Shunned from my church, wishing I was dead

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Hey,

I feel horrible lately and I feel like sharing why, I have autism and I was attending a church for a few years. Most everyone or at least the key people from the church knew I had autism and some how the whole situation ended badly. I don't know whats relevant and whats not so I'll start from the beginning. I have struggled with drug use for years even before I started attending this church, while I made an effort not to, I even attended church a few times high. Again most everyone knew about this and supported me and wanted me to quit which I did numerous times but always relapsed. They never complained, just prayed again and still supported me. They never said flat out, stop coming if you continue doing this. Now that may not even be relevant but I figured I would point out that I haven't always been appropriate at church, now fast forward to the last few months.

There is a church bus that goes where I live to the church and there were a number of people that wanted to come to church in the apartment complex I live in. However, they couldn't because another member who also rode the bus lied and said the church would have them arrested which is complete BS. I got offended and talked to pastor about the issue and said that I would see to it that the people threatened would make it to church. This is where things went wrong, the other member who was making these threats started harassing me and threatening my life. I didn't know what to do so I called the cops and took them to court.

BIG MISTAKE

The pastor of this church exploded at me for lack of a better word and said that I have been crude, rude, threatened his family the entire time I've been there and how dare I show unforgiveness towards others when I behave the way I do. I got a bit on the defensive and told him that he knows I am autistic and that I never meant to be crude, rude or threatening to anyone and said if he felt this way he should have told me so I could have an understanding that this was happening so I could stop. He than told me that I use autism as an excuse.....

I am crushed, I mean, I love this dude like a father and I would do anything for him and not only does he think I use autism as an excuse but the fact that he felt threatened by my presence for the last 2-3 years. I loved everyone at that church, I never meant to be threatening. Could it have been the drug use which I admit is horribly inappropriate? I asked him when I threatened him and his family or to provide an example and he refuses. I haven't been back to this church in weeks and I am so depressed its not even funny, I've been hospitalized three times since then and I am contemplating suicide everyday.

I don't know what else to say, I am not sure there is a point to this thread but I am just in so much pain, I honestly hope I don't have to live on this planet much longer. I have lost what feels like a second family to me.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

If I were you, I would forget this church, and move to another church.

It seems like a situation which can't be remedied.

Don't tell the people in the new church that you have autism, or that you are a drug user. Maybe go into Narcotics Anonymous and mention that you are autistic and a drug user. It's none of the business of the congregation.

The best thing you could do is to completely get off drugs. This would create a better life for you.

Welcome to the realm of organized religion.

I'm sorry that this experience was traumatic for you, but at least you now know what mainstream "Christianity" is really all about.

Unfortunately, this is all too true.

I am sorry you are going through this. May I suggest checking out a Humanist group close to where you live. I have a feeling they will be much more accepting than those other religions who claim to accept people.

PS no, I don't belong to any of them...I got sick and tired of their hypocrisy

Thats what I am trying to do, I found another church but God I loved them like family, I really REALLY REALLY think this might be the death of me.



Well I didn't at first but I can explain why I did, they were so loving in the beginning I didn't foresee this happening. They were so accepting that I figured only more acceptance and understanding could follow if they knew I wasn't quite right.



Easier said than done, especially in light of whats happened, drugs and alcohol are the only thing I feel like preventing me from killing myself, I am drunk right now.



Unfortunately humanist belief differs from mine but I appreciate the reply.

Yup. You're always going to be a demon in their eyes. Take this as a growing point and move on.

I attend a LDS church which is very conservative and I feel out of place sometimes.They know I am the "rock and roll" type and they cannot change it. I like to go dancing and to concerts. But I have had people come up to me and say that I'm are the heart and soul of the church. If I even miss a week, They people sent to my home to see if everything is OK. As long I am keeping with church policy and philosophy, I am in the clear

Last edited by frenchmanflats on 06 Oct 2015, 7:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

OP, you need to be aware that a lot of religious groups "love-bomb" new members. After a while, the demands will start coming in.

From what you write, it is obvious that something is not right in the church. That said, it is hard to know what you may have done to cause resentment. Watch out for the "guess what I'm mad about" game - it can be really damaging if you torture yourself about it. If the man doesn't want to tell you what you did wrong, then there are limits to what you can do about the situation.

A lot of religious people would like to be better than they are. They would like to have love in their hearts for everybody, but nobody is capable of loving and understanding absolutely everybody. Even though they are Christians, they are not themselves Jesus.

The most loving, caring and "accepting" people can immediately turn on you. The reason I quoted "accepting" is because people tend to say they accept something when they don't. Most often though, when they don't understand something, they pretend to in order to make you feel better. They pretend to understand you. You can tell this when speaking to them, they don't hear out your problems in much detail without telling you not to worry. It builds up a storage of negative emotions from their side, when you keep doing something wrong (like appearing passive-agressive) and they keep shrugging it off until the glass is unbalanced and tips over. All that build-up spills out. That's how human emotions work and that's why the fallout appears so sudden.

You might find sometimes that when the glass is getting more unbalanced, people start to appear "off" with you. That's the time to back out for a while. Other times, people will purposely cause an argument or be rude to you. Again, that's the time to back out.

In all honesty though, I think the people of that church should be ashamed of themselves. They've been horrible to you. Also, I've experienced time and again that I somehow appear passive aggressive to people. People think I hint madly at them too. I don't. I tell them. They don't understand, therefore they don't remember. It's just how people are.

Most NTs (and most aspies, in my experience) will never understand, there are few who will. The good news is, that even with those who don't understand, they can still be accommodating because they care. They are only a few though, but valuable they are.

Do you go to church for social reasons, or do you go because you think that whilst Jesus is indeed the "mediator between God and man", Jesus needs a further mediator, (a priest), between himself and you?

If the latter, no need to fear, Jesus was shunned from his Church also, so he knows how you feel, he will soon call those that this world rejects, I steer clear of religions in view of Jesus warning:-

"22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’"

A lot of people think they are doing the Lords work by going to church, they will be in for a surprise when Jesus tells them he never new them.
Maybe they have been worshiping a different Jesus from the one in the Bible?

That's a very good way to put it, I always thought that growing up when I used to have to go to church.

That's an extremely interesting point, Nambo! Gah, whenever people talk about dying like that, I feel like crying... I guess I sort of take on peoples' emotions and emphasize with them a bit too much...

Current religions seem to be practiced more for the sake of suppressing free thought and creativity than in uplifting the downtrodden. When the response of religious people to question and criticism is a resounding "Shut up!", then there is something decidedly wrong with the religion, the people who practice it, or both.

All religions are Idolatrous Golden Calves who commit blasphemy by stealing some of the credit due to Jesus.
He gave his life to buy you out of death, 100% of your salvation is due to Jesus sacrifice.
However, when religions claim you will only be saved by being in their religion, are they not therefore stealing some of the salvation due to Jesus?
Same as religions such as the Jehovahs Witnesses who practice their form of the Mosaic Law, teaching that you will only be saved if you follow their doctrines of men like not smoking or not masturbating, that you have to earn your salvation by knocking on doors, I expect a lot of them are so perfect that they only need about 2% of Jesus sacrifice as they have almost saved themselves?, yeah right, did they never read Jesus parables about the man who owed much compared to the man who owed little?

It isn't just Christianity. Judaism has become sectarian, with people coming to blows over whose rabbi is better, and those rabbis telling their followers how to live, whom to marry, and even what to wear.

Islam ... well, where to begin? Subjugation of women, imperialism by genocide, wealthy Muslims showing blatant lack of concern for refugees ... I could go on.

Buddhists, Hindi, Wiccans ... every religion displays some form of power-grabbing that runs contrary to their teachings of "Peace and Fellowship", that only the rank-and-file followers are blind to.

The rest of us - we who hate religion - see the world's religions for what they are: power-hungry, money-grubbing institutions that rely on ignorance and fear to keep their followers in line, and to keep the wealth flowing upward.