Yet another cry of despair into the void that is this site

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Keeping myself alive is inhumane.

Death wouldn't help

Welcome. And, stick around. You'll find help and support here.

It would help greatly. Tried selling my soul to Satan but I guess you can't sell something you don't have.

I reach this point because I want change but I feel I can't do anything about it, so the pain just becomes worse until I have no choice but to do something drastic. There's always an alternative to ending it. Anything is better than killing yourself as long as it doesn't involve hurting somebody else.

I don't think you should be seeking help here. Please, speak to a professional.

There is a reason they call it Suicidal ideation, because you are idealizing it.

I've probably thought about suicide every day for the past 20 years. I realized long ago it was a perverse kind of coping mechanism. When I feel hopeless and powerless, suicide reminds me I have control of something. That's all I want--not to die. Do you dislike life itself, or this society we live in? This collective fantasy so many believe in? I choose to fight that, rather than fight myself. Why let all the boring people enjoy what they can't even appreciate?

What do you want escape from? Your feelings are definitely a natural response to some kind of pain. What are they about?

I have never found professionals helpful at anything.

Well, me neither. Except once when I decided I was going to lie down in the middle of a busy intersection and see what happened, but instead I called a therapist and put it off for a while and the urge left me.

My second plan was to swim across a lake in south Florida that is full of alligators and see if I made it to the other side. Thinking about that plan kept me going for quite some time. (I am not joking.)

But, if you really get close, by all means head to an emergency room or call a suicide hotline.

I think you'll find a lot of company and support here. Welcome to WP.

You have to be willing to be helped and understand that there are no shortcuts.

It depends on where you live . If you live in the US, you can want help all you want. But if you do not have the right insurance, you won't get any help.

Well there are different types of therapy. Some work but many absolutely do not. Most of the problems that Aspies experience are due to several layers of stress. Stress is cumulative and can throw your body into a distress mode. If you can learn how to flush stress from your body it might change your outlook on life.

Since you are new here -- welcome to Wrong Planet!

many of us have been here. many of us got over it. including me. turns out, one allways has a reason to live, and a reason to die. sometimes the latter seems more obvious, and the former is invisible. gotta feel for it. its there. and sometimes u start understanding it when facing death. it's been months where i would plan to not see the next sunrise, when my friends had to take shifts at watching over me and keeping me safe and in this world, when i would begrugingly agree to kill myself later, regretting every missed opportunity, lamenting on NDEs i had before (not by my chosing), wishing one of them would have not had the letter N. there were sheere moments where i broke the surface, only to revert to drowning. but each time was longer. i think im sinking not so deep too, now.

They're not perfect, but they can provide some help; even if it's just someone from the Samaritans phone line, at least you'll be physically talking to a real person. The internet won't help you, but will only increase your sense of isolation and suffering.

Perhaps you could say why it is, if you feel up to doing so, that you feel the way you do; we might be able to help you more effectively.

And how can you assume I wasn't? I got misdiagnosed and all this "talk to a therapist" bs is like showing starving kids pictures of food and telling them the food is there.