Need Help Recovering From Bullying

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Hi y'all! I have a favor to ask: I've been feeling really down recently and I don't know how much longer I can keep going. A lot has gone on, and it's going to be a little vague but here's a quick recap:

- At University, I've been getting bullied (paraphrased) by a particular Christian community on campus. I put a lot of time networking into this community, and so feeling the need to leave means giving up about 90% of my social circle. (Note: I'm not looking for pity, but I appreciate quietly shared empathy or sympathy; my greater concern is moving forward.)
- As the events snowballed, I almost attempted suicide by jumping from a parking structure (a police officer stopped me). I'm continuing therapy from before (for depression) as well as taking medication. I'm getting as much medical advice and treatment as I can, I promise.
- I was living with members of said Christian community but have since moved in with my Mom, who has been more than happy to give me a place to live. I'm helping to cook for her and my sister, which she really appreciates. Geographically, I'm in a safer space now.

So with that limited amount of information, I can share that I've had a hard time doing things that were fun for me, as well as sleeping, eating, exercising, and being confident around friends. I don't reach out or talk to others as much as I used to. Going to church is much harder now too, but I can force myself to still go sometimes. I'm finding that my mood gets worse and worse, and I feel emotionally flat most of the time. Getting out of bed is harder too, not to mention laying down at night is really the only time I allow my brain to idle, which is when I tend to have flashbacks (I also have flashbacks throughout the day on most days). I often feel worthless. I'd like to get a job or buy a DJ controller and start practicing/looking for potential gigs, but the dealing with people part has been hard because all of this has made me rather shy.

I'm considering: working out consistently at a boxing gym with my family (already started), taking up a new hobby (DJing/looking up recipes to cook for my vegetarian sister), doing a digital detox (switch to dumb phone), and/or taking a semester off of school (would rather not). I'm not sure if I'm looking for a space to vent or suggestions on how to proceed, but I'm really having a hard time wanting to do anything with my life besides sitting around to die. I don't have a large amount of finances and I'm waiting to see if I can get reimbursed for medically withdrawing from last semester. Thanks in advance, and I hope I can help y'all too.

I joined WrongPlanet in hopes of finding people like me and a reason to keep going. I hope this is the right place.

Perhaps try exploring your religion in a non dogmatic, individualistic way, apart from others.

Ditch the so-called Christian group you've been hanging out with. Seriously. I've had more abuse and the most mental damage done me by people claiming to be Christian than any others.

If religion is something that is important for you, look for another church or consider following your faith on your own.

- just saw Prometheus posted right before me while I was typing. He/she has good advice too.

I may not be the best person to give advice on this or any other topic, but...

My way of recovering from bullying (father, brothers, neighbors, schoolmates, co-workers, et cetera) was to immerse myself in my studies and my work. Once I came into a position of some authority and started earning a decent wage, most of the bullies lost interest.

Those who didn't eventually found out that I have a long memory -- especially when they showed up for job interviews where I was on the hiring panel. Some didn't get hired. Those who did get hired learned quickly that they would receive no favors or preferential treatment from me -- especially during lay-offs.

I didn't have to do anything except be there when they received their reprimands and/or pinks slips.

So, my advice is to do the same. Study hard, get good grades, graduate, and work yourself into a position where you have some authority over others. And if/when a bully from your past shows up, treat him or her no better (and no worse) than anyone else. They will believe that you have something to do with their lack of advancement anyway, and as long as you never claim it, they can't do anything about it -- their own guilt will punish them enough.

Here's a dumbphone with a wifi hotspot.
[url]
https://www.nokia.com/phones/en_int/nokia-8110-4g[/url]

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I was bullied so long ago but I still get painful flashbacks. I have just accepted that Ill never get over it. Ive learned to live with the pain in otherwords. If it happens again, Im going to tell someone about it, rather than staying quiet.

It sounds like you might have been in some kind of cult---though not as blatant a cult as something like Scientology.

If they continue to bully you, notify the school authorities.

Wow, you guys are fast! I really appreciated everyone who posted.

@Prometheus18, @Keladry, religion is important to me and I'm going back to my old church. I'm a little nervous to set foot back on campus again in a few weeks but I'm checking out different groups. I've ditched the old group and all the mementos. Wish I burned the t-shirts I got from them instead of throwing them away.

@Fnord, that's still good advice; I hope to get immersed in something I find interesting but depression keeps getting in my way.

@cberg, that one looks really cool! It has mixed reviews in terms of working with my carrier so I'm thinking more of the new 3310, which does work with my carrier, even if it only has 3g. Cool device though. "Banana phone".

@Sarahsmith, my therapist says it's normal. Still, it's difficult to go through. I'm sorry that it's been happening to you too. PM me if you ever want to swap stories.

@kraftiekortie, ha, the setup is similar to a cult, but it's not a cult. I've talked to the school, and while they've taken my side, they can't force the club to do anything, so they say. Honestly, I think by putting some distance between me and them will hopefully work in the long run. My main concern is the psychological effects, which is all I can really control.

Thank you all again.

i have been raised in atheistic family, then joined orthodoxy at the age of 11, by my own choice. and then i moved on. im grateful to that church, that priest, i deeply respect him. but my beliefs are evolving and well, dont fit in dogma since i was maybe 15. ofc spirituality is an important part of life, but it doesnt have to be tied to any church. or any dogmatic base. as to bullying, its hard. what i went thru still affects me. had formed me, in some part. like fnord over there, needing revenge of sorts, even if subtle (totally understood, fnord, im not messing with u, just well, the shining example. u are changed by that, so am i). what do i do when that happens? i hit them. hard. as hard as i can. then and there. verbaly or even not. i dont turn the other cheek, i make them regret it, and remember that starting something with me can end up VERY unpleasant. and makes it easier to if not heal, at least well get up sooner. i did a number on them too. sometimes ofc it doesnt work. i vent it to ppl i trust, i make revenge if i can. with time it all blends in 1 big ugly stain. but i dont go without a fight, if i can help it. i am a bad person xd

ChopChop you are displaying signs of trauma. Chronically traumatized individuals go through the motions of living without really feeling vital or engaged in life. Such individuals are empty to the core of their being. Chronic immobility gives rise to the core emotional symptoms of trauma: numbness, shutdown, entrapment, helplessness, depression, fear, terror, rage and hopelessness.

So first off, one needs a fairly thick skin to communicate on message boards today. People can be quite brutal. So I would recommend you avoid "networking into this community" that you were communicating with.

Stress is cumulative in nature. If you allow it to build up, it can transition into distress. That is the state that you appear to be in at the moment. So you need to bleed this stored stress off. Unvented stress chemicals are stored in your limb muscles and nervous system.

There is one type of therapy that many Aspies have indicated made a positive difference in their lives. It is called Somatic Experiencing. So I would recommend you obtain or borrow a book called "In An Unspoken Voice" by Peter A. Levine and read it. That should get you going in the right direction.

Where do you find a therapist that does somatic experiencing?
Besides nowhere.

chopchop, keep an eye on that depression. If it continues to disable you, there is no shame whatever in seeking a medication to help you through. Preferably a prescription, not a bottle of booze!

Chopchop, I'm going through something very similar right now. I just keep telling myself not to let the people who have hurt me get me to give up on myself. I suffer from ptsd from before I met them, but they have definitely added to that and given me new triggers. You sound like you may want to explore ptsd, from how you described your symptoms. I'm glad you have your family and that the officer was there when he/she was.