Why can't I be happy instead of a melancholy ?

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Lately it's been getting worse, my annoying melancholy. it's been driving my family nuts and my not-real-but-cyber friends up the wall.

I've always been a melancholy all my life (teenage years till now) and it caused me nothing but trouble. people would say I'll dwell on the past too much and I need to look at the future. But the reason I "dwell" on the past cause people would let me live it down.

I would love to start thinking about the future, but after what I did and say on FB I don't think I have a future.

Of course you people on FB heard about being careful about what you say and do, but me, the f**k up in the family had ruin any chance of being employed in the near future.

And not to mention that there's an ugly side shot picture of me circulating on FB at the moment that was token by my as*hole of a brother when I was driving one day. The comments was the were even worst than someone using a bad picture of me to humiliate me even beyond high school. Hell one person even said they were going to start a FB page called Super Ugly Man (Dunno if they ever did) with that picture of me.

Yes I contacted that person, asking if they could remove it, but I never got a reply back. And I'm too meek and shy to badger them to remove it.

The only thing I have left in this world is my music. Which is a form of escapism.
Apart from the fact that I would imagine a better life if my parents haven't divorced and what it would’ve been like to live with my cool father instead of my cruel mother. I sometimes wish an accident would happen to me, where I'm in a delusional coma. I could spend the rest of my days in another world instead of having dealing with this one.

So I've been spending more time locked up in my room, listening to my music to block out this world, and going into my fantasy world.

Why look to a future to where your nothing but a huge f**k up, when you could just escape ?
God some people are just plain lucky that they don't have Fragile X syndrome. And they seem to keep reminded me of this too.

I guess I answered my own question:
The only way I could be truly happy is in a coma or death

*hugs*

I don't know what causes people to act like that, but you don't deserve it.

If you keep feeling like this, find someone to talk to. You may be suffering from clinical depression.

Honestly, you can go through your history on FB and delete every single post or comment you ever made, all your pictures, change your user name and change your real name on there, and then disable the account. Nobody can find things you have said or done then.

As for the person who put up the pic of you that you don't like, and the one who threatened to start a page with it, you could always get a couple photo's of them and buy some photoshop softwear and gay porn and have a field day putting their faces on other people.

That was a joke, I'm not really advocating that.

But for real, what I said in the first paragraph is true, you can do that. You can also report the pic of you and ask FB to remove it.

People aren't really going to not hire you because of FB. If something shows up thats embarrassing, just tell whoever you are interviewing with that you were 1) hacked or 2) some idiot made an account in your name to bother you, you thought FB took it down, you reported it four times already! Then just let it go.

OOM! Where have you been? I heard you took me out of your will for not supporting your friend who got jailed because she had no license and a stack of appearance tickets she ignored.

huh ?

One day I'm gonna do a poll and see how many of us aspies are musicians. Seems like almost every 3rd or 4th person here on WP are musicians. No wonder so many of us are melancholy: we spend our time in solitude perfecting our craft.

Nah, he dad finally got her out.

I wasn't saying she did right by not going to court at all. The judge here will work with people. I mean he lives in town and knows most everybody. I think she just got all scared and hoped it would go away.

I do think it's overboard to have that high a bond and not set court right away. Unlike what somebody said on that thread, they do not have to take her to court within a certain amount of time. They may have to with felonies and class A misdemeanors but this was neither. They probably don't have a law on the books about letting people out right away for insurance tickets and not going to court over them because nobody in their right mind would lock up somebody for that long over it. It's one of those things where most people would think is basically a given.

She did have a license, she didn't have car insurance. She's never gotten a moving violation. She got the tickets in license checks, which they have around here all the time.

I've been here, just not online all that much. Schools out for the summer so my kids are on here a lot now.

But you're still out of the will! No inheritance for you! All my Highlander memorabilia will now go to somebody else!

You are suffering from a severe depression. Get professional help for it.

Delete your FB account, and never start another one. You can keep in touch with others by email, phone, in person, or by--GASP!!!--snail mail. Yes, people still do use that method. I have never had a FB account or at any other general social site. The closest I have ever come to that is my account here at WP, and I am also registered with Dear Abby. I sometimes like to respond to the letter writers there. I am also registered with some newspaper sites and some sites of personal interest to me, but not with any general social sites. I have no plans on ever registering with those general social sites. Hey, I'm an introverted, non social hermit. What do I need with a social site?

Don't mind RedRobin62's comment. He/she often cracks jokes. Personally, RR62's humor appeals to me, and often sets off my own.

Now go and get some professional help for your depression!

Oh I see ......
Anyways I guess I haven't totally screwed up my future :/

But there's still that picture of me circulating on FB and I already deleted my account but don't want to start a new one. I'm just going to let it be. There's no hiding the fact that I'm still fugly (f*****g Ugly) and I'm too depressed to give a damn anymore

You try having a social-pathic little brother, who can your worst enemy. He already made it where I could never go back to the town we grew up in. Everybody remembers too much of what happened back in high school, and thanks to my brother, I won't either.

I'm glad he's the "hero" or our family when he joined the military. but for me ? No Tony, the military would be waaay too much for you to handle. Just go back to being a child like loser! And here's my father picking up the pieces that my mother and her family caused. Always so supportive my mother was, especially the night I almost went to jail for assaulting my f*****g mall cop of a step-dad. She was sooo supportive that she told me I'd have more sex partners the first night in jail than I would ever in my life.

Yep and my Aunt and her boyfriend were supportive as well. My aunt would steal my SSI checks and use me to get what she wanted when I lived with her at the age of 18. But funny how she wasn't as supportive as her boyfriend, who would physically and verbally abuse me when he was drunk or in his bad moods, or without his effing drugs! He even shot at me one night for acting like a child. The night I left that place he almost killed me with a baseball bat. PTSD? You bet!

All I want to do is escape this world and this life and get it done and over with

Sorry for the long, angry rant but it's supposed to be therapeutic right ?

<----- Ahhh! Questor finally acknowledged him. His life is complete!

@MarioLuvs1up - You'll be okay. You got it right about expressing your innermost thoughts and feelings - they free you so you can move ahead. I learned that the hard way. That's what WP is for.

I skip this facebook @#!@%$#%^ but what you say about melancholia is probably dysthymic disorder, so the good news, it has a name and can be diagnosed and treated. Bad news, you'll probably only receive a prescription for Prozac and have to take a low dose on a regular basis. Having it for my whole life, i know it's not fun. The best you can expect is relief, but don't hope for a cure. In the end you'll have to live with it, though under much improved conditions due to SSRI's.

I was just reading about that disorder on Wikipedia and I've come to conclusion that either I'm that what you suggested or bi-polar. I was diagnosed with chronic depression (Or whatever it's called) at one point in my life, then with Schizophrenia then something else and so on and so on.

I'm beginning to think that even the doctors don't even know whats wrong with me

More often than not, symptoms overlap each other and shrinks will find exactly what they are looking for and cling to their diagnosis. It's a bit like the question "chicken or egg," even more so since depression is often defined as co-morbidity of AS or HFA.

"Melancholy" describes it best for me, however, it can alternate with episodes of major depression. Most of the time i perceive i perceive my life as a prison camp where every escape attempt only leads to even tighter conditions. Or like a dog who is being teased with a sausage.

I thought I would add this facebook related funny here. It doesn't really have anything to do with your situation, except to show that facebook can be just flat out silly and it doesn't mean anything.

As I have said, I have my OOM FB for WP and my personal FB for my friends and family and people I know in real life. Before I did a big friend clean out a few months ago, I had lots of people in town who were just acquaintances on it. Several cops and the assistant chief of police who I do NOT get along with for various reasons, one of which he threatened to shoot my dogs in my own house because they barked at him through the window but that's neither here nor there.

Anyway, we never really chatted. He sometimes commented on my status and I commented on his, maybe once every two months or so. Wished each other happy birthday, like you do to everybody when it's their birthday because fb reminds you, whether you like them or not. In other words he was just there on mine and I was just there on his, we were not and are not friends.

Now, down here folks do this thing where they snag a picture of expensive shoes and tag their friends in the picture. I do not know why nor understand it. It's meant as a gesture of affection or something. You tag guys in expensive athletic shoes and you tag girls in pretty high heel expensive designer shoes. Usually when one person tags someone in a shoe pic, lots of other people try to find better shoes to tag that person in. It shows up on their wall.

Well, somebody tagged this cop in some new Nikes that were coming out and the whole thing started up. He got tagged in five or six shoe pics a day and you are expected to respond with something funny or a comment or something when you get tagged in them. I watched people tag him in $200 tennis shoes for several days and his comments about how fast he could run if he had those or he could out jump somebody else in them, etc. I couldn't take it anymore. I searched the internet until I found a picture of Dorothy Gales feet in her Ruby Slippers and tagged him in them. He did not comment, but almost everybody else commented with "LOL!" and similar things. He was not happy.

That's an example of how ridiculous FB crap and drama actually is. He was all upset cause I tagged him in ruby slippers and he felt his reputation was being dissed or something. So, don't take FB too seriously, even if you get tagged in ruby slippers.

So in other words I should just relax and not take things seriously ?