Meltdowns are never a good thing, I've had a few. Ummmm, neither is going off the meds unless it's a well thought out decision with the docs. Self-medication is double edge sword, I like it to ease the anxiety but then I have to deal with the paranoid thingy and the smell. I don't have meds tho. Not intending to be a parent and don't beat yourself up over it, s**t happens, just glad to read you have reached out.