Personal growth/renewing oneself

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Hello,

I haven't been posting here for a long time and I haven't been really actively reading anything lately, so I apologize if this kind of topic has been discussed before.

I want to ask you though do you have problems with renewing yourselves - so to say about your personal growth (mentally?).

Because of the situation that has happened three years ago, I have been wondering that is it impossible with people with ASD to renew themselves - I mean to change themselves and grow mentaly as a adult persons? I know that people with ASD typically - as most of the people - have problems with changes - I mean accept that situations will change and you should change too. What I have understood, people with ASD have also habit of staying in their comfortzones.

The situation I referred earlier happened when I was moving out from my 'childhood' home. (I use quotation marks because I was almost 30 year old when I moved out). Despite I have been planning to move out for several years and have saved money for the apartment I own now - I got stressed about the situation when I was asked my mother to come and see the place I live now. I went her to look this place but she wasn't happy about the situation - because I got angry and after we went to see this place we had an argument and she said that I should renew myself - in other words, start to behave differently.

I know it wasn't nice to be angry because I have decided to save and buy myself an apartment and she got with me to watch this place.

She also once said me that I like to stay in my comfortzone when I was stressed about going to the birthday party of my relative. Then again I didn't behave as good as I should because I thought I didn't know almost any of those persons there and I thought that I should despite it try to make an effort with socialising someone. (I end up talking on of my male cousins).

Despite these situations happened, I am living now indepedently and I have a full-time job. I also have one real life friend.

How I should break from my comfort zone? Do you have any experiences of this? I have two siblings and they tend to be more active than me - or as my mother put it when talking about my brother that 'he embraces challenges bravely'. I still tend to be more cautious and think when I do something because I have also received negative feedback from some situations in which I thought was brave. On the other hand, one of my relatives said that I have became more open and brave than I was before (like when I was at my twenties).

I also think that I have become braver because I have travelled in different countries and worked in a place recently that is way away from my comfortzone but I still can't help thinking if I shoul really renew/change myself more. I know that people are different by their personalities and thus act differently and like different things than I do and you can even learn from them to do different kinds of things - even thouse you wouldn't even think you would like but honestly, the thing about renewing/changing myself stresses me out.

Sorry for such a long rant. I would like to hear your opinions.

From your post, it sounds like you HAVE grown as a person. You now have your own apartment, a job, a friend... That is change and growth. Possibly it's not the "change and growth" that your mother would prefer, but the only question that matters here is "Are you happy with your life?"
If you're happy doing the things that you're doing, then you're doing great.
If you're not happy, figure out what needs to change and change it.
You're already growing as a person and getting out of your comfort zone.

If you try to live your life based on someone else's standards, you probably won't be happy, and you probably won't please them anyway. If you live your life based on your own standards, you at least run a good chance of making yourself happy and fulfilled. At the end of the day, that's what matters, not what others think of your choices.

Hello OkaySometimes and thank you for your response

Yes, I do think I have grown and I have gotten out my comfortzone a bit but I still wonder if I am at my comfortzone.

I don't know how comfortzone is really been defined but at least I understand it to be a place where you can be at ease without doing anything very stressful or something that will cause you negative emotions by doing anything that you don't really do.

I am satisfied with my life right now despite the corona virus situation and all the limitations/restrictions it causes now

I think you are doing just fine.
Your mother is NOT being loving or supportive, and may resent you breaking away from her influence/control.
You are the only one who knows what or who is good for you.
You have met your goals, you are living your life well, and should be very proud of yourself.

Thank you for your comments, but I have to say that my mother has been supportive for example letting me stay at the second childhood home for such long time. (People here at Finland usually leave their childhood home at 18 years old or bit later - I mean at their twenties)

Thus I didn't have to pay rent to someone other for years

I also uses that situation as an example because it was when my mother said that I should renew myself/change my behavior (and thus I used this as an example). I didn't mean to critize her but talk about personality, comfortzone and life in general.

May I ask people on this WP what kind of goals do you have at your lives? What does it mean to you to have goals in life? I ask this because I have been criticized not to have any goals at my live and because that maybe being too passive.

I know that goals can be different depending on the person, his/her values, the situation where she/he is and what he/she wants to be or to have.

Two of most important goals have already been met (having an permanent full-time job and an apartment of my own) but what kind of other goals should person have?