scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-1

Feel hopeless but I know my thoughts are irrational.

2 I had to go to the hospital for my tooth pain, the dentist couldn't do anything about it, that's how severe it was. I had to have a CAT scan and it also showed I had cellulitis caused from the severe swelling and it was starting to go into my throat but luckily they put me on meds so it wouldn't have a chance to progress any further to you know, kill me. Now I have to have a root canal and another tooth is broken, the infected tooth is on one side of my mouth and the broken one is on the other, making eating a challenging thing to do (using your front teeth for chewing). At least I am still happy and get to go to Hollywood in less than a week and a half! By the way, I also tested positive for MRSA, I wonder if that is what got into my tooth because I had a toe infection not long back and that was infected with MRSA and I got it from my mom in the first place when she was in the hospital back in February. The doctor was an idiot at the hospital because he didn't want to prescribe me any more pain meds even though I am still in pain (yes, its less pain than before but I still need the pills to function! He was too concerned how it would affect the anti psychotic meds rather than being concerned about my pain levels. I have been off the anti psychotic meds for over a week and even though I still hallucinate, its no way as bad as everyone would think so I believe I don't need anti psychotics at all!)

+5 Tired, but good.

2


I've got attachment issues. I've been thinking about it here recently. I find that I'm pretty good at keeping it under wraps, but I also find that I'm easily disappointed when certain people don't always want to spend time with me.

I'll never let them know it, though.

I think it's because I've been so alienated for so long - so when people do befriend me, it's like I want to be with them every day. I'm not good at judging how much is too much. I try to control it, though. A friend of mine actually did my tarot card reading today, and I was shocked at how accurate it was... my current biggest issue is alienation..

^ Manders, that's just about exactly how I feel about people as well.


-5, Ugghh I can't believe how much everything just crashed and burned! My deadbeat (soon to be ex) husband was supposed to be leaving by this weekend. Just now he tells me he 'has nowhere to go' (aka nothing that he will consider because he doesnt want to) and he wants to stick around for an indetermined amount of time while he tries to get his friends to get jobs so they can move out together. And just when I was planning on how I was going to move on with my life, too. Talk about torture!! !


Plus, my boss just took me aside and said that a co-worker's mom isn't doing so well and the co-worker may have to leave unexpectedly or be out some days and I have to cover for her. Which is OK.. I just really could rather do without the stress of doing two jobs right now

^ Wow, and at this time too.

0

I think a part of me died last night when I had my meltdown. I had suicidal thoughts but I didn't want to die. After the worst of it was over, I didn't care about anything and still don't. But for now I'm more apathetic then anything. But on a positive note, it didn't stop me from demonstrating my ability as a leader. I know a lot of the credit goes to the ones working under me but I feel that with my leadership, we will make the deadline and have a top quality game to present on the 20th.

But that is really the only thing I care about anymore.....

^ tbh that's not the worst feeling in the world. Aaahhh the familiar numbness - my friend. It is a coping mechanism of mine as well.

I'm glad somebody can relate.


As for how I'm feeling right now... -.5 I couldn't decide between 0 and -1. I had a horrible morning, a horrible evening at work (yesterday's shift was bad too), and I'm rather frustrated about some things tonight.

-10..Wish I had something to alter what I'm feeling right now.

If only stuff like that didn't play games with my head.

2, I have been completely lonely for quite a long time now, not a single friend, either online or in real life. I hesitate to say i'm a 1 because I am not suicidal (nor will I ever be, no matter how bad it gets, as I am strongly opposed to suicide, I would rather suffer the pain of a million stab wounds then terminate my life).

If someone wants to help me stop being a 2, feel free to PM me lol, I could really use a friend (and its immeasurably incomprehensible why I don't/can't make any friends, as I am a kind, caring, down to earth guy)

^ You will make friends here if you stick around might just take some time because we all tend to be in our own little worlds


-4 - I am so stressed out. I have some problems at work that are just so effing stupid. Someone is doing something really dumb and I have to work to make it right and appease the customer. It's not my fault, though, so I shouldn't be so upset. I just feel like I can't handle anything right now. I want to go hide in a small dark place for a while and curl in a ball.

-1 probably, the day was going fine until the self defeating habits kicked in. (bugger)

-5 - I'm really upset right now, none of my friends 'have time for me' right now, my b-day party plans got wrecked and I actually stepped out of my comfort zone and tried to make new friends only to find out they were making fun of me behind my back and only my friend to make them look good. I then ended up pulling a muscle in my foot (and I have a dance exam tomorrow that I have to do!)

Now I wonder if I can trust anyone and therefore just want to stay in my room/house alone for a while

*hugs*

I hate that. That is the risk we take when stepping outside our comfort zone. I hope you can recovery from this. Stay in your room for a while when you're not in school if it will help you recover quicker.

1

Alright I guess, as good as I can be. I am however listening to music that makes me feel better.

Aww Lily....chin up. If I lived closer I would steal you away for ice cream and Emporers New Groove to celebrate your brithday and I would insist we wear party hats and take a picture.

Just get through tomorrow, get your exam over with, then grab your journal and get it all out of your system. It will pass. Promise.

I'm about +3. Not doing too bad. Tired, but feeling good.

well now my day got a bit better but then was neutralized out by a bit worse so we're back to -5

The better is that my little brother and I are going to see a movie tomorrow, the worse is somehow one of the girls who was mean to me got my cell number and texted me this whole blurb about how her life is so terrible and the girls MADE her be mean to me and how she still wants to be my friend but can I pretend not to be so that she can still be friends with the other girls (A.K.A 'It wasn't my fault, I'm going to pretend to fix the problem so that I don't look bad')