In 2019 I was suicidal

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And i wanted time to pass quickly.

Now, i want time to stop. Not because i feel better, but because i realized how much time i wasted and want to get it back

In my experience times like this are never wasted if you can learn and draw meaning and purpose from them...

I understand. I was briefly suicidal at the very beginning of 2020. Circumstances changed quickly with the pandemic and in other ways my life got drastically better after that and I wouldn't think of it now.

The older we get the faster time flies by. It's frustrating. Just watching my favorite time of the year -autumn and winter- fly right by us like it just did. Now it's time for Spring which depresses me deeply.

I'm not sure how to "slow down" time. But certainly it's going by way too fast. The example above was a small one. The bigger examples are watching how quickly we are aging, how quickly loved ones age and pass away. It's a bit hard to take. The quick passage of time is cruel.

my pet still thinks time goes by one slow snore after another.

btw, I expect to feel suicidal again when some other stupidly painful geopolitical thing happens. I have now learned that I only have to let time pass and wait and that I will feel differently again.

Still not thrilled to be here. But the suicidal episodes pass. I'll just be on the couch, knitting, watching series, wearing head phones, not thinking, waiting for time to pass.

Also I expected to be dead by 42yo so I'm already in overtime and all this is bonus. That's relaxing. It's all good.

Also I live my life as if I only have 1 year to live, it makes priorities clear. Easy navigating.

I'm glad you're feeling better. A song that helped me when I was feeling blue was "Everybody Hurts" by REM.

I'm glad you feel able to talk about this