scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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6

-3 yet again

-8, seems to be my new normal.

-7 or thereabouts.

ASD treatment on hold due to Covid-19.

ADHD assessment on hold due to Covid-19.

Caught in a classic catch-22 with my surgery re. medication. They took me off Buspar for no real reason and now say they can't put me back on it, I will need to see a specialist. Will they give me a referral? No. So they've taken me off a medicine, without consulting anyone, that they now can't put me back on without consulting someone, which they won't allow. Absolute jokers.

Been off work unpaid with a Covid-19 safety dispute for 10 months. That's now going to ACAS but naturally, even though the whole thing revolves around disabilities, the ACAS process seems to assume I'm an NT that loves filling out forms and talking to people.

Meanwhile I'm claiming Universal Credit from the DWP which is a big sea of shite. They originally ruled that I had "limited capability for work" but have since undone that. Their current approach is, I could be a rocket scientist or brain surgeon tomorrow if only I pulled myself together. Because their entire approach to mental health is, leg broken / leg not broken. They don't understand cyclical trends, trade offs, or mortgaging health / personal time in order to stay employed. So that may also be going to Tribunal.

I have three cars. They are all broken in one way or another. Due to Covid-19 high value cars are being offloaded for peanuts, but £1,000 bangers are now gold dust. So rather than scrapping all my sheds in favour of a new(ish) car, I've been forced into gambling on the best one (probably). I have just spend an uncomfortable amount of money on Volvo spares that may or may not solve an erratic non-starting issue. This makes me nervous.

In general I rely on volunteering to keep myself sane. I live in the Midlands of the UK but volunteer in southern England and the central belt of Scotland. That's all out of bounds right now. My parents also live in the south and I can't get to see them. It is my Dad's 80th birthday next month.

Meanwhile I have been gifted a secondhand sofa (result!) but this means emptying out the saloon of my boat, which I've inevitably filled with tools, paint, and spare bits of wood. I have until the end of the month to do this, but it keeps bloody raining. This is starting to stress me out, particularly as I hate throwing anything out anyway.

Oh, and just to add to the fun, the Marina where my boat is berthed has decided to shut all but one of the facilities blocks that we use for shower, laundrette and toilet facilities, because of Covid-19. Which is fine if everything on one's boat works correctly. But guess what?

Apart from all that, though, everything is peachy.

-8

-5. I'm really fatigued, plus my foot and my spine hurt really bad.

-3 still, feeling sort of nervous.

-9 (figuring out my own autism has only made things worse)

Does 0 count?

Hello superboyian!

Now I'm a 5! Great to see you!

8

I'm also glad to see you too, Superboy Ian!

0

Having an exhausting amount of anxiety and trying to take care of a special needs cat.

Welcome back superboyian!

-8, the usual, wish I would just die without needing to do the deed myself (guess I just don’t want the blame, even if I’m already dead). I really feel, as if it isn’t even a part of the depression, like something’s telling me that I don’t have to fight anymore and it’s okay to go, which would be much a relief if other people would just accept that, too, and let me do it, but that seems to very much go against human nature.

-1