Uhmmmmm

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Sorry if that's not a very informative title but I just can't put my thoughts into words now. I just feel under pressure from a lot of things.

I have this cold that's been going on for weeks and weeks. Normally they last for a few days but this one just keeps going forever.

I had a painful ear infection that went away and now it's come back again. The new manager, I've worked with her for years before she got promoted to manager. She's a nice person but in her new role she's putting me under pressure. She's trying to micromanage my time in a way that makes me feel stressed.

Actually she's not trying to micromanage it, she's trying to make me micromanage it myself and then be microaccountable for it after the fact. I keep second guessing what I'm going to say when she asks for a breakdown of how I've spent the last week.

So I've got pressure from work and this cold is sapping all of my energy. Also I reduced my calories because I'm trying to lose weight. Maybe that's making it worse. But I actually am losing weight from it.

I got into a debate with some people on Reddit. I think I lost. I have to remember that on most of the web, facts don't matter and the one who can debate most charismatically wins.

Ok so what else can I think of? My partner is being kind of cruel to our daughter. She shouted at her really loudly because she said she didn't like her dinner.

Now that I think of it, when I was that age, before I became a fat glutton who just eats anything I used to be kind of picky about food and I hated people forcing me to eat things that caused my sensory problems.

So my partner, who was mean to our daughter gets mad at me for not being warm to her. She says when she's cold to her I have to be warm to her. I wasn't warm to her. I guess I should have been warm to her.

But I don't like being used like that. Ok I'll admit, I should be nice to our daughter when her mother abuses her but the reason I should be nice is because it's the right thing to do. The reason I should be nice is NOT so her mother can ease conscious after exploding at her.

If Jane is going to say it's ok to scream at a 4 year old because afterwards her father will be nice to her, I feel that's both unfair to and very, very unfair to Cassie, our daughter.

There was someone I talked to on Messenger for the last last 11 years and her account went dark. We were like close platonic friends and talking to her really helped with my stresses. And then I see this thing on Messenger saying "cannot connect because her account is not encrypted.

Like, for everyone else on Messanger it gave me a message saying "this converation is now protected with end to end encryption" but hers couldn't be encrypted for some reason. And then a few days later, her account name dissapears and now her name is just "Facebook User". and it won't let me send her messages. Because she failed some kind of e2e encyrption test?

Like a bunch of times im the last few days I've seen something that neither interested me or upset me or made me feel some other emotion and I said "I should tell Holly about this" and then I remember I can't.

It's almost like how I felt after my father died. I couldn't tell him about stuff either. Like, I know she's (probably) not dead so it's not really the same but it gives me the same feeling of being cut off from her.

Have you spoke to your manager about how this is making you feel