This is the end, my only friend the end

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As the topic sais, its my only friend. I do not belong in this world. I am not happy unless I am alone and away from life. If I interact with others I become a self obsessed as*hole.

The world I see outside my door is not fit for animals. Everything is a total lie, it looks like jelly, I can see through it and its so unstable that it wobbles.

A black hole with an uncertain place and time at its core is preferable to the supposed reality we live.

I am going to have to write everything before I go, to leave some insight as to who I thought I was.

This is the END

My only friend the END

I do hope you are not contemplating suicide. I can never really know, what another person thinks or feels, but I can tell you, that it's better to hang in there. I basically avoid people for the same reason. I become self obsessed. It's difficult to overcome, and I have been undergoing therapy to try and sort it out. It won't go away, in a few days or weeks. It's a lifetime ailment which may require a lifetime of mending.

Don't do anything silly. I guess I don't really have answer for your troubles but at least know that you are not alone. There are many people who feel the same or similar to how you feel now.

good song.

everything is a total lie. it's true.

You've been taking a lot of negative feedback (without any positive) from somebody that you prize highly. If the time has come to let go, I hope you will try letting go of that person before you let go of yourself.

Selfish as*hole my foot. You're using somebody else's yardstick.

Can you get off that road? and stay off it? That road leads nowhere.

I get self obsessed too. The thing that helped me deal with NTs is learning how to manipulate them. Now they don't bother me so much. It's worth the effort to learn it and you can get better at it than they can, even though they seem to be born to do it. Just enough evil to live.

Snap out of it.

who do you live for?
who are you?

are you more than one? do you have a reserve? a planned new "afterlife"?
no. no. no.

life offers everything. thats what existence is about :]
you dont want nothing you want something and something exists only in: see above.

There is a 1 hour sample of my emotional fluctuations above

No I do not have a planned afterlife, but if I get to meet God, I would like to punch him in the nose

Hang on, I would like a V8 cloud to drive, have sex with a dead supermodel and take a leak on the earth below me.

But then if I go the other way, I would shake hands with the devil, drive a V8 pitchfork, have sex with ten dead supermodels, and cos its soooo hot there, I'd need a constant supply of booze to keep my fluids up. Then take a leak on the ground and watch it sizzle.

I can't comprehend the afterlife as being nothing, or you just die and thats it. More than likely I'd be returned to the earth to live again because I'd failed at making my life work this time around. I wonder what happens if you always failed every time, would God or Yod finally say enoughs enough, you can come here now, leave the earth behind you lol.

Point of what I'm saying is, there is no planned afterlife because noone realy knows what it is until they die. But while you are alive you know exactly what you are in for, 65 years hard labor or government assistance on the bread line. I talked to a guy I've known for 35 years the other night about all the issues I have with this world. He is very strong in believing we must all do what we have to do, regardless of the fact were all working for our corrupt governments who plot to keep us all poor and starving so that we in turn depend on them. Even this friend of mine who is married with a child, could not tell me what the purpose of it all is, what life is all about. He said "to be honest mate, I don't know" .

Ok so I hear you saying, its for our children and our childrens children, for the future generations. If thats the case then, why do we treat our children so damn poorly. I'm not talking about parents in general, I mean why does our social system fail so badly at caring for our children, there are now a hundred times more hazards our kids have to face than they did in my generation and my generation 10 times more hassles as a kid than the one before that. If our legacy is to leave things in order for the future generations, I'm afraid its not going to be a great legacy. We failed miserably.

Thats where you and I differ greatly ZEGH8578, in your belief the here and now world is the place to be at any cost. It is a natural thing to die and it comes to all at some point in time. So if there is nothing after death and no Australia, then thats great, no more problems anymore. But it is my belief that there is an afterlife and I believe that quite strongly too and I don't think I'd be judged as harshly at the pearly gates as I am judged in this world.

Anyway I don't want to discuss religion. I have my own beliefs on that and they are personal and will not be changed. I can say that I'm not much of a social being but at least I am a spiritual one. If I had no beleif in an aferlife as well as no belief in this world then I might as well be reduced to nothing. Then what is the god damned point of it all.

Another day dawns for me, holding more uncertainty and anxiety. However I do feel much better after having vented my feelings in the Haven. What a haven this realy is for me.

This is what i cn say: You're an Aspie which means you have been given an opportunity to live a life very different, and i think it has more ups too, i wonder what it is like to die as an aspie.......

yeah, im glad your still among us aussie

time heals all wounds, in 10 years from now your gonna think back to this time and be glad you decided to bite your teeth together

and yes, ten years! to be safe

amen.

We all have days like the way you were feeling. Don't you have that someone special that you can open upto with these feelings. I would like my partner to feel at ease with me to open up and share his hopes, dreams and desires