Why do people on this forum always side with women?

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I'm sorry but that's BS. If you have time for a girlfriend, you have time for friends in place of a girlfriend. Companionship of good friends can be just as rewarding as romantic relationships. I know this because there have been periods of time in my life when I had a romantic relationship but not good friends, and times when I've had a good friend but no romantic relationships. I think devaluing friendship and what it can contribute to a person's life is one of the big problems with a lot of lonely aspies around here. I have been single for a long time now (years--I won't say how many because it's kind of embarrassing how long it's been), but I have a good friend that I've known for years with which I share pretty much everything in my life. A good friendship like that, where each of you chooses every day to be a part of each other's life just because we appreciate who the other person is and trust them completely and not because we feel obligated or want anything from each other other than companionship and understanding, is a precious thing in life and if you find it it's very hard to feel lonely with it.

So many people around here talk about friendships as if they serve no purpose or hold no inherent value. I feel very sorry for anyone who feels that way, because you really don't understand what you're missing out on unnecessarily because you can't see the value that's there. It's a terrible shame that either you've never had the chance to learn what the value of good friendship can truly be or you just never cared to learn.

So don't try then? What else do you want me to say? Every suggestion is met with negativity. Why ask for advice, why try to talk to anyone if you just want to shoot every idea down that is offered to you?

It seems like no matter what anyone has to say, all you lonely guys have an excuse or reason it won't work even though it seems to work just fine for many other people. It just creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think some of you are more addicted to your self-pity than you might like to admit. Perhaps if you could give it up you might find both friendships and romantic relationships easier to establish. I get that depression and loneliness are real things (I have suffered from chronic clinical depression in the past, and I have known loneliness)--but if you give in to them then it will never get better, only worse. You have to be willing to do what you can to fight back the negativity and the vacuum of self-pity. I remember what it was like to be severely depressed, and it is in a way like an addiction--you get so accustomed to being miserable that it begins to feel normal, and then eventually to NEED it because it's so familiar and you feel like you don't know any other way to be anymore. It doesn't have to be that way, though. It's possible to fight your way back from that, and I as well as others here who have known depression are proof of that.

Or you could just ignore everything I just said and explain to yourself how nothing will ever work and it will never get better. Whatever. It's your life, do what you want with it. Be depressed, stew in your own self-pity if that does it for you. Just don't expect other people to want to stand around and watch you throw your life away because it's too hard to try basically anything anyone suggests. It's a seriously boring conversation to have over and over again.

Don't be a f*****g ass to people in the Haven. If it's ever directed towards me I don't lay down and tolerate it. You don't sound like you even know what depression is. It isn't the same as low self-esteem or negativity. It literally saps your energy and makes it impossible to enjoy activities. You can't think your way out of it. It is physical. To indicate it is something I choose is beyond offensive. I'd smack someone in the face for implying it as I'd smack them for implying cancer is something someone chooses. That's how much it pisses me the f**k off.

I have been taking medication for depression for years. How dare you say I know nothing it--YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME OR WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH. I have spent weeks in my room, unable to feed myself or wash or do anythign but cry and hate myself and my life and wish for death. But yeah, I know nothing about depression. f**k YOU.

For what it's worth, i don't think this comes from not knowing depression, but from the exact opposite. Having been through that time and again means you can spot it in another a mile away, and can also see when they're so stuck in it they can't even tell its going on. And from which comes the feelings and attempt to communicate that for a few, they have tried Everything and even ect won't help, but for some, especially those who haven't exhausted resources, it doesn't Have to be like this and sometimes choices are being made that only perpetuate the cycle.

Sure. Get mad at me when you started it by being abusive to Sly. Check yourself or f**k off b***h.

I too dealt with severe depression during my younger days. But I was mostly concerned with existential issues, such as my ultimate mortality and knowing that I would eventually grow old and die. I still kind of drive myself within the framework of knowing that merely living on is in essence, a vehicle that merely delays the inevitable.

I think I am feeling better though.

What are you depressed about, may I ask?

I too dealt with severe depression during my younger days. But I was mostly concerned with existential issues, such as my ultimate mortality and knowing that I would eventually grow old and die. I still kind of drive myself within the framework of knowing that merely living on is in essence, a vehicle that merely delays the inevitable.

I think I am feeling better though.

What are you depressed about, may I ask?

For what it's worth, i don't think this comes from not knowing depression, but from the exact opposite. Having been through that time and again means you can spot it in another a mile away, and can also see when they're so stuck in it they can't even tell its going on. And from which comes the feelings and attempt to communicate that for a few, they have tried Everything and even ect won't help, but for some, especially those who haven't exhausted resources, it doesn't Have to be like this and sometimes choices are being made that only perpetuate the cycle.

No. If you had depression you would know that verbal abuse will not make you "snap out of it". It will only make a depressed person extremely angry. Also, if your depression was all about thinking then it isn't the same as my depression. Everything can be going fine in my life and I still feel depressed. Maybe we use the same words for different phenomenon. Just because you've "had it" doesn't give you permission to assume what works for you automatically works for everyone. From my experience most people don't even know what it is that helps. Sometimes depression can just go away mysteriously. It isn't that "positive thinking" makes the depression go away, but that the depression going away makes it possible to "think positive" again. Just because you've recovered doesn't mean you have the wisdom to truly understand how to help anyone. It just doesn't. It especially doesn't help to be abusive as Wilburforce was to Sly. That's what I was reacting to. I don't know why people are even allowed to be abusive in the haven.

I guess I was hospitalised (twice) for no reason then, because I wasn't actually depressed and suicidal. Thanks for clearing that up for me. Could you tell my psychiatrist that I don't need treatment or medication anymore then, since I don't have depression and his diagnosis was apparently wrong? Good thing you know better than anyone else what depression is like to set us all straight.

It wasn't just "positive thinking" that helped to treat my depression: it was medication, and a change in diet, and a change in lifestyle (exercising more and eating better), and years of talk therapy, and a change in my own attitude (which used to suck and be very negative and self-defeating). All of this stuff took tremendous effort and years of work on my part--it was not easy. BUT IT WORKED. So once again, f**k you for thinking you somehow know better than anyone else what depression is and can tell people their experiences are irrelevant.

Do you have a certain career? Often we can anchor our lives onto a certain distant life goals in which the energy to continue our lives is sustained.