scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

Post Reply New Topic

Feel a little bad, not sure what number it is,
but i might have killed my dad

..and that probably requires a little more info
to sound less brutal - my dad and me had a
bad fight one day, i left and two days later
i got a call that he was laying dead in the
garden in front of the house, massive heart-
attack, dead before he hit the ground. I
saw something on tv about a parent that
got a heartattack because a kid did
something stupid and i cant help but
think...what if...what if i didnt fight
him, maybe he would still be living
its hard to not feel thats its my fault.
I was just a stupid kid and the fight
was over nothing, riddicolous details
but i was stupid This was in the
mid-1990`s so its nothing new, i just
cant seem to shake it off, it wont go
away, things i see and hear reminds
me of it too damn often. Things changed
badly back then, i remember he died
and then the next 2-3 years are just
a blur of loose bad images and black
holes

4

Doing okay. No more swelling and I made my official return to society today. By that I mean that I left the house for the first time since I had my surgery on Monday.

-1

My PS3 doesn't read any disc. I miss MGO

2, my legs have been aching like mad today

+5 I haven't been depressed for a few days now, and I'm startin' to wondwer what the hell is going on.

9.

got a full belly, and listening to good music.

if only i had some weed :'(

-10 everyone in the world hates my guts and wants me to die. I feel like crying. On another supposedly "supportive" board that I post on this one a**hole (I won't mention names) just joined the site and made one single post. The entire post was about me, attacking me and even my art. I'm always being attacked here, now I'm going to be attacked in other places? I hate the human world. they are no good. I am put on this Earth to suffer and slowly die. I am tired of being bullied, it brings back old memories of middle school. What the hell is wrong with everyone? I just want to die so I don't have to suffer anymore. I don't see any success, everything just blows up in my face.

3. Feeling ok but tired of fighting the same old battles. I am watching Premonition with Sandra Bullock. Apparently she is also an ENFP. But anyway irrelevant stuff aside, I am going to have to not visit the board for a while. I cant stop reading it, or other things on the internet. So it is for my own good.

(((((((((((((((everyone)))))))))))))) hope you all will be well in my absence.

0

Not really depressed, just kind of... I don't know. Maybe I am depressed. That sort of neutral kind.

-1, Not sad but bored.

-3. Sleep deprivation on top of sleep deprivation. All systems on standby. Cannot move.

+5 Although I seem to be the only one around right now, I don't mind. I'm used to it, and it's sort of peaceful. I'll hold down the fort until others arrive.

7/8, I'm in a stupidly fantastical mood today, I don't know what's come over me lol whatever it is I'm glad, I haven't been on this much of a high for ages (and no i'm not on drugs )

-99999999999999999999999999999 I hate myself and so does the world the proof is out there, so I want to die. Go ahead gov, go kill me! Or the aliens, take me to your war! I don't care if I fight for the good guys or bad guys anymore. The end result is death.

Around 0
Getting late, feeling tired and stupid. Doctor appointment
comming up, wish i had some company, just for the ride
to the docs place should go to bed soon, been sitting
up trying to write a mail but decided to drop it.