Depression

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I'm not sure about the legalities or the ethics involved, but I suppose if your psychologist thought you were a suicide risk, she had to tell someone who could keep an eye on you. I suppose she could also have had you admitted to hospital if she'd been urgently concerned about your safety. I'm not surprised that your mum is stressing over it, though- she worries about you because she LOVES you, Mosto, as you've pointed out.

I know you find it hard to imagine that things could get better, but most people with depression feel that way, and most ARE helped when they get the right medication and therapy. You need to keep fighting to get better, even if you do it for your mother's sake rather than your own.

I don't know whether limiting your interaction with people is such a good idea- the more isolated you get, the lonelier and more unhappy you're likely to be, I suspect. Are there any support groups in your part of Sydney either for people with depression or those with Asperger's? Maybe if you meet others who can relate to your situation better, you wouldn't have to worry so much about whether you're "annoying" people. What do you think? Jenny

My mum loves me. She also thinks my brother did nothing wrong. Sometimes love isn't enough. No wonder I want to die. I made another appointment with a different psychiatrist in September now. So a bit earlier. But still. I can't handle being at church any more. I messaged my brother if he realised he woke me up. He didn't reply, now I will see him at Bible study tonight. I want to smash his face in. But there will be others there too. He has done this repeatedly to me in the past. Only now he's a Christian and he still has no remorse! I want to bash the crap out of him and watch him slowly die. But no I just have to cop it. I am really surprised I haven't died yet.

Having read my last post I should also add: that my mum and brother always blame Aspergers for my "irrational" anger against them, people at church etc. Do other people with Aspergers experience this? That they clearly have been treated like crap repeatedly, and when they react with anger, they are repeatedly invalidated, by people saying things like "that's normal, you only feel this way because of Aspergers, he's done nothing wrong..." etc etc?

Hi, Mosto. I'm glad that you'll finally be seeing a psychiatrist soon. From the posts I've read here on WP, I get the impression that some people with Asperger's certainly feel that they are treated unfairly by others. I can't really make any judgment about your situation, but I would guess that your depression would make it even more difficult than usual to cope with other people's behaviour. I can understand why you would be angry with your brother for waking you up repeatedly (did he ring you very early in the morning?), but it is a concern that you feel angry enough to want to kill him.

I'm also concerned that you don't want to go to church anymore- I know it means a lot to you. Are you feeling unwelcome, or are you upset that your views aren't listened to, or what?

I'm glad you haven't died and I'm sure your family is very glad to have you still with them. Now that the appointment with the psychiatrist has been made, hopefully you're on the way to getting some effective treatment. Take care, won't you? Jenny

I am not so angry this morning. I talked to him last night. I said he has had opportunities to acknowledge but didn't, and things like he makes out like my Aspergers isn't "real" and that times when I am aggressive or emotional I am still putting it on, and Aspergers is just an excuse. He listened but never said he agreed. Anyway I'm not going to kill him. At church I just don't agree with a lot they say. But there is no better church I know of. Thanks for caring

Hi, Mosto. I'm glad that you were able to talk with your brother and that you're feeling less angry today. Does he doubt that you have Asperger's, or doesn't he think that Asperger's is a real condition, or what?

Are you "aggressive or emotional" because of your Asperger's or because of depression and stress? I don't have Asperger's myself, so I'm not sure whether people with AS are particularly emotional or aggressive.

I'm glad you're not going to kill your brother- that may perhaps have been a bit extreme.

As for your church, I don't know quite what to suggest. Is there someone from the church who you can talk to about your concerns? It seems a shame that you have to lose such an important spiritual and social outlet because of some differences of opinion- surely there's room for some diversity of views in ANY organisation?

Have a good weekend, Mosto, and take care. Jenny

In terms of Depression, in my case, I suppose I've often mis-read people thoughts and action as well have at various times sabotaged friendships for, I had felt that the individual in question was seemingly being mean towards me.Though, it more than likely was that due to being in a depressive state, one's perceptions can be easily twisted and I can see how things can go bad and all.. Honestly, I've been dealing with Depression over a course of 22yrs now and have had my ups and downs mostly from trying to find anti-depressants which, work well for me and all.Well, I hope alll people with Aspergers whom are dealing with Depression can realise that, it's not strange world as, many people on the spectrum deal with it in his/her own unique manner..

Well I will be banned from this web site soon if you want my email let me know in PM and you might see again

He's like most people, who, when explained the effects of Aspergers he says he agrees, but when something comes up like he wakes me up or whatever he totally makes out like any abnormal response from me is totally under my control and I can "choose" to react 100% like a NT person. It's just expedient for him to say that to absolve himself of everything. Because that's what he's likeYes, Aspergers prevents you from doing everyday things, interactions, which in turn makes all facets of life challenge, and the depression builds, and in my case, I have been forced to turn it on myselfThere are some friends I talk to online that really undertand and can sympathise. But I've never met them in person. I agree totally, there should "surely" be room for some legitimate difference of opinion even among Bible believing Christians who can all agree on the basics. But over the last 2-3 years since the previous pastor left it's gone off.
ProfessorX I agree depression does at times make you think worse of someone than at other times. That's why I always shut up don't say anything. But there are some things which you don't reconsider

Yes... often. Questioning why I am upset when no one else is, why things they consider trivial are essential to me. It hurts a lot, like being on the other side of a plate glass window from the rest of the world. But I realized at some point that I could either live a life defined by others, or start choosing for myself. How do you want to move forward?


M.

That's the thing - can you really "choose"? How do you "choose" to have your life not defined by others?? When you meet someone who has not heard of Aspergers before, and you say you have trouble forming relationships, keeping a job etc and they just tell you "well you cen CHOOSE to talk to that person a certain way, 'push yourself' through a day at work" etc, what can you say? What exactly have you been able to do to alleviate Aspergers by choice makuranososhi? YOU CAN'T. If you genuinely do not understand this fact of life, then I would suggest that you don't have Aspergers at all

Hi, Mosto. As you know, I don't have Asperger's myself, but I've noticed here on WP that people who DO have it seem to have a variety of different issues and attitudes.

I can certainly understand why you'd be angry and frustrated when you feel that people are ignorantly brushing aside your difficulties. However, not everyone with Asperger's may view things in the same way as you, and it may be unfair to suggest that someone doesn't have AS purely because they have a different outlook.

Remember, not everyone here has depression like you do, and people's age, family and work circumstances will vary as well.

How are you today, Mosto? You're sounding stressed. Jenny