Boiling point was reached

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Anyone else with Aspergers feel like they are right on the edge? To a point where it only takes 1 more thing to happen and they just cant cope anymore?

Constantly living like that and the other night was a serious blowout.

I was at home, so overwhelmed as I generally am with life and then my phone fell of a desk, the screen cracked and it died. That was the straw that breaks the camels back. I lost it.... Went out to try and end things. Like I was in some sort of daze.

The police actually went on a hunt for me. I was found and taken to be sectioned.

Yet when I spoke to the mental health team, they realised that I'm not needing to be sectioned at all. I think they were actually playing down my aspergers and because It's not been diagnosed on paper, were making out I don't have it.

Then I was sent home. Whats changed though? Nothing at all.

Still struggling, still on the edge. It just takes 1 more thing and then wham.... Overwhelmed and back to the same.

Can you ease at least some of the pressures on you? Say "no" to some people maybe?

The problem with the pressures are they are totally out of my control. Take a lost item on an ebay sale for example. Packlink said I would get my money back (compensation) within 30 days. It exceeded that and I've had to constantly chase them. They've then been completely ignoring me.

The money doesn't bother me, it's the principal. I can't settle at all with it not being resolved.

Times that by about 20 other things as well and it's only taken 1 thing to throw me overboard. Plus on the balance, Aspergers just prevents and ruins a lot in life.

How about just giving the ebay seller a negative?
My experience is, they usually react to it.

before i got my medication sorted out, i lived in a hyper vigilant state
a state that I can re-enter if put under too much pressure

During the time i was in this state, i was on an antidepressant that raised the level of the neurotransmitter nor-adrenaline in my brain. Nor-adrenaline, if raised too high in people can cause people to become hyper vigilant.

Due to suffering from sensory hypersensitivities, i realized that my nor-adrenaline levels were likely already high.
Which is an abnormality that is likely specific to sensory hyper-sensitive's.

Once I realized this, and that the antidepressants that i was on increased the level of nor-adrenaline in my brain,
it was easy to then ask to come off the suspected offending antidepressant, which i did, and as soon as I came off the antidepressant, I stopped being as hyper-vigilant.

In my particular case, I changed antidepressants from venlafaxine to an old fashion "slightly sedating" antidepressant called clompiramine, which incidentally works primarily on serotonin, but also is known to regulate nor-adrenaline.

This did the trick, and although I continue to be hyper sensitive to sound (that is a permanent trait to my brain and not caused by chemical imbalance), I am a lot better and a fair amount less hyper-vigilant.

With regards to Police. Yes. Most police are uneducated when it comes to Autism Spectrum Disorder.
But the psych nurses should be able to sort you out.

*note: Nor-adrenaline also is known as norepinephrine and is the norepinephrine that is in the name of some of the most commonly used modern antidepressants. The N in SSNRI and SNRI does in deed stand for norepinephrine.
norepinephrine and Nor-adrenaline is the same thing basically. Just different names for the same neurotransmitter.

I'm the seller. It's my business (So I sold to someone, Hermes lost the parcel, I claimed back on Packlink, the provider on mailing services, it exceeded when I should have my money back and they are ignoring me).

I mean, thats just 1 thing and on it's own or will little other problems, I can handle it.

It's when theres that, plus some other stuff I had with old housing landlord ignoring my emails, so not getting closure. Plus issues with being where I am now...

So here now, its no central heating, freezing cold all the time. The internet is dire when I need it for work. Several other things but I would end up writing an essay.

Trust me, theres no way to resolve it (homeowner doesnt realise everyone has central heating and wont change their ways, etc).

All these small annoyances and frustrations I put up with....Then... Balanced with Aspergers really having an impact on getting out and about. I constantly find myself living on the edge of feeling suicidal.

Then the phone incident just sent me over.

Trust me, these problems that weigh me down, I can't do anything about. I truly would if I could. Plans are in place to happen eventually to get me away and change but it takes time.

Looks like now is the time to just survive.

Overall in life, regarding med's, I'm not depressed at all.

I mean, what it comes down to are circumstances.

Take the packlink thing. That's one issue. Anyone would be annoyed but on it's own, it is what it is, you just get on with things.

Then there's the rest. Being in this house where it's so cold, that I can see my breath. Again, on it's own, a minor annoyance (homeowner wont get central heating full stop even though I've suggested it many times).

Then we have the super slow internet when I'm trying to do important work... again... cant be changed (long story, having to use mobile tethering, cant get bband)... Annoying but you just deal with it on it's own.

Times this by 10 or 20 different things. Now, things I can't even change. I just have to deal with it as it is.

When someone else happens though on top of it all, I've reached that boiling point. I can't take anymore. It's normal I guess.

I mean, why should I be taking anti-depressants when the cause is other peoples actions? Sure the phone was an accident and my own fault, but thats enough to throw me over the edge.

Right meds give me more resilience.

FOR THOSE INTERESTED IN THE LONG EXPLANATION:

So I struggled with an unknown problem all my life. At 18 I knew there was defs something wrong.

Went to GP, always fobbed off (I tried many different ones). No understanding, no support.

I've been unfortunate with family illnesses and deaths at a young age. I was a teenage carer and never got any support from services.

I always tried to battle on but what I found was Aspergers had such a massive effect on my life, it just frustrated me. Seeing how short life was with the deaths of my family members, but Aspergers holding me back so much. Combine that with a lack of support and it's been tough.

After everything I've endured, I literally can only take so much, I know my limits. I try to keep within what I can handle because I know I then end up suicidal. It's too much for me especially unsupported.

The problem has been when it's all forced on me in 1 go. So much and so many things, I get so overwhelmed, pushed right to the edge. I hang in there as best I can, but then it just takes one more thing to be the straw that breaks the camels back and I can't cope anymore.

The bogged down issues are down to others. Weather it's not doing their jobs right or making things tougher for me overall.

I don't think there's really anyone that gets it as such, like services who were purely there to make sure I didn't need to be sectioned. Well I damn well don't need to be sectioned, but they wouldn't listen until I saw the team who said I don't need to be.

Sure, I'm trying to change my circumstances like with moving....but it takes time.

I feel like I have more of those moments in lockdown, sadly. I wish I could do something about it but I can't really.

Everyone has a limit to just how much they can take and that is only natural. Hence why some people have breakdowns or wind up catatonic.

This is out of your control as you’ve acknowledged. Yes, some meds will definitely strengthen your threshold for ability to cope and stay mellowed out no matter what’s thrown at you. But, meds are never the sole answer to handling life’s stresses, and I say this as one who takes Prozac and is happily chilled out generally.

The old motto, “you have to laugh or you cry” has never been more fitting. I know someone who experiences life as if one thing atop another is thrown at him. He has depression and anxiety on a grand scale, but uses his interests to chill out and deal with the stresses. Nothing stays the same in reality. So, what you’re experiencing now, is temporary, though it might not feel that way just now. Life tests us, that’s for sure. Learning, mastering coping skills is important for your sense of well being.

I've been reflecting on it a bit more and the best way of explaining it is my life is pretty much "Asperger's unfriendly".

I do feel miserable. I do get overwhelmed and overall, there just isn't any support.

The problem is a lot of being overwhelmed is out of my own control. Like I mentioned with the packlink thing, I just can't settle at all because it's not resolved and I can't do anything else to resolve it, the action is on packlink to conclude things.

Sure, on its own I would deal with it better but combined with everything else going on in my life, a lot of stressful things and it's all too much.

Medically I'm not getting any support because services have been useless. In fact just like a lot of people with Asperger's, I've been wrongly diagnosed as having anxiety issues when I don't.

I have a clear idea of what I need to move forward but because I'm not diagnosed with Asperger's, I don't get any associated support.

I'm simply left to get on as best I can but when theres too much to deal with in one go, I just can't manage and there's nowhere to turn for any support. It drags me down really bad where I then start contemplating that not being alive would be less painful.

Because a lot of the stress and problems can't be dealt with and just have to be lived with, I'm always on that edge. It just takes one more thing to happen and that's me firmly believing that I'm better off just not being alive so I'm not suffering any more.

I actually have to avoid taking on too much because of the unresolved problems and stresses I'm already going through. I can't even run my own business properly because the extra stress with dealing with customers is enough to tip me over that edge again.

Every day it's the bogged down feeling and unfortunately the other evening, one more thing happened to cause me upset/distress which just pushed me over the edge.

The crazy thing is I don't want to die, but things just throw me over that edge to make me feel I do. I'm not depressed or anything like that. I just find the battles with Asperger's combined with other people forcing me to endure more stress than I can handle, sinks me down.

The tricky thing I experience is explaining it. I do a short person and here, anywhere I post about it, I get some generic advice. I explain things in more detail and the post is too long and nobody has time to read it. I do appreciate all comments anyway of course.

Even though the reality is things are very complex and not black and white.

I can merely avoid things that topple me over the edge until I can resolve other problems. Yet that's not always possible as I have things forced on me to deal with. A lot of the time these things shouldn't be complex or stressful.

For example. I had a complaint with the royal mail postal service. To cut it short the postman damaged part of my property. The evidence was all there so the complaint should have been investigated and dealt with. The complaints manager was twisting what I was saying though and was deliberately ignoring facts. It got too much for me to handle I just stopped replying and left it.

I had something else where I was lied to about when I'd receive my deposit money back. I'd repeatedly told them I wanted it investigated as a complaint, but they ignored me (no doubt to not have to log it as a complaint and end up in trouble). It was all too much and I was getting really overwhelmed to the extreme. So I had to leave it at that.


I just don't have it in me to battle or take anymore.