If this is it, why keep trying?

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Evening all,

I guess I'm still coming to terms with actually getting diagnosed with Aspergers. I've been OK with it the last few weeks since I found out, but now I'm at a really cranky, bitter, hopeless phase.

It went so long without getting diagnosed. I know people do go for years without a diagnosis, but I've been to various doctors, psychologist etc over the last few years for depression and the like, and it's never been picked up til now. Useless, the lot of them. So much DAMN time wasted.

I'm disillusioned too because, I guess I was still hoping that everything - not being able to make friends, having crap social skills, spending my life in fear of getting fired - would boil down to a chemical imbalance/food intolerance or something easily and simply fixable. Now it's this and it's just the way I am, unfixable, end of story.

So, this is it. I'm *never* going to have any friends, I'm *never* going to have a relationship, nothing is *ever* going to change.

So why keep trying? Why keep struggling through when everything's so damn difficult, and it's never going to get any easier?

dont worry, its not as helpless as all that....

now you know you have this, you can now make stratigies to eliminate the bad sides of it and enchance the good sides...

you do realise there are good things about being Aspergers?

OP: I feel your pain: I ask myself the same question religiously, hoping for an answer I like; an answer that doesn’t involve pain and suffering, to no avail. Why try to walk when I have no legs amongst those that do, it's impossible.

I don’t think there is shame in succumbing to the inevitable; holding out, “wishing” and forcing yourself to be what you’re not through immense suffering on your part, I think that is shameful…maybe.

I still haven't found the answer, sorry.

This is truly how I used to feel...My situation hasn't changed but I guess the way I feel about my situation has changed...The way I view it is this...(I'm hoping that this could make you feel a little better) AS/autism is related to the neurological structure of the brain, which is made up of neurons and circuits between neurons...and the thing is, even if we can't change the significant part of the neurological structure of our brain, our brain is capable of forming/creating new circuits...
So that means, there is room for improvement...
Lots of aspies manage to learn social skills and communication skills and form social bonds such as friendship or marriage...and many have fulfilling careers...I don't see any reason you can't be one of them...
It's not easy...as nobody ever promised us a rose garden...but I'd say if we don't give up and continue to have our hopes and keep on trying, we will have more chance to get there than not trying...

Maybe you dont need to have friends/relationships in the way that NT's do but being in an NT world we learn to want this to try fit in but we cant be so good at it because deep down we dont actually need the NT social infrastructure that keeps them sane. I dont hear anyone suggest trying to embrace being an Aspie and learning what you dont actually need rather than learning what you need to be NT. Having friends was always just convenient for me especially when working or at school.

THose things your psychologist tells you are lies. Bold-faced ignornat lies. You will have friends and a lover, you are simply pickier about who that friend and S.O. is. That's how all ASpies are, hun.

Because the following is nothing more than you speculating, or buying in to someone else's misinformed opinion.



You believe it to be true, it will most likely become true. You accept defeat, you effectively forfeit the game before you are truly defeated.

The great thing about life, and the most horrible thing about life, is that we never know what tomorrow will bring. Yesterday's events showed that pretty well, in the negative side. Both sides exist. If you resign yourself to the notion that it can't get better, you won't seize opportunities that arise that could make things better. You will write them off as "impossible," "pointless," etc, before even giving them a shot.

Will it get better if you keep at it? Possibly, possibly not. Will it get better if you give up? The odds of that are much lower.

omg... Grimbling .. my heart goes to you ..

you have just written my own words... i have no friends .. and i desperately want friends.. i have no partner .. and am dreadfully lonely .. all the time ..
i guess it is like being on another planet!

anyway .. i feel pretty hopeless too .. the only thing i'm hanging onto now is that i know this is pretty "new/fresh/raw" for me too .. and i "hope" that with some time and information that empty feeling might lessen some .. after reading a couple posts here .. i'm looking forward to hearing what the positives to being an Aspie are..?? any tips? anyone?

anyway .. i'm not going to say "you're not alone" .. i don't know how many times i've heard those words when i was exactly that Alone! .. but i will say .. i have a pretty damned good idea how you feel! (close anyway!)

thanks for your letter ... at least I feel that someone understands me a little more .. i hope you get the same thing ..

yeah, none of us are alone, we have everyone here for support....

im also alone and lonely.... but i find being here helps...

One of the positive things about Aspergers is that we're so freakin smart. We have the capability - though it is very hard sometimes - to learn to overcome or moderate our symptoms. So never say never, my friend.

Never say never.

Believe it or not, it does get easier. I'm an Aspie, and I made friends. It was hard, and it took a long time, but I have really, really good friends now, who I know will stand by me when I need them to. I'm still working on the relationship part, or rather, I'm ignoring the relationship part as if my life depended on it.

As for a cure, I think you still need a fact check. It would be nice if Asperger's was only not fitting in, but it's not. No one knows exactly how much of your thoughts, fears, dreams, likes, dislikes, skills and weaker points are Asperger's, or touched by Asperger's. To some extent, I think everything about us has something to do with Asperger's. Including the things you like best about yourself. Now think and decide: Would you really give up everything about you non-physical self as you know it if then you could fit in?

Because your body and mind are making you. Biological urges and human needs and such.

I've been thinking about this, and yes. I would.

I've tried everything available to try to improve my social skills - books, courses, therapy, you name it. There's really nothing else left to try. And if this is as good as it's going to get I'm really not convinced it's worth going on.

Wow. Then I'm really, really sorry. I hope that you reconsider, as unlikely as that seems right now.

shame you live nowhere near me..... i would be your friend....


i would like friends too...

Thank you, WP-ers.

Maybe I need to shift my goal posts a bit, maybe I expect too much of myself, can't deliver, and that's why I go through these hopeless moods.