Email to my father and his response - Reasonable?

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Raleigh
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24 Sep 2024, 3:34 pm

It depends on how you usually speak to your father.
Would it be exactly like a conversation you'd have in person, or would you normally be more formal?
Maybe your father misread it?
Pissing down translated to pissed?
Or maybe he misjudged the tone?

It doesn't appear to indicate drunkeness, but sometimes if you read something expecting things to be a certain way, you imagine it with that tone in your head.

I'm sorry this has happened.
It would make me confused too.


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Envirozen8666
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24 Sep 2024, 4:04 pm

MaxE wrote:
Envirozen8666 wrote:
Use of crude language if you and he are not in the habit of using such in emails?

Not asking how he's doing and if he's arranged any supper for himself? People like it if you give them a chance to talk about their side of things.

However I can't detect any reason to suspect you'd been drinking. Maybe the tone of your email is insensitive and the use of mildly strong language offended him if he's not used to you speaking that way..

I'm sure he'll get over it.

Welcome back, why the new account?




Hi Max

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Rossall
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24 Sep 2024, 4:10 pm

I guess I'll just leave it for now and not send him any more emails. If he still wants to talk to me then fine.

He's 82 so I don't really want to cause him any undue stress.


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DuckHairback
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24 Sep 2024, 4:15 pm

Lost_dragon wrote:

Edit: There’s also "You've got to be taking the piss" (You can't be serious, you've got to be joking with me) not to be confused with "I'm taking a piss" (I'm going to the toilet). :lol:


In addition, to take the piss can also commonly mean to take liberties. As in "You can have a bite of my Twix, just don't take the piss, alright?"


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enz
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24 Sep 2024, 7:42 pm

nah your not in the wrong and shouldn't be expected to have this much social scrutiny



justkillingtime
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24 Sep 2024, 8:41 pm

As a parent, I would be more loving.


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Double Retired
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24 Sep 2024, 8:47 pm

I think I side with your Dad. He expects you to be politer and less crude.


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bee33
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24 Sep 2024, 8:51 pm

Rossall wrote:
I guess I'll just leave it for now and not send him any more emails. If he still wants to talk to me then fine.

He's 82 so I don't really want to cause him any undue stress.
Even though I don't think you did anything wrong, maybe you could apologize to smooth things over, maybe by saying you're sorry that your email was upsetting or offensive to him, even though you didn't intend it to be. Maybe not by email, but on the phone?



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25 Sep 2024, 1:09 am

Are you ok Rossall

It sounds like this has taken a bit of a toll on you


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cyberdad
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25 Sep 2024, 1:29 am

naturalplastic wrote:
In the US if you say "its pissing down here" no one would know WTF you're talking about (ie not know that that meant "it's raining").

In the US if you say "Im pissed" it means "I'm angry".

In Australia, and in the UK, "I'm pissed" means "I'm drunk".

So he might have thought that "Pissing down here" meant "I am getting drunk right now".


No Aussies also say pissing = rain too. We have a lot English people here (we call them poms).



cyberdad
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25 Sep 2024, 1:31 am

Rossall wrote:
Do you think he's being reasonable or overeacting? I'm a bit upset by it TBH.


Don't really know your dad but if he's sensitive to crude language, suggest toning your language down a bit.



MaxE
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25 Sep 2024, 3:57 am

I reread the email, and to me it didn't seem the least bit crude, but Dad is probably aware of son's alcohol use and may have rightly or wrongly believed him to be pissed at the time he wrote it. That's the most speculation I will attempt. OP will probably just have to power through it. Sorry not a happy situation.


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cyberdad
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25 Sep 2024, 4:54 am

MaxE wrote:
I reread the email, and to me it didn't seem the least bit crude, but Dad is probably aware of son's alcohol use and may have rightly or wrongly believed him to be pissed at the time he wrote it. That's the most speculation I will attempt. OP will probably just have to power through it. Sorry not a happy situation.


Yeah possible that too...but alcohol loosens inhibitions and makes people say "abrasive" things. I know I couldn't say "pissing" in front of my parents or in a SMS.



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26 Sep 2024, 9:38 am

Sweet Pea hugs


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Rossall
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26 Sep 2024, 9:58 am

Thanks CR. He knows I drink heavily but I swear I wasn't drunk when I wrote that email. It's not the language I grew up with but it's difficult when you live in a block of council flats where every other word people say is f**k or c**t and then you've got to walk on eggshells with your relatives.


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cyberdad
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26 Sep 2024, 7:19 pm

Rossall wrote:
It's not the language I grew up with but it's difficult when you live in a block of council flats where every other word people say is f**k or c**t and then you've got to walk on eggshells with your relatives.


You do know that you can be yourself right? just because other people in your council flats are crude does not mean you have to copy them. Also you seem intelligent enough to code-switch. If you want to talk like a "home-boy" in front of your homies, you should be capable of speaking to family/friends in a respectful manner.

I am taught this to my daughter who occasionally dropped the f-bomb in school and over time she worked out not to use this type of language in front of family.