Need help hiding severe depression

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I am having yet another very bad depression, and I need to keep it secret from people around me for certain reasons which I am not prepaired to discuss, I am asking for some advice on the best ways to hide it, we are talking big time depressed here, lying about all day in floods of tears, just wanting to be on my own in the dark with my ipod stuck in my ears listening to my music, which is my only releif at the moment, I live with someone but I am not intending to let them know about this for certain reasons that are personal to me. I am trying to keep up a happy front, even though I have a constant pain behind my eyes all the time from wanting to cry, I am extremly sad. Does anyone know any good ways to keep this facade going even when the line is so thin I have to keep "going to the toilet" when we are out because I have to cry, even my mum thought I had some kind of "toilet problem" one day I was with her lol, because I had to keep going to hide there so she would not see me cry. It's a hard thing to hide and my defences are failing me fast.

Please don't judge me or tell me to "get help" as I tried this and got sent to a psychologist who knew NOTHING about AS and blamed my boyfriend for my state! There is no support for adults with ASD's here in England, it's like as soon as you turn 18 your AS goes away, your not a learning disability nor a mental health case, so there is no "funding" avalable for specialist support from organisations like the NAS because nobody will refer you and pay for it i,e doctors and social services because you don't fit any criteria. I am also terrified of being diagnosed with something else that I don't have as I know this happens to AS people all the time when they ask for help.

I just want some good ideas on how to keep my mental state hidden, thats all.

I cried for a year once. I told people at work I had terrible allergies. I told other people who knew I didn't have allergies that I had a terrible cold. Fortunately I could stay away from people in general, and at the time I had an office with a door and could keep it closed when I needed to and just cry and work. Oh yeah, dark glasses helped too, when I had to walk around. If they're not too dark you can get away with wearing them indoors.

I kept it hidden because I really didn't want to discuss the underlying cause with anyone... it was nothing anyone could help me with. But there were a few people I could burst into tears in front of who would kind of understand (thank goodness, they weren't huggers). Do you have anyone you can cry openly in front of? If not now, is there anyone (maybe your mom) who would understand "I'm a bit weepy today, please don't mind me?"

When I was in that stage years ago, this song seemed to help me some.
Sorry I can't figure out how to make it post the video, but ther's the link:

John Prine "Illegial Smile"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMzTVAKtD18

If you want to seriously keep your depression "hidden," then you need to force yourself to engage in activities that keep yourself
"busy" and do not draw attention to yourself. Go to the local library and get some books that interest you which will keep your
mind occupied, continue to listen to music on your ipod, and take up some kind of craft project...even guys like to learn knitting,
crocheting, jewelry making, etc...

I admit psychologists and other mental health professionals seem only interested in their paycheck and never seem to do any real good for those individuals in need...that's why it is important to rely only on one's self unless it becomes impossible. If necessary, try to find someone who can offer real help and guidance...prehaps, a local minister or other member of the clergy
might be more helpful in times of severe need.

This is something I must hide 24/7 most days, it is wearing me out physicaly too, so I often just do not have any energy to do anything much apart from stay in bed, and that gets questions asked about why I am doing that. Some days it gets so bad that my skin looks "grey" and I am virtualy draging my body around, it's pretty serious stuff and is almost too hard to cover up anymore.

If things are as bad as you say...then, you had better get yourself on some anti-depressant medication. The national news media recently said that anti-depressant medication may not be of much help to most people... except in severe cases. Apparently, you are becoming too severely depressed at this time and had better act quickly in getting on some anti-depressant medication before you spiral too far downward and become suicidal. Do you really want to be hospitalized?

What "good" can come from hiding your severe depression? Get some help...

I have been on that before, it made me go CRAZY and that is an understatement, meds of most types have extreme and often quite bizzare side effects on me, it simply is not worth the risk, and besides, people I don't want to know about this would find out because the reaction I have to meds would cause me to lose control of my behavours, as they did before, so instead of just crying I sat and SCREAMED, it's a wander I was not locked up then, from the bad reaction I had, you try and get any pill pushing doctor to take that seriously, all they want to do is sell drugs and reach prescribing targets, they do not have time to take anyone seriously. I could not afford to take regular medication ether as the prescription charge is so high and I had one of my main disability benefits slashed because my abusive care placement I used to live in filled in a review form very badly, so before you try and scare me with the threat of hospital, please get the facts of the situation and realise that not everything can be "cured" with medication.

I must be honest, it is quite difficult to assess your situation if there is at least no generalization with it. It's always easier to root out problems when you grab them from the foundation itself and tackle it, no matter how big it is. I have tried on more than one occasion to keep my depression bottled in, and it led to me taking 40 tablets of Advil in a suicide attempt. If you bottle it up, it will only amplify to the point of insanity and rend away everything that allows you to function daily. Again, I can't provide concrete detail since I don't know your exclusive problem, but depression doesn't leave... you have to take action for it to simmer down and for you to recover. I know, that even though you are in a miserable and sorrowful state, you would long for a chance to enjoy the notion of happiness again... that is human nature, after all.

So, in short, my solution is take the risk and tackle the cause of the depression. It took me years to muster up the courage to do it and to analyze the best way of taking action. But, once you do, your life will become exponentially better and potential sacrifices you must make will become scars over time. Not doing so will lead to you sinking into a deeper state of misery and cause eventual suicide attempts... at least in my case. I sincerely hope you find the answer you are looking for and wish you luck with your problems.

I'm sorry you had to go through that I don't think now is the time for me to do anything apart from what I am trying to do, and thats keep it a secret and struggle through each day as best I can, my bf works, so when he's at work I can drop the facade for a few hours every 4 days, he works 4 days on 4 days off kinda thing, so I can crawl into bed and cry for hours without it effecting him at leased. Really though my only option at the time is to hide it. As I mentioned before I have been refused all support based on my IQ level, I'm "too smart" for support for my AS and all it's problems, so I just want to say I have tried to get help and was refused it.

[youtube]http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=rL_CO03VdoQ[/youtube]

You need some kind of outlet for your depression. I understand that you need to hold it in during social situations and this becomes a ever-tiring job. It sounds like you organize an alone time for your depression but it still spills into social situations. There's only so much your soul can take before you eventually shut down completely. I know you don't want to hear it, but honesty seems to be the only outlet for that kind of depression because that depression's not gonna leave you alone. The very people you're hiding this from need to know that you're struggling with something personal but that you're working through it.

If you absolutely must not confess, then I suggest being your own psychiatrist and do heavy research on depression. Preferably not self-help books because those are like band-aids over a gaping wound, instead try researching serious or scientific stuff on depression. Enough knowledge can help you detach and have control over what follows you around with its uncontrollable consequences. But even if this would work, it would be a temporary solution as it's rather difficult to "outhink" one's depression for a long period of time.

I still hope the honesty route is something valid for you. Whatever facade you conjure up to hide depression, like an overwhelmed dam, it will have its cracks. Life should not be about being perpetually paranoid about cracks in one's facade.

Hiding depression is a struggle. Being honest is also a struggle. But at least honesty is a struggle towards understanding and long-term crisis resolution. Good luck.

Trust me if they find out I'll have about 10.000 other reasons to be depressed.

Hide it under perpetual hatred. The only way I deal with my life is lashing out rather than turning my bad feelings inward on myself.

I agree with Drakeman and aguales.

"Getting help" doesn't necessarily mean take medication. Again, we don't know your circumstance or why you feel the need to hide your depression, but I can tell you from experience that it's no way to live.

If you had a cold, would you try to hide it from everyone? Of course not, there's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. I try to treat my mental health the same way. There is a social stigma about mental illness, but there shouldn't be.

Surely there's somebody in your life you can tell and they can support you? Hiding and shutting yourself off may seem like the best course, but it can often cause more pain by isolating you from others who care. As somebody once told me, you may be coping with the problem, but you're not solving it.

You've told us and we don't blame you.

Right now there is nobody, nobody I would expect to put up with it and nobody who would take it very well.

Don't completely trust your own thoughts. We depressives have a way of talking ourselves out of solutions.

It's actually a part of the depression (not intentional) but being aware of the tendency and trying to refrain from it can allow us to remain open to solutions.