massive anxiety after self-diagnosing .. normal??

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i was unsure / semi-relieved to first recognize that i may have asperger's .. now the more certain i am about it, the more i feel like i've discovered i'm in a straight jacket that i can never get out of. i'm having trouble leaving my house or talking to anybody. i can't put a sentence together without stuttering. where have all my coping mechanisms gone? i was better off before i knew!!

please tell me after some adjustment time, things get easier?

can someone tell me a positive story about how they learned how to cope with the world again after finding out that what's been troubling you all your life is something that can't be cured?

p.s. i do have a therapist, and she is seeking out resources for me .. but .. any words of wisdom in the meantime would be great.

After (and during) some adjustment time (enduring) ,things get easier.

really?? does breaking things help hurry things along? i feel like smashing everything i own.

hey, after some adjustment time, things get better!

no, really! You're forgetting that nothing has changed. You are still the same you you were before you knew. No one else knows unless you tell them, and those that might know, don't know because YOU just figured it out.

In other words, the only difference is that you are self aware. Try not to take it too seriously, 'K?

Just relax. Just because you feel like you woke up with sky blue skin and red polka dots across your face doesn't mean you have!

chill, dudette!

Merle

Absolutely Knot
The damage and replacement last much longer than the feelings you are have at the moment.
The world has not come to an end. You have just found the beginning.....Welcome aboard.

thank you

(i wonder why there's no "gushing tears" emoticon)

i Happen to have 1

break your old habits of putting yourself down that you can't do/be/are all the stuff you ain't. break your feelings of inadequacy and never being as good as. . .break down your own feelings of how you view autistic people, too.
That was my biggest problem, I couldn't believe that I was them. I was trained all my life to have a feeling of misplaced sympathy for those people. They were to be understood and helped and all sorts of things I now consider pretty condescending and frankly, prejudicial. Rarely do I even see it mentioned on WP, though, and even when it is, it is from the older folks that learned later in life.

So forgive yourself that, too. We are here with ya, Katzefrau, we aren't going anywhere.

Merle

oh, and I had a good start into letting a lot if being AS go because I have a deep and abiding belief in reincarnation, so I am not really invested in the idea that I only have 'one life.'

I realize that helps me absorb and deal with the idea that THIS is how my one life is going to be, because to me, it is only how THIS life is going to be.

your mileage may vary, of course.

Merle

yes. at some point knowledge becomes empowering .. i think i have just busted out of the denial stage, but i'll get there.



wow. an astute observation - i never would have even considered it, but it makes a lot of sense. years ago when i first heard about asperger's i was so fascinated by it i wanted to go back to school to study it (you know, as an observer). funny how (metaphor alert > ) you sometimes can't see the forest because there are so many trees in the way.

Sometimes it takes a couple tears to clear the vision.
When I found out about Apergers I was so interested I could scream, once diagnosed, I did.
For the first time in my life, I understood why people cry at weddings. I always associated crying with pain, but they always said "Oh no, they are tears of Joy". This was extremely baffling to me until the day I was diagnosed. So being diagnosed is not a problem, it is an explanation of so many things I have questioned for so long, the answers and realization were quite overwhelming for a while. The relief of despair and doubt of hope left overnight. Being DX'd is not a bad thing, it was and is a revealing thing. From now on, the only reason you have to be alone is because you choose to be, and that's ok, we all have our day's, in the end WP and those you meet here will be here and there with you and for you, to which extent is your call. It's gonna be OK, Really.

thank you guys. seriously.

i don't wish i was different; i like myself very much. i'm just having trouble adjusting from "i'm unique - there are great things about me and horribly difficult things about me" to "i have a neurological condition - there are great things about it and horribly difficult things about it." right now everything seems like a result of asperger's - i've forgotten who else i am.

but all i need to do is read some random posts here to realize that everyone is unique. you all just speak my language. and for that i'm grateful.

I am 44, and was Dx with AS 3 years ago.

At 1st I was overwhelmed with joy.........then I felt like I was awaking to a nightmare of Kafka-esque proportions. For I asked myself a question then that haunted me and confused me.

The question was, how the hell did I pull it off looking and appearing so damn normal all those years?

The answer was quick to come and threw me into a deep depression.

I survived by being someone else.

I went through a shattering identity crisis that took me to the edge of insanity, yet slowly but surely I emerged.

I felt like I was born again, and yet slowly I realised that all my life experiences had made me who I was, so even though I had a very refined and complex persona, my soul , the deepest part of my being had learned much about the human condition.

Living life no longer insulated by over identification with my NT mask was not easy, for in coming out of the closet, I was confronted with all the pain, humiliation and deep anguish that forced me into the closet in the first place.

Only through grieving was I able to heal the wounds of separation from my autistic self. A bit like the Berlin wall coming down........It takes time to heal. Be tender on yourself.

Tenderness and tears will be great companions on your journey.

i don't know that i've managed to appear normal, but what i've managed to do is appear (to some degree) as if my eccentricities were deliberate by associating myself with a variety of different sorts of outcasts, until it was undeniable i didn't "match" any of them either. i have spent my whole life looking for answers, looking for a "home," and avoiding situations where "appropriate" socializing (i.e. with healthy and communicative people) was expected, as every time i tried to integrate better, i suffered so much anxiety i was forced back into my shell.

and as far as sensory integration was concerned, i have absolutely no idea how i've been coping with that as now that i'm aware what's been causing my scrambled senses and so on, i seem suddenly far less capable of filtering anything out. i must have learned to subtly shift my attention a million times a minute to avoid overload, and it was so practiced as to become unconscious. i'm going to have to wear glasses and earplugs everywhere for awhile, and hope to develop real coping strategies (whatever that may be) over time.

thank you for sharing your story, Criss, and thanks to all who posted.

i'm happy to finally have answers and, little by little, i know my life will become whole. only this time, it won't be a lie.

when I was a little girl my whole idea of a 'heaven' was to have a chat with God and find out what was going on, why was my life like it was. After digesting big chunks about myself in the new pair of glasses in which I could now view my autism I do think I am having that chat with God before I had to die.

Hang in there, it gets different.

Merle