Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Ana54
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14 Mar 2008, 6:24 am

Dear society,


please tell me how many of you are behaviorists. Or rather, how many of you with power are behaviorists. Off and on, I feel scared of and intimidated by behaviorists!



Ana54
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14 Mar 2008, 6:48 am

Dear Ana,


you are sucking everyone dry. You are sucking this world dry. You SHOULD feel guilty. And btw, you should also feel guilty for feeling guilty, because that's bad too. You should be ashamed of being ashamed of being ashamed, and depressed for being depressed for being depressed for being depressed. You should get down on your knees and kiss the gorudn and thank God for everything, you ungrateful little wretch. You should go to church more often! Then you wouldn't be infested with depression, which by way, is all nonsense and all in your head and doesn't exist.


You need to get it into your head that people don't care how you feel, only how you act and talk around them. They don't want or need to hear your crap. They are more important than you because they are positive and actually have things to DO in life, as opposed to sitting around bitching and complaining and moaning. Therefore, their opinions matter more than yours does. hey know what they're doing and they know what they're saying. Listen to them. You might actually learn something. They have a lot to teach you on proper conduct and repressing your feelings for the greater good and tthe benefit of mankind as opposed to just yourself.



Hugs and kisses,


your conscience.


PS: by the way, you had better listen to me, because I was a loving gift from your loving mother and your caring, concerned behaviorist society.



Ana54
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14 Mar 2008, 6:55 am

Dear conscience,


go somewhere private and and jerk off or something. Don't ever tell me to sit down, and don't ever tell me to shut up. Just a warning.


~your UNGRATEFUL host



Cheerlessleader
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14 Mar 2008, 7:11 am

Dear self,
For goodness sake, STOP anticipating cooler weather! When you first looked at the forecast for Adelaide next week, it said it was going to rain on Tuesday, and be below 30. Then the next time you looked, it wasn't going to rain on Tuesday, but it still would be below 30, and it would rain on Thursday. Now this time, it's not going to rain on Thursday either, and the forecast for Tuesday is 33! If you keep this up, next week will be just as hot as this week was! Stop reading the weather forecast altogether, and maybe this heatwave will end. And maybe plan a bonfire, that way it will surely rain (wait, that's not a good idea, what with the total fire ban.) You get the idea.
Yours sincerely, Me.


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Ana54
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14 Mar 2008, 8:31 am

Dear mother,

the way you thought I needed help, when I was in high school, was humiliating.

Love,

your daughter



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14 Mar 2008, 11:43 am

To the people at Cursor Mania.

You actually call this a truck?Image I find that very insulting. It's a bus!

Cockney


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Ana54
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14 Mar 2008, 12:57 pm

Dear members of WP,

I want to thank you for listening to me and I also want to thank the moderation team for not finding my posts inappropriate; I guess you've seen worse.


I want to thank everyone for not once calling me annoying, not once saying I should be banned or should talk to a shrink about it or that praying or looking at the sunset or hugging a stuffed bear or going window shopping or doing drugs or having a beer or anything ALONE would alleviate my depressive state. I think you really understand; you never said a thing that upset me or showed that you didn't understand or jumped to conclusions. I guess a lot of you are in the same boat as me. To the people I never PMed back after a few PMs, I will eventually; remind me if I don't.


Your friend/acquaintance/familiar name/annoying fellow poster,


Ana54



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15 Mar 2008, 5:46 pm

Dear dad,

I am not getting into Columbia or Vassar. They only sent me letters because I'm a good test-taker, and they don't know anything else about me. If they actually saw my grades, their eyeballs would bleed.

I quit the academic team. Those people were snobs.

Albert Einstein was a C student. Dr. Mengele got straight As. It says nothing about who you are, or even how smart you are.

I am not you. Don't try to give me what you never had. I don't want it! You grieve over never having a high-profile job or a young, nubile, obedient spouse or a seat of visible power. I want to be the chef-and-intellectual in residence at a convent or a manager of a weird museum or a librarian. I'm not you. Stop telling me how to achieve your dreams.

I have Asperger's. I will always be different. Stop pushing me to be "the same, but better" (i.e. be the golden girl with a million minions and a 4.5 GPA). The sooner you give that fantasy up, the happier both of us will be.

Love,
Your daughter


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Last edited by MissPickwickian on 18 Mar 2008, 7:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sarcastic_Name
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16 Mar 2008, 1:50 am

Dear sub-conscious,

Shut the f**k up, I'm trying to repress you.

Sincerely,
The Brain


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Cheerlessleader
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16 Mar 2008, 6:43 am

Dear weather,
Are you going to rain on Tuesday or not?
Make up your mind already (and it had better be yes!)
yours truely, me.


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16 Mar 2008, 1:55 pm

Dear A.*a,

Now you thought it was a good idea to drop in after spending a night partying, introducing yourself with 'I wanted to visit a friend but he wasn't there, so I thought I could drop in', spend more time with my computer for your fucktarded MSN (only a web-client but it still makes my PC appear filthy to me) than with me, try to reach the original friend on my phone, talk for hours (fortunately he called, otherwise, I would have cut the cable!), and make a stinky mess in my bathroom as well as lying about your grades (probably), making my hairbrush disappear and ignoring that I wanted to go to bed at that time. I DON'T! You also think it is a good idea to move into this dormitory. I DON'T THINK SON BECAUSE THEN YOU WOULD BE TOO f*****g NEAR! You thought you didn't hear the conversation on my phone? I heard both parts. I know what you did and you should not expect any respect from me - AT ALL.

~me


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Ana54
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16 Mar 2008, 2:24 pm

Dear shrinks,


why did you say I don't have ADD?


~Ana



Ana54
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16 Mar 2008, 5:04 pm

Dear bears,

I miss you so much. You're my children, my siblings and my friends. You never tell me off, misconstrue me, embarrass me, pass judgements on me, assume things about me, tell me off, tell me to grow up or pull up my socks or get a life or snap out of it or behave myself or "don't start that again". I miss burying my face in your sweet furry little heads and knowing you will always listen to me and that I don't even run the risk of getting negative feedback aka "Not now!" "Not again!" "Get over it!" "Will you ever let up?" "This is getting tiresome!" "I can't be with you 24/7!" "Take your pills and shut up! They aren't working? Well then you're hopeless, nothing can help you." Not that my friends ever did that to me, but I don't want to talk to them about being depressed because they might START saying those things. There's a first time for everything.

I'll always love my little bearsies.

~Mummy



Ana54
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16 Mar 2008, 11:25 pm

Dear Anastasia DeSousa,


I know you probably got depressed because you're human, but I envy you in a way. You were my secret role model when I started posting on WP when I was depressed and had only just started on Celexa. I tried to be like I imagined you were like even though I never met you. Happy, outgoing, friendly, full of life, all that. I had too many issues for it to last long. But I still want to be like you, or like everyone describes you and like I see in a lot of the pictures with you in them. Happy,outgoing, full of life, nonjudgemental, ambitious, modest and humble but loud and funny and always surrounded by friends. I identified with school shooters, and then I hear that you were the victim. And I wonder why Kimveer Gill chose you and how he could have hated you or wanted to kill you if all the stuff people said about you was true. I mean, they actually said nonjudgemental, and they never said that about any of the others who died in school shootings. Before I read that, however, your aunt told me that you always the first to run and stick up for the people who were being picked on. Part of me wants the life you have-- in school, guilt free, clear conscience, surrounded by friends, always going out and having fun and going on trips and partying and with a supportive extended family, having basically the perfect life.


Sincerely,


Another Ana, who might have been your friend


PS. I'm sorry I made your friends mad when I talked about Kimveer Gill on your memorial site. I really tried hard not to mean harm and yet I still did just by mentioning his name.



Ana54
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17 Mar 2008, 3:05 pm

Dear Starbuline,

I remember when I was reading your posts and I knew you were very depressed but I just couldn't get past the fact that you were treating people like s**t in posts, people I believed didn't deserve it. Now I'm there too, and I treat people like s**t in my posts, and what I'm trying to do is probably the same as what you were trying to do. Were you trying to just make it known how you felt about every single thing or how you felt about the person when they did or said something in particular?? Now I realize when you said "I can't stand her" or whatever, you didn't mean you couldn't stand the person, just what they were doing that you were talking about right then, and now I do it too, and it's the only way I could think of to get out everythingthat ever bothered me, and how I had felt about it at the time when it was happening.


You're so lucky to have friends who defended everything you said and did, including the "nasty" things, and now I have friends who do the same thing and I'm grateful for them and they're all I have and everything to me.


Another thing. I don't really get what Quatermass meant when he said "Speak nothing but good of the dead". Does he mean we have to wait till we're dead to have good spoken of us? That's a sh***y way to live. I think you would probably think so too. I know not a lot was said of you that was good when you were there to hear it (but you saw it all if you're reading this). But when some of us see all the nice stuff written about you, we tell each other, "I wouldn't get that much attention if I died. Nobody would care." And I think it's so wrobng it has to be like that. If you saw all that before you decided to string yourself up would you have still done it? Even SpaceCase said she wouldn't have.


Your friend/enemy,


Ana



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21 Mar 2008, 1:01 am

dear you...
i could really use your shoulder to cry on.
i made you a promise, and i know i will keep it.
it is the one thing that keeps me going.
maybe the only thing.
i am trying so hard to be strong, to make this all work.
to make it all go away, so that i can be happy.
i know you said it wouldn't be easy. but damn.
does it have to be this hard?
i didn't tell you what happened this week.
because i said the next time we talked it would be about good stuff...
not the bad stuff.
but i really do need to talk about it - it's killing me from the inside out.
i need it to stop...i don't know what to do...
i need my friend.

me


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