I hate gas

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Why do our bodies have to expel gas out of our arses? Why can't our bodies naturally have a chemical or something that dissolves gas from the gut? Life would be a lot less embarrassing if it did.

I'm only 29 and yet sometimes farts just slip out, like it does with elderly women in their 70s and 80s. Today at work it happened, in front of a good-looking guy that is the polite sort. I was coming out of a room and he was behind me, and I didn't even feel like I wanted to fart but as I stepped out the door a fart just slipped out. I'm not sure he heard it or not, as it wasn't loud loud, but I heard it. Sometimes people do hear farts but pretend they didn't hear. He was talking as it happened so hopefully he didn't hear it. Also the step is rather creaky so if he did hear it, it could have been the step.

I hate it when people say "you shouldn't be embarrassed about it because everyone farts". Well, everyone's got a butt but would you show your butt in public? No, it's considered rude and inappropriate. Same with farting, it's natural but doing it in front of polite company is considered rude and inappropriate. I'm the shy type when it comes to farting in front of other people, even my own mother.

Quite understandable.

People overreact to them--there are two kinds of people: those who fart, and liars.

My grandmother said there was more room outside than in. There's a difference between farting in public & straight-up mooning someone--usually mooning is done on purpose. (Which is why clip-on suspenders are poor form.)

But you are right--

Yeah...it’s a pain in the butt...

I’m embarrassed about farting, too.

I used to know people who let farted out in the open. Never got used to that.

About fifteen years ago I was in Budapest with a woman friend. We went to an excellent Durer exhibition in a very high ceilinged, spacious gallery. Now this friend has absolutely no self -awareness of what is appropriate or not, and has a reputation for farting whenever or wherever the rumblings erupt.

There was an elegant, cultured calm in the gallery, just a hint of shuffling feet and guarded whispers. All of a sudden my friend released a tremendous fart into this almost sacred atmosphere that, aided by the ecoustics, bounced back and forth from ceiling to floor like a massive organ playing in Notre Dame, the horrors of it. My friend being my friend just continued looking at the drawings nonchalantly, with the look of pure innocence on her face that only seasoned, serial offenders can acquire, whereas I turned as red as a beetroot and looked as guilty as hell.

Later, when I spoke to her about it, she told me that at the university where she teaches English she once farted during an exam. Completely unphased she confidently announced to her students: " that's how you fart in English."

Maybe scientists will team up with tailors of underwear to find a way for humans to siphon off the rectal emissions, and recycle them.

As I understand it it's mostly methane. Maybe they could pipe it to the top of your head where you would wear a device like a beanie copter.. that burns the methane, and powers a little turbine hooked up to a little generator that...recharges your cell phone!

Lol great idea! My son lives in an ecologically friendly village and converts human excrement into cooking gas. Yuck.
They say that cow farts (methane) are actually the biggest pollution problem.

Let's not forget...the dog did it.

^Some dogs do tremendous farts. The evacuate the room kind. But what about cats? I can't remember a time when my cats have farted.

I can only fart in front of one person - my ex-partner. She farts in front of me.

Ever go deep in analyzing and changing your diet?
The food we put in has everything to do with what solids and gases come out of our asses.

On an interesting aside regarding dog farts, I switched our dogs to a "prey model raw diet," which is essentially just raw meat, bone and organs and zero starches. Amazing that their gas has completely gone away. It's amazing how an animal can thrive when on their historically superior diet.

I don't know if I like the description of tonal quality and beetroot red faces, or the "fart in English" bit but I was laughing harder than I've ever laughed at Wrong Planet.