My mom is forcing me

Post Reply New Topic

Okay, I'm asexual and have a phobia of sex. Yet, my mom is trying to pair me up with one of my older brother's friends, who btw has dirty fingernails and smokes

It feels like she's being selfish because she expects me to give her grandkids (which I'm not sure if I'm able to).

Please help!

That is so wrong, I do not know where you live or all the circumstances but in most countries there are children help lines, I would get advice from them, as sure they could advise and give support, otherwise human rights if you really do get forced into a situation.

Your mum might be trying to be 'kind' by paring you up with guys because she doesn't understand you AS. I've heard stories of other parents going about the whole relationship thing the wrong way. Also have you heard her right? I sometimes misinterpret what other people say & make from it the worst possible things. I'm NOT not beleiving you though, if this is the case and she is forcing you into situations with men that your not comfortable with, you need to tell someone ASAP who can help. This could be a counsellor, social worker, teacher, family member or anyone you can trust.

Forcing someone into sex is rape, no matter how it's done. Refuse the man and say NO to ANY sexual contact. If he makes any advances your not comfortable with, boot him in the groin, I'm being serious, do not hesitate to defend yourself if you have to. Then contact the police as soon after as you can.

It's YOUR body & mind, don't ever let anyone invade that space.

If your mum is "forcing you" to go out with someone - as in just go to the movies with a boy, that is fine but you should feel free to invite another couple for safety.

If she's forcing you into any "action" beyond a normal date, then it's a human rights issue and should be dealt with as such.

I love my mother and all, but it feels like she wants me to get into a relationship very badly because she's worried about me being alone.

1. I'm not ready to be in a relationship (but I did agree to give this person a chance as a friend..nothing more)
2.Sex has always been my fear

P.S. My older brother is indeed NT

if this guy makes any advances that u are not comfortable with at all, defend yourself.

That is wrong on so many levels, it's like organize rape. I'm sure she has good intentions but she clearly isn't thinking about your feelings. If she doesn't realize that you need your space and that sex is not appealing whatsoever you can point out that you are going to withdraw from her in addition to your unwelcome suitors. You may feel obligated not to hurt your mother's feelings, but how are you going to feel when you're trapped in a forceful relationship with someone who wouldn't understand you? I would feel betrayed if my mother did that, I'd feel like my mother respected the other person more by giving me away like that. It takes willpower to assert your point, if you practice in front of a mirror or picture your mom going into set-up mode, you'll have an easier time getting these feelings out.

Or.....

She might be trying to HELP you.


Thats right help, shes forcing you outside your comfort zone in an area that all humans need. Interpersonal relationships, lets face it your current status quo doesn't seem to be doing anything for you in that regard.

Now if you are asexual because of some trauma this may not be completely a good thing, you should probably be seeing a councilor or something while trying to date on your own.

If you are just afraid of sex..... well let me tell you this is probably just your aspieness blowing your anxiety on the issue out of proportion.

Also, simply not being that intersted in sex does not mean you are asexual.
Asexual persons have some history or whatever that deadens them or puts them against those sorts of feelings which is quite tragic.
Alot of other people simply have a low sex drive, which can be helped.

If your mother is so interested in the guy, tell her to get with him herself.

You need to talk to your mom and clarify the whole sex thing.

It doesn't make sense that any (normal) parent would push their child towards sex.

It DOES however make sense that most parents would encourage (and even enthusiastically) arrange a date for their child if they thought that their child would not otherwise arrange one themselves.

I have two 39+ year old best friends - neither have ever had girlfriends, and yet they're amazing guys. One in particular would be a dream husband for most women and a brilliant dad. They're both godfathers to my sons.

I sometimes wonder if he'd been made to go on a few dates when he was younger, would he feel more comfortable asking women out now. He wants to find someone but has no idea how.

This could be you in years to come - forget sex, just think about companionship and lonliness.

Unless the guy really does turn you off badly, consider making it clear up-front that this is a "going out" not a "date" as such and try to enjoy yourself. Just stick to crowded and safe areas.

Ugh. Your mum might be trying to help you, but think about what you are comfortable with. This should be totally up to you.

If you feel uncomfortable or like this young man is angling for more than friendship, don't feel forced to be friends with him. If he starts trying to use 'friendship' as a back way to get with you, don't be polite. Tell him no way and avoid him.

Also, you mention he is a friend of your older brother. Does this make an appreciable age difference between you? (If you don't mind me wondering)