I don't want to be a narcissist

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People don't seem to realize there are 8 billion people in the world so to think a post is about you, what makes you think you are that only person that exists when there are many others out there who are like that too? They could be talking about anyone like someone they know, people in general. This is one of my pet peeves about users online. Think everything is about them so they act like they are being attacked personally.

But yet if you do decide to make a public thread about it so you publicly name them so they wouldn't think your post is a veiled post on them, it is still seen as bullying for publicly naming them so darn if you do, darn if you don't. Better to not name names and just be general and let the other person think it's about them and make it be about them acting like they are the only ones that exist when there are many others out there that think like them too or have the same behaviors as them.

I used to have an online friend who seemed to follow my posts one very website and then call me just to whine about what I wrote because everything was about him and he is no longer my friend because he was so exhausting I just stopped simply answering the phone when I saw he was calling because I knew it was him going to be whining about what I just wrote online when I didn't even talk about him. Could never see things from a different perspective nor mine so I stopped being his friend. These people exhaust me. They are never concerned about how they affect others and how they make people feel, it's all about them and how they feel. Even my ex was like that too and he is also my ex and I see him as a narcissist as well because he was so controlling I had to sneak behind his back to talk to my family. I am sorry but you do not have a righty to relationship privacy when you are mentally and emotionally abusive and controlling. My ex had to control what others thought of him than working on himself and trying to change how he feels and treats others and how he makes others feel. It was me me me, poor me. I know there are many Jerrys out there so it's impossible to write a post online about your experience and how you feel without someone feeling like you are talking about them.

Yeah

I do empathise with the feeling of thinking that a thread is aimed at you. While it's not healthy to think everything is aimed at you, it can happen when a thread is related to a recent argument you have had with the OP on the forum. Some members have known to actually do this.

Yes, the mentioning no names can make an OP get away with bitching about a member in particular, and it gets people guessing.
We had a man at work who kept bitching about another co-worker on Facebook, without using any names. But the co-worker still reported him to management, and the guy used the oldest excuse in the book, "it wasn't about him, I never used his name". But whether it was about him or not I understood the co-worker being suspicious, as it's against the rules of the company to talk about people at work on social media even if there are no names mentioned.
Like back in 2020 he put on Facebook "I would never drive around in my car with covid", right after seeing the co-worker who had been tested positive with covid driving past his house.
It could be about anybody or even just his personal opinion unrelated to any recent situations in particular but it was still understandable to be suspicious that such a comment was aimed at him. And it was aimed at him because he didn't like him and was dealing with it by acting passive aggressively on social media.

You may have missed my post: viewtopic.php?t=413399&start=128#p9287348



So, you are saying that mind games NEVER happen on a website?
Surely, not.
Friends don't usually slag each other off covertly in forums, but those who have a grudge against you might.
Such is life.

Self-evident, especially when the other person uses what is said in private conversations.

Sometimes people gossip about unsavoury interactions they've had with others because they need to decompress and wish to seek reassurance.

Often, if one's behaviour towards others is unsavoury, it will eventually be called out. If it's called out anonymously, one should be grateful that their past misdeeds are only being discussed anonymously because it's not defamatory to call someone out for actions they've actually engaged in, especially not when receipts can be provided.

He had insecurity issues and often held grudges in life. I could be talking about creeps online and he would be calling me because how dare I comment how a man was creepy in an article because of how inappropriate he was acting towards children and somehow my friend would think this was about him all because one user called him a pedophile in the chat room. I got sick of it so I stopped answering my phone from his number. One time I was talking about ABDLs acting inappropriate in public and he made it be about him and he wasn't even an abdl. I mean for f**k sakes, can I post peacefully online without someone whining to me about what I posted acting like I attacked them indirectly. I just stop talking to these people now and I block them and move on.

And if that person was so concerned it was about them, they can message the person privately apologizing for making them feel that way and it was not their intention. Problem solved. playing victim and acting like they were attacked gets them nowhere and they come off as a self absorbed narcissist because f**k your feelings right and how they treated you and made you feel. I just cancel these people. I finally set my boundaries and it says more about them. They don't care about me, it's all about them and their ego and they want to control how you feel.

Firstly, if you haven't noticed, this is The Haven.
Secondly, ppl do lie.

If they're controlling how you feel by making everything about them then that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about when someone genuinely feels worried or paranoid that you might be talking about them. If people are expressing guilt or anxiety by asking if it was because of something they had said that made me start a thread then it doesn't mean they're narcissists or making it about them.

Dunno where all this thread has gone in 10 pages, but personality disorders work in extremes. Like many disorders, you can have traits of a PD without actually have that PD.

I don't want to be an Aspie and have Aspergers. Unfortunately we don't get a say in what we have.

Indeed, regardless of the underlying explanation, that's the appearance to others.

That's also (to some extent) the problem with aggressively applying medical terminology to behaviours we don't like. The fact that someone's behaviour appears narcissistic from our perspective doesn't mean that person is a narcissist and certainly doesn't mean that they'd qualify for a NPD diagnosis.

Most features of personality disorders show up in several PDs, not just one. Further, like colliegrace pointed out, one can have traits associated with a PD without actually meeting the diagnostic criteria. They're mostly normal traits exaggerated to the point of being problematic.

From what I've observed quite often when two people storm off from an interaction insisting the other is a narcissist neither is, but both have some traits and each triggers each other's traits. I try to bear that in mind whether it's people accusing others or dealing with accusations against myself.

Especially when their dirty laundry is revealed.

But the thing is, if someone is inventing an interaction entirely, it won't hit so close to home that it feels like a subliminal dig.

Subliminals (as they're known in hip-hop) only work when the person it's about knows it's true and that the details are accurate enough that people close to the situation will know what it's directly referencing.

It's hard to insist someone's lying when they've got screenshots of interactions though. In those instances one should probably just be thankful they were called out by actions only and not by name. In those instances, calling the person with the screenshots a liar is defamatory, while them referring to the interactions is not. That's what I meant by receipts - concrete evidence supporting their claims.

So yes, people lie, especially when their ego/reputation is threatened by open discussion of their misdeeds.

Great answer.

Yes, there's normally an element of guilt and shame from the person complaining, and that's why they're triggered by having their behaviour discussed. They'll say people are lying about them or being malicious, and they'll become defensive rather than accountable or contrite. Oftentimes the upset person actually starts the problem themselves, either by saying and doing hurtful things or having a victim mentality overall. It's counterproductive because it draws attention to them, instead of the ones they've been slandering. In that respect they want to be excused for their behaviour but they're comfortable having done those behaviours in the first place.

Always take screen shots, take video of your PMs or chat messages if you must so they cannot say you manipulated the images. I only blast things out in public if the other user lies when I mentioned it out in the open. I always take screen shots when someone wrongs me in case I need to blast it out in public if they lie. Your privacy stops being important when you harm others and lie about your actions and try to gaslight the situation.