Scared of myself

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I'm scared of myself. I feel depressed, I have done for a long time and I keep thinking bad thoughts, I'm scared in case I actually do something. I'm not a good enough person to trust that I'll keep pushing forwards because at times especially recently I feel like there's nothing keeping me here or to live for anymore.

all i see here is just a depression streak. they are bad. yep. u feel like there is no light to see, ever. untill u see some. look here, i've got a candle!

My early 20’s were especially difficult too. Are there any support groups near you?

No there's no support groups near me and the doctors can't help me either.

^I’m sorry to hear that.

So was I. All my life I've had people say they want to help me but then they never do. Wrong Planet is the only place where people have gotten to know the real me; everyone else just runs off when they hear about the Aspergers and other health problems I have. It's a very dark and lonely life.

I was a mess in my 20s. I found that commiting myself to the mental hospital worked. If that doesnt work for you at least you have wrongplanet. Better than nothing. Maybe you will feel better as you mature.

Committing myself to a hospital might help but what if they won't help me? Everyone else I've approached on the past has closed the door on me and pretended I'm invisible. My family are oblivious to how I really am they think I'm really happy and relaxed. I'm in my 20s now and everything is getting worse for me, I weak and tired and am constantly low and feel like giving up. The older I'm getting the worst I am getting, I wish I was still a teenager everything was really good back then.

look, i've been there. i tried. im talking to u, from another side of that rift. i had wanted it for years and planned it for months. i many a time regretted that i let somebody stop me. i hate my life. but i had started to learn to accept it. in the darkest nights, when i barely can hold my hands off myself, people spend hours talking me down on voice comm or game chats, instead of actually playing a game. because of them i see another morrow. because of them i start to want to die less. because they care and i can hear it. because i have obligations that make me stay. and then the pitch black around me starts to be less pitch and less black.
i will make the greatest sacrifice, u cant predict where the outcome lies, but i must stay alive.
there is allways a place for a good deed. there are people in need, and u can find them if u look for them, u dont need an intemediate. i had found mine in an online game, and around here. knowing pain, knowing the eyes of death, makes u different. capable of compassion few people can give. hospitals is not the only place. people in dire need they cant talk about, they are everywhere. the thin line between life and death is sometimes between few well-timed words. words u can say. they will pretend to be happy and okay, as u do, as i did. but u can see through it, and no autism will stop u, because its not about social sighns, its about relating, and u can relate to things most people have no idea about. take it out. make it ur flag. u think u cant, because some several allistic idiots say so? frag them. in a bus, on a forum, at some online game, u can meet somebody who needs u, right NAU, right YOU. and u can change something. look at me, i see the light! look there, and see it too! come, and meet the next dawn!

Senatriss, do you take any medication?