How should I stand up to my parents?

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busybody
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04 Sep 2012, 10:40 pm

Problem: I have had a relationship with a woman who currently in prison for the last six years. She wants to take the final plunge but how can I tell my parents? They are extremely controlling and and I can't stand up to them. They treat me like a six year old and its getting tiring. I do not think that this would be accepted at all.Some personal background information I am 37 years old and I am a male. I am going to the Asperger community for your comments.

What should I do???



NoGyroApproach
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04 Sep 2012, 10:57 pm

How long will she be in prison and what crime did she do to get in there? People who are in prison can have a very different behavior when they get out because they do not have someone keeping them in line. It is almost like they have no self control. I have had personal experience with this (friend). Also, the person may do ok out of prison but with parrole. Once the parrole is done, sometimes they will revert back to bad habits. Did you know this person before they went to prision? My suggestion would be to wait until the person gets out of prison and see how things go for like a year. If it is ment to be then a year will not make a difference. Just my thoughts.


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LadybugQ
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04 Sep 2012, 11:08 pm

I can see how your parents would object to your involvement with a woman who's in prison - they would be justified in their concerns of you being taken advantage of. Is she in prison for identity theft, forgery, typical theft (stealing something like sunglasses, music/DVD's and so on)? Or is she a gang member who is skilled at taking advantage of "weak" personalities?

It would help to know more about the female in question before I can honestly and logically agree with an argument your parents would make about her, or giving you the moral and spiritual support to help you "grow a pair" and tell your parents to go to hell.


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BlueMax
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05 Sep 2012, 12:16 am

What on earth is "the final plunge" anyway... suicide??

And if she's one of those people always in trouble, your relationship WILL drag you into it too.

Just down the street from me, a woman was recently shot dead when she went to visit her old boyfriend who just got out of prison and was staying in a known drug house. She was shot just by some guy who happened to be there stoned out of his mind.

You enter that world, you take serious risks. Your parents have a very, very big point.



busybody
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05 Sep 2012, 12:21 am

LadybugQ wrote:
I can see how your parents would object to your involvement with a woman who's in prison - they would be justified in their concerns of you being taken advantage of. Is she in prison for identity theft, forgery, typical theft (stealing something like sunglasses, music/DVD's and so on)? Or is she a gang member who is skilled at taking advantage of "weak" personalities?



She is there for a California Penal Code 187



Mike_Garrick
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05 Sep 2012, 12:42 am

busybody wrote:
LadybugQ wrote:
I can see how your parents would object to your involvement with a woman who's in prison - they would be justified in their concerns of you being taken advantage of. Is she in prison for identity theft, forgery, typical theft (stealing something like sunglasses, music/DVD's and so on)? Or is she a gang member who is skilled at taking advantage of "weak" personalities?



She is there for a California Penal Code 187


And for those of us not intimately familiar with the California penal code system?
Google says murder.

Do I really have to say it?
Fine.
Run, run fast, run hard and never look back.
She is in jail for life, exactly what kind of relationship do you think your going to have with this woman?



busybody
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05 Sep 2012, 1:06 am

Mike_Garrick wrote:
busybody wrote:
LadybugQ wrote:
I can see how your parents would object to your involvement with a woman who's in prison - they would be justified in their concerns of you being taken advantage of. Is she in prison for identity theft, forgery, typical theft (stealing something like sunglasses, music/DVD's and so on)? Or is she a gang member who is skilled at taking advantage of "weak" personalities?



She is there for a California Penal Code 187


And for those of us not intimately familiar with the California penal code system?
Google says murder.

Do I really have to say it?
Fine.
Run, run fast, run hard and never look back.
She is in jail for life, exactly what kind of relationship do you think your going to have with this woman?


How do you erase a six year relationship? She has been a little dependent especially in the emotional department.



Mike_Garrick
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05 Sep 2012, 1:21 am

busybody wrote:
How do you erase a six year relationship? She has been a little dependent especially in the emotional department.

By not driving to the jail, being searched and signing yourself in as a visitor?

I've never been particularly good at letting go of anything...even trash"no I don't mean that figuratively, I mean it literally" "then again i suppose I mean it figuratively as well" so I may not be the best person to tell you how best to go about it.

However I can tell you that you don't want to marry a woman who is in jail for murder.
Well, I mean maybe you do, and if you do that's your business and you tell everyone else to f**k off because you finally found someone who loves you for you.

But do you? I mean do you really want to?
Be married in a jail, have your honeymoon consummation in a jail with a time limit and guards listening in?
For all of your intimate moments to be heard by not only guards but other inmates?
To every time someone asks you about your wife have to tell them shes in jail...for murder?

If your ok with all that then its not really our business.
But you should be sure about something like this....especially if she might stab you one visit if she thinks your cheating...just a thought. :wink:



again_with_this
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05 Sep 2012, 2:07 am

I don't blame you for wanting to stand up to your parents in general, but in this case you're making a terrible mistake.

I know desperation, loneliness, and social ineptitude can make a person do strange things, but you've gotta try your best to stay in the real world here. Your six year "relationship" is not real. Quite frankly, you probably don't know what a real relationship is so you don't know any better. But this thing with a woman you met while she was in prison is a joke and a disaster.



busybody
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05 Sep 2012, 2:24 am

Mike_Garrick wrote:
busybody wrote:

If your ok with all that then its not really our business.
:


No, I really appreciate the comments here. I feel comfortable letting this out.



BlueMax
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05 Sep 2012, 4:52 am

as aspies, we seem to have a knack for finding ourselves in very, VERY weird situations...



thewhitrbbit
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05 Sep 2012, 10:58 am

You want to get married to a woman who may never get out of jail? What kind of family would you have? What kind of life? You wouldn't be able to go out on dates, or spend time together other than visitations and maybe conjical visits once in a while. If you have any married friends, you'll never be able to go out with them or anything with her.

Your a grown man and no one can stop you from doing it, but I think that your making a mistake either out of desperation or nativity.



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05 Sep 2012, 11:08 am

again_with_this wrote:
I don't blame you for wanting to stand up to your parents in general, but in this case you're making a terrible mistake.


Not just a normal mistake but a colossal and gigantic blunder.

The OP shouldn't be running. He shouldn't even be driving away. He should be flying away from this situation at Warp Factor 9.



ADoyle90815
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05 Sep 2012, 3:25 pm

Tequila wrote:
again_with_this wrote:
I don't blame you for wanting to stand up to your parents in general, but in this case you're making a terrible mistake.


Not just a normal mistake but a colossal and gigantic blunder.

The OP shouldn't be running. He shouldn't even be driving away. He should be flying away from this situation at Warp Factor 9.


I agree, while the OP is an adult, I also think this is a major mistake. I was with someone who had a misdemeanor on his record, and while he never had to do any jail time, it was still the biggest mistake I made in my life. As I was an adult, I had to learn the hard way that people with anything other than a minor traffic ticket on their record should be avoided.



busybody
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05 Sep 2012, 10:32 pm

BlueMax wrote:
as aspies, we seem to have a knack for finding ourselves in very, VERY weird situations...


I agree with you very much.



Autinger
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05 Sep 2012, 10:47 pm

Yeah, stop seeing that woman as soon as possible.