet", "withdrawn", and "anti-social"? Your 'friend' may have associated your behavior with the old adage that "It's always the quiet ones" -- the ones you'd least suspect -- who are the ones most likely to 'snap' and attack a woman.

^ That's not fair.

Ted Bundy was a successful serial killer precisely because he was handsome and charming.

There's a difference between being a "loner" and being a "loser."

You are right. It is certainly not fair to characterize every quiet person as a potential (or real) serial killer. On this much, you'll have no argument from me.

Because that's my point -- it is the nature of people to look for similarities between what they hate or fear and the 'odd' people that they know. Marknis' so-called 'friend' was likely doing exactly that -- taking a minor behavioral similarity, and coming up with an incel profile.

My own personal experience was in being rounded up as one of the "usual suspects" whenever an act of theft or vandalism occurred at school. The main reasons they had were (1) my older brothers were in and out of trouble with the law, and (2) my teachers and classmates thought I was always acting 'sneaky'. The former I could never refute, due to "guilt by association". The latter was because I walked on the balls of my feet (a common aspie behavior) and tried hard not to be noticed (to avoid the bullies at my school).

People are mean. They jump to conclusions with little to go on, and end up contributing to someone else's undeserved bad reputation for no other reason than they can.

^ Can't disagree.

Look for a book called "Feeling Good" by David Burns. It's a classic, been around a long time but is still sound, and is a good starting point. It focuses on depression, not on finding a partner, which everyone is telling you is where you should be focusing right now.

Edited to add: Another excellent self-help resource is The Depression Workbook, Second Edition, by Mary Ellen Copeland, New Harbinger Publications.

No, he didn't. He just thinks I am not ready for a relationship.

I agree with you both.

There used fo be a Reddit forum for this. It grossed me out.