Rants

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AND I hate myself for saying to my bf, "I'm not trying to ostracize him - he's just overwhelming at times." in regard to someone I could swear is AS.

I suck.

Dear Morgan,

What the heck? You text me asking what I am doing and implying that my laptop is somehow broken and won't turn on. I ask you if you would like me to come over and fix it. You say "but ryans here" [your new boyfriend]. Why did you text me, implying you want me to fix it yet you don't want me to do it when he's there? Why text me right now then? I can't put my life on hold forever.

I should have known though. Of course he's going to be there. You two had such an "amazing" time last night, he's going to want to spend all his time with you. He's got a better car, he has a job, he is more attractive to you. I hope that he gets his heart broken just like you broke mine. If you're his first girlfriend and he's 18, clearly you feel the need to improve him, however with your BPD you'll probably scar him for life.

I still love you more than I love anyone in the whole world, and I care about you a lot. I just don't want you getting hurt, but if you're going to be dating, then I will too.

I guess I'm just kind of depressed right now. I have every reason to believe that my ex-girlfriend has walked out on the faith. She was my best friend for years upon years. I just don't understand what happened and why I can't do anything. Please excuse me while I throw up.

The super bright flood light style LED street lights there putting in in my area, they are the astronomers worst nightmare (I'm an amateur astronomer). There's nothing like bright light flooding into your bedroom, why are councils so obsessed with turning night into day? does it not occur to them that any light that heads upwards into the sky is a complete waste of energy i.e. money?

All the people who've talked to me like I'm stupid, made sarcastic comments that I'd take literally, tried to dehumanise me with constant taunting, ignored my pleas to be treated with dignity or left alone in peace...f*** you!

I have people who love me. Who really, really love me for who I really, really am. Those people are fairly numerous. Some of you probably don't have anyone who loves you. If karma exists, I'm fairly rich and you've got a massive overdraft and several crippling loans with the karma bailiffs coming for your peace of mind.

It seems like more and more there are threads placed on the WP that try to evoke arguments and/or anxiety and stress. I just surveyed the general autism discussion and the members only areas and found approximately 25% of the thread topics on page 1 of these areas (about 40 threads) evoked this. Some of these seem to invite argument and are rooted in people's personal beliefs. Then, if a person stands behind their belief in these areas, they are blasted at by other members. Many of these threads appear to me to be for the sake of trolling and causing disruption among us.

I believe the WP was set up as a support site and a place for us with autism to learn from each other. I just hate to see the increasing trend in threads that appear to want invite argument and/or hurt feelings. Anyway, that is my rant for tonight.

Fun times...

Ever since I moved back home to my parents house in June, my mother likes to spend her Saturdays off from work with me. Some mother-son BS which usually ends up with me driving her to some mall somewhere in the area, her spending anywhere from 2-4 hours shopping and me bored out of my mind for at least 75% of the time.

For this weekends edition: I wanted to go to a town in particular about 1 hr 20 min away. The mall there is across the street from a card room, so I would drop her off at the mall then play cards for a few hours. The same town also has two CD/DVD stores and a Best Buy, so I have stuff to browse for.

But now I got dropped entirely from the plan. One of my mom's coworkers told her about a place 20 miles to the west, so now she wants to go there instead... because she values her coworkers thoughts more highly than my own. And instead of me, my father now is going and I get left home. Why? Because I have an assignment for my part time job on Saturday morning, and waiting around until after lunchtime is "too late" to go there.

Is this b***h f*****g kidding me? I swear nothing I do (or want to do) matters to her.

Update: This morning I woke up to be hearing my mother going off on my father for never wanting to do anything, and at least there's me to actually do things she wants to do. Such as driving her to malls or taking her to museums. Not that I particularly enjoy doing some of that stuff, but at least it gets me out of the house and away somewhere for a day.

Somewhat appreciated!

Rant part: I think she still wants to do whatever the hell she wants, compared to what I want to do. Grrrrrr.

I'm trying to do my freaking end of course assignment, and being distracted by my excessively high sex drive.

Please don't laugh.

Note to my adrenal glands: please stop firing ungodly amounts of testosterone around. Or whatever chemical is making me hypersexual and ragey. It's really really not helpful.

the temperature i am happy with is 19.7 degrees C.
the farther the temperature excurs from that median, the more disgruntled i get.

at this point of the year, according to meteorological records, the average temperature should be 19.7 degrees, and it is 20.9 degrees without electrical assistance.

i just do not know when the day will come when i neither have to have a heater or a cooler on!!.

there are only a very few days in the yearly cycle where i do not have to deploy my air conditioner to either raise or lower the temperature.

i like the whirring sound of my air conditioner (even though it costs $1.13 per hour ($27.12 per day ($2440.80 per quarter))) , but i look forward to the few days that i do not have to have it on during the year.

it seems uncharacteristically silent and peaceful without the sound of the air distribution fans on during those times, but this year i have not had a day that is exactly 19.7 degrees, and so i am thinking about suing the department of meteorology for recompense as to my electricity bill.

the bastards have jumped from 18.6 C yesterday to 20.9C today, and i am not happy at all.

I get tired of how people can take something you say and twist it around into something you didn't even mean.