Failing at finding a meaningful relationship, 0 self esteem

Post Reply New Topic

I did probably the wrong thing yet again and became attracted to a girl I'd been talking to online. I did at least visit her IRL before I was attracted to her, though. She lives pretty far away from me and all. But the thing that's killing me is that she's now probably going to date another guy who lives far away from her, who she also met online, and move to where he is.

Everytime I fail at finding a relationship it makes me feel worse, I'm 25 now and I haven't dated anyone. I f*****g hate it.

After all this time I'm still where I was with the job and education areas that I was at when I was 18-19. I'm probably going to have to find some unskilled job that I'll probably f*****g hate, and think about whether to go back to school again(since my first 4 years of college turned out to be worthless).

My entire life feels like a f*****g waste of time. I have friends and family but that doesn't do much to keep my life from being complete s**t or stop me from hating myself.

At 25 you are just barely started. I was 21 before I had any kind of date at all, and about your age before I had a boyfriend. Most of my relationships lasted 3 months or less, and my longest one was almost a year, but part of that time it was long distance (he had to go to Florida for special Navy training and I live in California).

I was 45 when I got married, but things started unraveling about a year into it, and now I am getting divorced. Hubby finally got fed up with my lack of income and somewhat erratic behavior (was diagnosed with MI late in life). I turn 49 in a few weeks, but I am being optimistic about the relationship meltdown as I am finally starting to understand what the issues are. I have recently found a (male) friend who is accepting of my MI baggage as he is a bit messed up too.

My recommendation is to not get discouraged as you are waaaay to young to be jaded yet. You are still in the trial and error phase as I think we are late bloomers when it comes to relationships. It takes us a bit longer to figure things out. You are also a bit ruled by hormones so that doesn't help matters. Try to find someone who you can be a best friend with first, and then maybe add the "benefits" later. If nothing else, if you can have a BF of the opposite sex, it will help you in future romantic relationships as you will be better able to read cues and moods, and the other weird non-verbal s**t that goes on (I am still working on that myself, but hang out with people who don't care if I have social faux pas issues).

Hope this helps.

It's pretty old to be dealing with issues like a goddamn teenager still. I don't have any reason not to be jaded about my life honestly. I'm nobody going nowhere. I don't want to be in my 40s and still having problems with interpersonal relationships, I'd rather f*****g die.

Hi Dennis.

I was 31 when I finally met the man who would later become my husband.

Before then, I had not been on a real "date" until I was 24.

I was the one who went to a party (what few I was invited to) and was nice to everyone, tried to make small talk, but could not seem to "connect".\

When going out with friends, I would be the one holding my friend's purses while they were asked to dance.

Maybe it would have helped if I looked like Daryl Hannah (or some other good looking gal on the Autism Spectrum LOL) - but for average, slightly plus-sized me - it was blah all around.

My advice (although I know that "the haven" is not a place for advice) - is to cultivate your interests, do the things that you enjoy, become educated in areas that you find meaning and interest and enjoy your family and friends. Even if you never develop a meaningful boyfriend/girlfriend relationship - you will have lived your life in a meaningful way for yourself. On the other hand - if Ms. Right is out there somewhere - she will be attracted to a man who is intelligent, confident and possibly quite quirky (being Aspie afterall) and who is interesting to be around (as she will probably share many of your unique interests).

Your life is not a "waste of time" - you are wonderful, with or without being in a long-term relationship.

In the meantime - I empathize with you - I know that all the "you are wonderfuls" that I was assured didn't make me feel better when I longed to be part of a couple and have a meaningful relationship. However, I still rue that I did not pursue my own interests because I felt bad being alone. This is one thing that I would not wish on you. Live your life with joy - whether alone or with someone else.

CR

I don't know how to be happy. Having asperger's, major depression, and anxiety seems to make it nearly impossible. I've had things make me miserable no matter where I was or what I was doing.

I don't even know what to do or what I'm doing.

I'm so f*****g angry and upset with everything, I f*****g hate my life, I don't have any self-esteem, I don't know why I'm alive.

I haven't accomplished much of anything I wanted to in my life and at 25 I'm looking for what will probably be a unskilled crappy job, again.

Are you taking medication for the depression? If you're not then I would definitely recommend doing so, it can really help. I'm someone who suffers from episodes of very severe depression and I know how it can completely warp your perspective and destroy your life.

I think most of the advice I could give you has already been said by other responders. It's reasonable to feel angry or upset with where you're at. What I would do in your situation is to put all your negative energy into forming a plan of action to improve your situation. Putting yourself down internally may feel good, but it's not going to help you fix things. Negative self talk is a big barrier to achieving anything, I used to do it a lot and it took several years to break myself of the habit. It made me feel like a martyr but I realized it was pointless and self-indulgent.

That's part of my frustration. I've had a lot of problems with the mental health field. Far too many people who are either generally incompetent or know nothing about non-neurotypicals. I've been on a lot of medications and one combination was working for a while but seems to have stopped working.

I'm actually annoyed at my therapist right now because she complained about me not writing the answer to some question like she asked from last week after I'd told her that I pretty much hated my entire life.

Ugh this just isn't getting any f*****g better.

Can you think of a skill you have or would be willing to learn that could also be a job?

Just like life, accept it and move on I have