It's pointless.

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I haven't seen most people I know in at least a month. It's to the point where I'm considering dropping my every human relationship of any kind because it's clear I'm absolutely not worth their while.

***edited because I'm too honest & most people hate that***

People have decided I only belong around machines. I'm not considered good for anything else, strictly speaking I'm completely discarded.

My job is going well but my housing scenario is NOT.

Truthfully I've been thinking about just ending it for a month or so by now. No way in hell am I going to seek mental health "help" by the way, the medical industry in the U.S. is perfectly happy with destroying my career & bankrupting me. I'm not alive to buy Porsches for psychiatrists.

I'm going to stop writing now before I get loony binned for speaking my mind. I'm trapped & no one really cares.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Don't loose hope cberg, some of us happen to think you're OK.

Truthfully I'm not sure this is really even the main issue I'm dealing with right now & see left out a lot of context here becausey life story isn't for squeamish people.

***mental scribbling***

I love people but that's looking more like a one way street every day.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Sorry you're feeling this way cberg.

I am sorry it's so rough right now.

I was reading my college letters today - I had a particularly rough year. At one point I was making it through Wednesday, making it through Tuesday, my therapists (two?) once promised me to make it just over a weekend to a Monday. I kept making it a day or week or so and now I am glad I did. I have had other times in my life that were similar, but not as chronic.

I can see it's hard now for you. I hope that soon in the future you are glad you made it through.

In the past month, have you been trying to get anyone to hang out with you?

^I have but for the most part no one's been around. I'm not completely isolated but my shyness gets the best of me.

Bleh, that was an embarrassing amount of phone typos.

Well I made it into work today... Probably not my wisest move.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Tell 'em something like, "hey, it's been a while. Wanna go out for drinks this weekend?"

Don't give up, Brother C Berg.

I'm at my friend's place for the moment, might as well all nighter or some such thing. My car's happy to sit around but at least I fed it some high mileage oil. No engine troubles but this thread runs deeper my friends.

https://jalopnik.com/fastest-woman-on-f ... 1837654356

This is news & not an obituary. A friend I never met was lost on my birthday. I'm not surprised everything else is going wrong this month & that doesn't really phase me. I'm holding it together but I'm tired of demanding we all hold it together.

Hold it together anyway damnit, whomever you are.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

^^^you KNEW HER?! what good company you had. terrible about the loss.

No, I only admired her work & knowledge.

A lot of people who push boundaries also do terrifying stuff for fun, sometimes that's all the same thing.

I'm not sure I know how to do anything else.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

if you are one of those daredevils, you are far braver than me. look in the dictionary under milquetoast, you'll see my picture there.

I'm not sure how brave I am compared to nurses.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

i worked assisting nurses [in the operating and delivery rooms of a labor and delivery suite level III] and i saw that they hadda put up with a lot for sure. but i would guess that you are up to it cognitively and psychologically, 2 years of nursing school and you could have your RN as well.

I got a second job ---> taking care of a 9year old autistic boy. He doesn't talk (yet).
I felt instantly connected, seen, understood, loved. Didn't expect this.
This connection makes sense.