My nan has cancer

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I’ve never really written in here so sorry. On Friday after college my mum told me my nan has been diagnosed with stage four cancer in her lungs that has spread to other places and she’s likely not going to survive but they’re going to try treatment to prolong her life. My nan is the person who brings me to college and I’m extremely close to her I really don’t want to lose her, I’m afraid to show my mum how I’m feeling because I don’t want to upset her but there is going to be a lot of change soon and I don’t do well with change, my mum is going to speak to college about getting transport for me but I’m terrified but it’s the only option because soon my nan won’t be able to take me. I have depression and anxiety and I’m in treatment for it but since my mum told me it has gotten worse but I don’t know why because she’s still with us. I don’t know how to act around my family either, has anyone else gone through anything like this before?
Sorry if I wrote too much.

I'm sorry for your bad news.

All I can suggest is persevere. There will always be bad spots in life (and you've certainly found one!) and you should try to get through them as best as you can so that they become something you got past...as opposed to being something you have still to get past.

Some of your other relatives might also find this news upsetting. Perhaps you can find them and provide mutual comfort.

Thank you for the advice.

Yeah good advice from Double Retired. I'm sorry that you are going through this difficult time and that you feel overwhelmed by it all.

Post here any time you like. You don't need to apologise for feeling sad.

I'm so sorry to hear about the terrible news you got. It's totally understandable that you feel anxious about what will and might happen next. According to your profile you are 16, and I just wanted to say that I think at that age you should still be allowed to show your mother how you feel and she should be there to comfort you. I don't think 16 is an age where you should have to act like a grown-up to save your parents or caregivers from discomfort, or fall into the parenting role yourself.
All the best to your nan, I'm sure she is glad to be so close with you, no matter what happens next.

Thank you. My mum is great with me and even told me not to hide how I’m feeling around her but I just feel bad for it.

From my personal experience: Yes, I have been and am still unable to show my feelings to my family. I can relate to your worries. I have learned that this is a common autistic experience. So if you feel unable to, I completely understand. But
I just happened to read an article on another topic, and I thought this quote from it could help you understand your mom better, maybe (?) :
""With teenagers, it's important to show them that they don't have to be ashamed of their feelings. It's important to show them that it's normal to be afraid. These are normal feelings." Parents should give space to the fear and worries, not try to explain them away." This article is directed at parents, and from what you say your mom knows all this and wants you to feel comfortable to share your feelings when you are ready and feel able to. I just thought that maybe this quote could help see her point of view.

Thank you, it helped a bit.

Hope your Gran gets healed.

Hopefully she's in good spirits & kept comfortable and has some quality of life for whatever quantity remains.

It's a fairly normal reaction for someone to freak out a little at this sort of news, especially people on the spectrum. It's also normal to not be sure how to react or act or what to show in terms of emotions - and there are no rules, guidelines, or expectations really.. since everyone deals with these things differently. I don't think you should fear showing your emotions to your parents/grandparents etc if you're feeling them.. they'll understand. They might find it a bit peculiar if you Didn't show emotions, really. But they'd also probably understand that, too, especially if they're all well aware that you're on the spectrum and that people on the spectrum don't always display the emotions they're feeling.

I don't mean this in any sort of age-ist way, but: You're 16. That's a huge part of why this is so overwhelming and intense for you. Age, lack of life experience, hormones, college life & academic pressures etc etc add it all up and add in the first time you're likely dealing with something like this in your life and Boom, it hits ya like a tonne of bricks. That's normal. You'll get through it. In time you'll experience other bad news and eventual losses of family/friends.. because it's the cycle of life. People grow old, get ill, eventually pass away. This is just one of the first times in your young life that you're dealing with it. It never gets less sad to hear difficult news or accept someone's passing, but it does get easier to process and deal with in time.. with age & experience it's not quite so difficult to deal with. It's not easy or fun, but as you mature your capacity to process these sort of life events will increase & improve and you'll navigate them ever better. Kinda wish I didn't know this to be fact, but at 41 years old now and after losing a lot of family, friends, and acquaintances, it's simply something I've come to know to be true.

Thank you.