If I am being truly honest...

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I admit that I am not a completely good person. I’m a very complex, unpredictable person who needs to learn to always take the high road.

The first step to learning to be a better person is admitting that you’re not a good person, and letting go of denial of your actions. I have hurt people who were struggling deeply with my drama addiction and saying I had the same struggles when I didn’t online anonymously on other websites. I have hurt people I didn’t know well and have the people closest to me not know I had done it. I am not a good person. I just admitted it.

People close to me don’t know I’m not a good person. I want to be one. The first step is admitting I’m not.

In a book about highly sensitive people, I came across a term "Inner Machiavelli".
I liked the term very much. That part in me that is capable of doing awful things.

If you fight your Inner Machiavelli, you have an enemy of a psychopath who is just as intelligent as you are, knows everything you know and all things you don't want to know, and has no inhibitions.
You'll lose.
But you can show your Inner Machiavelli his place. He's a great advisor to warn you about other people's possible ill intentions. He can show you possibilities but after you conciously listen to him, the decision what to do is yours.
When he's your ally, you can keep his dangerous tendencies at bay.

I don't know if this will help you or not but neither am I. It helps me when other people are open about this, because I honestly believe no one truly is and we just hide things because of fear of judgement.
I am very self centered and only have emotional energy to genuinely care for a handful of people. I am going to be a bridesmaid in my childhood best friend's wedding but I have had many personal issues with her and have talked poorly about her with others. I could go on.
It makes me feel awful but I entirely agree, the first step to improvement is being able to admit the problem. That's confronting it, which is how we begin to change.

Elaine Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person
Most of the book is about other topics but this single term resonated in me and made me understand some unhealthy patterns in my family.

If you wouldn't mind telling us, what exactly have you "done" that makes you "not a good person?" Have you done something like ghost a guy after telling him you're in love with him?

At the very least, you seem to WANT to be a good person. The likelihood, it seems to me, is that you are already a good person.

I think I'm basically a good person----though I do have some considerable faults.

I do not have that natural filter that most people have... I blurt out what I think.
I’m now trying so hard not to offend or insult that I don’t talk much.
Communication online is much better for me.
I check what I have written and frequently edit out what could be offensive.
I really do want to get along with people.
Sigh.

I have lived long enough and made enough poor (but mostly uninformed or naïve) choices and done so many things to hurt others, it would fill a book. I have learned and grown up and I'm now an entirely different person.

You can't change the past, but you can make the present and the future better for you and those around you. But don't wallow too much in the past. If you feel it would help, do the 4th, 5th and 6th steps, of the AA 12 step program.

This has become a really good, sincere, meaningful conversation.
People being real and honest....I am glad I found it.
Sometimes it seems like everyone is perfect but me.
It means a lot that others have self-doubts
And regrets.