How can I not let this bring me down

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There was this girl who I met up with last night and I have not seen her for nearly a year (she's 29) 4 years ago we had a dance and held hands which was nice.

But when I saw her last night although she did greet me she seemed more interested in talking/flirting with other guys than me.

Is there any way I can not let this put me down because to be honest with you I feel crushed and devestated to the point where I could not sleep properly last night.

Four years is a long time.

I would try to just forget her, and move on to someone else.

That’s the only solution, really.

Sorry you lost sleep over this person.

What's your point when you say 4 years is a long time?

Four years is a long time.

How do you actually feel about this person?

I don't think you should try to not let it get you down. The real question is how big the down should be.

I think you should accept your feelings and go ahead and feel them.
You might want to try art or writing to express your feelings in a healthy way.
You posted here thad that was a good start. Talking to people you feel you can trust is another good and healthy way to express your down.
Sometimes I listen to music (there is actually a kind of music called "the blues" which is all about feeling the "down" or "blue" feelings).

For me the biggest trouble with the situation you described would be to react to a real and present situation but have it also trigger past experiences and pain. I can also get into "all or nothing thinking".

It is ok to say "this happened and I feel down" or "this happened and I feel lonely" - what can happen to me is that I might say "this happened - it was bad - bad things have happened to me before - nothing good ever happens to me".

That is when I get into "all or nothing" thinking. The reality is that good things happen and bad things happen.
If the "down" is the right size for the situation then you are entitled to your "down" feelings. If the "down" gets into "all or nothing" thinking then you should reach out. If this down gets tied up with all your other downs and seems to just keep getting bigger then it is probably not the "right size". For me the key is to "right size" my downs.

I have feelings for her

She doesn't have feelings for you.

She was interested in other guys, not you.

You have no real choice but to accept and respect that and not bother her with any romantic intentions. If you see her, be polite and say hi but don't be a creep and don't expect her to flirt with you. She's not interested and you can't change that.

But she flirted with me 4 years ago. I don't get why her feelings for me would fade back in 2019 someone even told me that she liked me.

Last edited by Jamesy on 30 Oct 2022, 10:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You've had feelings for her for four years but you didn't contact her?
Four years is a very long time to ignore someone.
If someone hadn't contacted me in four years I'd move on too.
Probably even four months.

I don't appreciate being called a creep either

Unless you're her you're in no position to speak for her.

As for the choices, they're OP's to make.

Unless when she flirted with me all those years ago she had on her 'beer goggles'

She certainly could have been drunk.

And Goldfish didn’t call you a creep.

I once had a situation where a woman was all over me while drunk—but changed her mind once she was sober.

Why does being drunk have that effect?

It's just one of the effects of the drug, alcohol.

Other drugs can have this effect but MUCH MORE amplified. Like MDMA.. you could see someone on it and be INFATUATED with them.. then see them sober and it's like "Meh, I'm not that into you.. G damn I was high when I first saw you.. it must have been the drugs that made me so attracted to you that night for sure.. drugs and alcohol.

But yeah, these are just the effects these drugs have on us and are commonly experienced by most users.

I only drink Friday and Saturday but when I do start drinking its hard for me to stop