Being 18 Years Old Is So Hard

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I don't mean to sound like a whiny teenager, but it's true. I'm in college right now, and I'm trying to get a sense of who I am and who I want to be, but it's so hard. I don't know any about my beliefs or values. I'm terrified that my interests now will change at any moment and I have a hard time committing to anything. I'm also dealing with homesickness right now, not helped by the fact that I haven't had a hug from anyone since I left my family after Winter Break. Everything seems so contradictory and confusing. I've been browsing the Internet for help, but I don't think that it's doing any good. My head feels so heavy and my anxiety's going nuts. I have been going to therapy, but it only helps so much. I need someone to talk to.

Hey there. Thanks for posting this. My oldest son will turn 16 soon, and your post was a good reminder of what challenges he'll be facing soon. It can be so easy for someone like me with a beat up old body to forget that being young wasn't so hot, either. They say youth is wasted on the young, and wisdom is wasted on the old. You're only about 5 - 15 years away from finding the middle!

One piece of advice I can offer is to make the best of what your body can do now. Exercise can be a good way to be with people without having to do too much socializing. And it's supposed to help you sleep better, which is supposed to help you feel and think better.

I think understanding your values would be helpful. Even if you don't get very specific. It sounds like you value your family. This can be a good place to start. What is it about them? Are they kind to you? Perhaps you might value being kind to people. Do you have wonderful meals with them? Perhaps you value good food and the resources to cook. Asking and answering these kinds of questions could lead you in a direction you can believe in. I hope.

First, you are not a whiny teenager. You are a teenager and that age has a whole host of problems to deal with. It's an awkward age, too young to have the experience, too old to be naive.

It's normal not to know your beliefs or values, you develop them or if you are lucky you find them. It's fine for your interests to change, we all change as we grow (we just don't like to admit it.)

Don't commit to anything, at least not at this stage of your life, but don't be afraid to try something. For example, you can go try out a club, decide you don't like it, leave and never look back. I know what it's like to worry about missed opportunities, but there are so many things out there to do, you can't possibly have the time to do them all, no one does, you just give it a try and if it doesn't fit you, move on.

Life is contradictory and confusing, I will tell you a secret, people don't base their words on facts. Facts are of secondary importance in society. That's why things are so confusing because they don't need to make sense. For example, YOLO is now a word, not an acronym, that doesn't make any grammatical sense, but they put it in the dictionary because it has become common speak. WHAT THE FLYING ****. Now take that nonsense and apply that to every facet of life in society. Life would be less confusing if people acted more logically, but they don't, so try not to expect things to make sense, just try to realize that this is the way things are (NOT HELPFUL, I KNOW, but that's what my family advised me when I was so confused)

I had a dog to deal with anxiety, I'm not sure what I can do for you, but feel free to talk me or ask advice, I just recently finished college myself and well I'm onto the next step in life, I might take a day to respond though. I know how it feels to be alone in college with no one to consult, feeling directionless, and left behind.

Well, good luck and I hope things get better.

What confused sloth says makes a lot of sense and I agree.

Tack onto that: life is a journey not a destination. Tacky slogan, but so true. I am still growing and learning and reframing what I have learned. Over the years I have developed a sense of ethics and values, but it wasn't like I woke up one day when I was 18 and everything made sense.

Step out of yourself for a minute or two each day and look at what happened as if it had happened to someone else. This sometimes helps me put things in perspective.

Lots of people recommend keeping a journal. It didn't much suit me, but a lot of people find it helpful.

We give virtual hugs here:

((((((luc)))))))

Yep. Do continue to post, Luc.

How are you doing in your courses?

I work in a college library. I sometimes informally counsel students when they ask me questions.

Thank you all for your kind words. I’m still struggling with anxiety and potentially depression, but I’m getting a lot of help and support. I still feel somewhat isolated and small in the bigger picture, though. I’m struggling to find my place in the world.

"These are the best years of your life" - Possibly the single worst quote/advice I have ever heard.

I had a complete mental breakdown at 19 to the point I didn't even have the motivation to commit suicide and it sounds very similar to what you are going through now. I would encourage you to continue to reach out for help and understand it is perfectly normal to struggle in your late teens. I agree with the sentiment that its a lifelong journey and you don't just wake up at 18 or 19 and become a full adult, even though the law thinks otherwise.

Wasting the best years of your life studying a college degree that may not even lead to a job or quit now. Find a job or do something you enjoy doing are far better goals than college and student debt.
We hear countless stories online about another poor kid has wasted years their life and now has $100,000 debt and no job and regrets ever going to College.
It is better to gain experience through work and enjoying life instead of listening to boring old guys that have no idea how the real world works.

In all my schooling years, the age of 18 was the worst for me. 16 to 18, especially 18. At the age of 5 years old, my Mum had a few words of dissagreement with the teacher and she put me in a room on my own and did not teach me at all for much of the year. Yet, at this age where I did not know how school worked I was fine. I could not work out why the teacher didn't like me, but I was fine to be on my own as to go out at lunchtime meant bullying, so being on my own exploring my thoughts was better.
Yet at 18, I was in a bit of a mess when I was not able to keep up masking, and I had the whole class turn against me and it was right before the exams. I took the exams just going through the motions. I did not do too well, but for me, trying to leave the exam and go straight to my bicycle and head off before I was bullied was the priority. Survival instinct took over. I nearly jumped through a window of a high building to try to land in the top of a tree toescape when the whole class turned against me once, but the teacher came back and told me off for standing on a desk. I was abaout to run from desk to desk to make my escape as someone was blocking the door.

But what I am trying to say is don't worry. Being 18 is tough, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. All is well. Try to find thinks to keep you cheerful. For me it was cycling. My transport... As soon as I was on my bike I was free! And I would bury my thoughts into trains. Oh boy! I love trains!! ! And also, during this stressful time I turned to the Lord and I saw miracles!! !

There is a lot of truth to this: in hindsight I am starting to believe my breakdown was my body's way of alerting me in a way I could not possibly ignore. In short, I was on the wrong path in life. Foolishly I didn't listen and decided that I had to finish it since I had already spent so much money (the sunk cost fallacy: possibly the only thing I learned in business school). It turns out that even though I majored in Economics:

* I had little to no idea how the business world REALLY worked
* Most of the "laws" of economics were pseudoscience and had little to no bearing on reality.
* All my professors wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes as entrepreneurs yet we had to consider them the "experts". Almost all never had employment in Canada other than as professors and would probably either end up permanently unemployed/homeless or immediately return to their home countries if they somehow lost their tenured positions.
* I never had to read The Wealth of Nations (supposedly the Economist's bible), didn't know who Friedman or Keynes were (possibly two of the three most well known economists) and when I read the 'bible' years later I was shocked that it said nothing like what the professors said it did.
* I found out the reason why people don't take economics majors seriously is that they are considered to be the "Tooth Fairy" or "Easter Bunny" believers who think the magic of free markets solve everything. Sadly I found this to be the truth after embarrassing myself one too many times and getting my butt handed to me trying to debate the 'ignorant' engineers and scientists.
* When I couldn't find any of the "ample" jobs, I went to see the Department Head and he rudely and angrily told me "it's not MY job to find YOU a job! We provide education NOT employment". I responded that he told me about the countless opportunities and asked him to name just one that I could pursue and he replied he didn't know even one. I finally got a junior professor to respond to me and his useless advice was to 'expand your network'.
* Even though I went to one of the world's top business schools, the general attitude was 'so what? Everyone has a degree from there'.

The only reason why I can't find employment now aside from the obvious? Lack of higher level experience NOT lack of credentials! In fact, my University Education works against me because employers look at how I have been "underemployed" for 15+ years and assume it's because I am lazy or didn't want to use my degree because the old school mentality of university=guaranteed career employment is still rampant and it clearly must be because I refused to work hard. Personally, I wanted to take a "gap year" after High School because I loved working but my parents wouldn't allow it and at 17 there isn't much you can do. It makes me sad to realize that what I wanted to do all along would not only have been enjoyable but I would be making double what I make now.

Apologizes for derailing the thread but I hope you can relate to my story and not make the same mistake. It's incredible how we treat 17 year olds like children but expect 18 year olds to be fully functioning adults. I am now pursuing what I wanted to do all along but at 37 without a large bank account it would have been a lot easier at 18!

Not all old folks are boring—and many of them are still working.