Rants

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Helping members?

That only happens here. Didn't you get the memo?

Never had that memo.

I wish I did not have Autism. I wish I was normal. I am envious of NTs they experience fulfilling lives that Autism prevents me from living.

I tend to wallow in self pity. Poor little old me, life is not fair.

I find if I express all my feelings of unhappiness and loneliness etc. I can be happier, it's like downloading them into the bin and deleting them.

In fact my brain is a lot like a computer. It needs regular downloading of information and unwanted feelings before it can work efficiently

^

Bad timing.

I miss Recidivist.




https://youtu.be/IKJqecxswCA

clogged sink. sink plunger did not work.

ant infestation. ant spray killed them, but have to spray the ants every single time.

sometimes have trouble falling or staying asleep.

emotional overeating. in the middle of the night.

constantly anxious while working around tattletale tom. micromanaging idiot is "in" with a lot of slaves. some of whom have termination authority. afraid that if i tattle on tattletale tom, i will get made redundant. "at will" employer.

exhausted all the time

40 years old. easily get too hot or too cold. and it's only rapidly getting much worse.

physically and mentally getting much weaker and slower.

earn minimum wage. sister threatened to sell house that i live in. if she does that i need 2 full time minimum wage jobs, just for room and board. what a nightmare. i can barely handle one part time job.

dena had the nerve to refuse to say "excuse me" instead of "what". but she has done WordPress, bookkeeping, janitorial, and other slave labor for kayla b***h. just b/c kayla b***h is a "good teacher". (aikido). (rolls eyes). shows that neither dena b***h nor kayla b***h gives a rat's arse about my worthless corpse.

not physically or emotionally safe @ work. way too many suspicious sketchy looking characters lurking around. paying attention takes way too much energy.

chronic extreme constipation

been coughing the past week or so

grocery costs skyrocketing

no car

public transportation to work takes too much time, cash, and energy

___________________________________________________

litterbox @ work, hand dryer, way too loud
not enough litterboxes @ work
annoying having to unlock the litterbox for each customer
sometimes one or more litterboxes out of order
litterboxes often gross
having to wait for idiots to get off the litterbox
ass holes talking too loud and too much and playing stupidass music. echo chamber. gave me a headache once.
no gender neutral litterbox
_____________________________________________________

Clogged bathtub drain.
Kitten keeps crapping in the bathtub if I let her out of my bedroom.
She uses litter in my bedroom but won't use the other ones in the house.
I'm bedridden with sciatica so if I open my door she darts out.
I can't bend down to pick her up.
I can't bend down to clean the tub.
I can't bend down to clean anything or carry anything or do anything.
I can't even change the litter in my room.

I need a helper, a carer, or a life assistant.
It's really bad right now because of my sciatica but I need help always.
I can't keep doing this.
I can't afford this house, or do the upkeep.
I can't keep parenting adults.
I can't keep juggling all these pets.
I can't even figure out how to get dressed or put food in my mouth.

I'm in such a state of burnout I just want it to be over.
When I say "Kill me now!", I mean it.

My life insurance is in place and everyone would be better off without me.

{{{ Isabella }}}

I got an email from a friend who was in a similar situation to me: her mother, who she had a very difficult relationship with, got dementia, and she had to get Deputyship for her.

It was basically a very negative email, outlining how awful it had been for her, how expensive and time consuming it was, how useless all the social workers and other staff had been, how unhelpful her friends and relatives were etc. She said she just wanted to warn me.

However, she should have put some positivity and support in the email. One long essay about negative aspects of the situation is completely unhelpful and I'm going to disregard it.

It's like those women who launch into a detailed account of their childbirth experience and how awful it was, gleefully telling a newly pregnant woman all the gory details.

It is far from helpful because all situations are different.

Personally, I have no resources to help my mother with. I have no friends or available family to help me with her, I am 3 hours drive away and I rarely drive now as I lost confidence in the lockdown/pandemic. THERE. IS. NO. ONE. BUT. ME. to support my family and myself, so I just have to let things go how they go and whatever happens, happens.

I was pleased that I now have my Out of Office reply on though so this friend got the 'Sorry, I'm unavailable right now' message.

I just don't see how my situation could ever improve. My life is not bearable.

Depressed cus i know the place im living is edging closer to being taken away, so I can't take any jobs going right now where as soon as i get served notice, i'd have to leave both the house and job and take everything i own to a far away place, maybe not the worst predicament considering many others may not have a place to stay at all. Just the area is really bad for jobs, and be scrounging off the benefit system once more, and be back to square one, thus the circle of life (or chaos) begins again.

Attacks of suicidal thoughts.
I don't know if I could finish the year.