Rant about bf's bipolar disorder

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Some time ago, I wrote here on the forums expressing my dissatisfaction with my bf's attitude towards me. Basically. Since the end of May, things started to change. His temper became shorter, he became less and less affectionate up to the point that I felt/feel so unwanted and unloved that it feels to me as if I'm an unwanted neighbour inviting herself for coffee on a really bad moment. During summer it became more and more apparent that there's some kind of depression going on, which he finally admitted in August when he started to become psychotic.

I feel concerned with his well-being. And as I know he suffers waaaaay, way more than I do I'm having problems for a while now too. I have nowhere to go really with my issues, as most friends are common and every single one of the people who got a clue about how I feel have been pushing me to dump him and date them instead. Right. Not in the mood for such jokes.

I feel lonely and sad often, and I often cry at night time. I feel I have no support or someone who's on my side. I had to start a new college year and nobody asked me anything, offered any type of support or whatever and my bf only made it worse by saying people at that place are horrible, which I knew to be rubbish because he doesn't know any of them but it DID somehow give more stress.

I have been patient and remained interested in his well-being. But certain things are hard for me to deal with, especially over a several-month course.

-Childish behaviors. Just...acting like a kid or a ''teenager''. Acting dramatic about tiny stuff. I know it's the disorder, but remaining patient is difficult even though I always managed.

-Feeling very unloved and unwanted. Somehow, because I AM in the relationship, lack of ''love'' or ''appreciation'' hurts more than when being single, when I don't mind. I guess it is because the lack of it is now so apparent. He acts so unaffectionate, uninterested, etc, and I know he can't really help it, but I suffer from it too.

-His ''suicidal behaviors''. Saying bizarre stuff on the internet, (just not normal, not good) quoting suicide notes. It gives me stress and I know I can't do anything about it. It just worries me to see him acting bizarre again.

-I seem to do very little right and when I make a small ''missstep'' (I already have some kind of protocol when communicating) I get loads of negativity and what not, despite the fact that I keep my distance (he can't have much now), despite my patience with a lot of things, my interest in him and sincere wish for him to feel better.

Now he just sent me a text message acting all negatively. I made a slight ''missstep'' last night so now he's acting all traumatized.

There's attention for his feelings, but I can't burden him with mine, so I have to deal with it myself. Writing it off of me does help. I'm not depressed, nor constantly sad, but I do have issues with it and I think I'm going to my university's psychologist.

Apologies for any bad English.

I know this is a rant, but I suppose you would not mind some feedback. I was in a situation very similar to yours in my late twenties, and it made me as miserable as it seems you are. A relationship should be mutually supportive and most of all, something you enjoy; something that makes your life better for being in it! I hope you are able to resolve things -- sometimes it is hard to see things for how they really are when you are stuck in the middle of them. I figured out after a while, that I must put my own needs first, and honour my feelings with appropriate actions when possible. Best of luck-- working your way through this kind of relationship is not easy!

Oh my god he just broke up with a text message. Omg it has almost been a year. I don't know what I feel right now but it looks a bit like panic.

Oh I'm going to get a drink and then I'll be going out, I can't stay here now. If I stay in my chair I will go mad.

Omg no!

And it's not like i can call or anything no. Again I hear nothing and I mailed him and I just hope he comes to his senses. FFs why can't we even talk about it, it's not something tiny now is it. I feel I have the right to a conversation of some type!

If this is true it's so sad I don't want this no! We fit together so so so well before he went mad! I will miss that so much and it was so good.

I hope I can talk to him on Tuesday when I have nothing on the agenda but of course it will take forever to reply to my mail. I need to go outside soon or I will keep pressing the refresh button in gmail.

It hurts so bad

I'm trying to think of a place to go. Maybe I shouldn't.

One of the FEW FEW people who's company I enjoy. I don't want to lose him!

Wow, that's tough!

There's not much you can do but let feelings calm down for both of you. I would suggest you wait until tomorrow at the earliest to contact him so you both have time to calm down and act with a clear head.

DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, talk to him about this if either of you have been drinking!! !

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I will do that. After half a bottle of wine I can actually think more straight (wtf:p ) and that's better. I hope that he comes to his senses in the following week. I wrote him an email, having these suggestions:

-talking to him on Tuesday. I have nothing to do on that day and neither does he.
-having about zero contact until he feels better. It should NOT end because of a psychotic interpretation of what I wrote.

Yet, he says he does not want me to mail him. Okay. The reason given clearly shows it is because of his disorder; it's reasoning from his disorder and not true. Now my only hope is that he is able to come to his senses.

And I'm shocked right now as he removed his Facebook. I'm scared this is a bad sign. Omg no. This is so bizarre... Please let this be of no meaning...

Is there anyone with experience with bipolar disorder, and can anyone tell me if and when he can come to his senses?

I'm scared right now. Oh god I hope he's ok.

He du,per me so that "I'm better off". Idiot!! Idiot!! I love him and he can be so sweet. He's NOT his normal self right now and I don't say this because I feel hurt, but because of things he said. Theyre clearly delusional and I'm worried. Oh god be fine. Please get better.

That sounds like you're going through a really hard time...(sorry about the dumb statement--I just didn't know how to start this off.)

Several people in my family suffer from varying degrees of bipolar disorder and it's not easy to cope when they're hyper-manic or severely depressed. People with bipolar are a lot like people with ASD in that no two are alike. With some, all they need is their space. Others need intervention. Medication helps most of them.

I can tell from your posts that all you want is to be at his side, to help him. He's not able to see that right now and the more you go to him, the further he'll run. I know he asked you not to, but send him one e-mail message. Let him know how you feel, that you love him and you're there for him. Tell him that if he changes his mind, you're there to talk. And--now this is the hardest part--be willing to accept that he may not be open to your offer and that it may be over. I know how heartless that sounds and I think I can imagine how bad you hurt you right now. I'm so sorry if anything I've said has caused you worse pain than you're already in. I hope things work out for the best for both of you.

Thanks for the reply It feels like he's taking a lot of decisions on impulse right now. He's been sending me rubbish about me deserving better. Well, I hope he can do something with my suggestion of "freezing" the relationship and pausing it, just leaving it now and continue and look at it again when he's in a better state.

And for the rest of it: I feel miserable.