scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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2

I think I may have found a root of my depression but I have no idea how to fix it.

4/5, boooored

~7

Had a mood swing earlier tonight that I was able to catch early enough and deal with without triggering an episode of depression...

+3 My brain feels overloaded and I don't feel like talking to anyone today. I'm craving my bed and a book and to close the door to the world for a day. Instead, I'll be taking care of the kids and cleaning the house. Just 11 more hours until it's quiet.

-2. Day started out fine, then I got bullied. I don't understand why. At one point I lost speech and it made things worse. I used some aggression to see them off.

+3

It appears that my friend has unblocked me from IM.

-9

I'm not sure if I can ever be truly happy again. I have people in my life that are happy but while a part of me is happy for them, another part is insanely jealous. Why must I be left out? I know that is pretty selfish of me, I should be happy for those people without being jealous. I also kind of feel like they are rubbing their happiness in my face but I know that is probably not the case. I don't know how to deal with this in a positive way.

-4

"Details Lienda! Details!" YEah they don't mean it personal, but when I feel like #$^ I already have my entire family to tell it to who would rather invalidate how I feel than grasp or listen. I need to rant not get more "ok can you try to explain it clearer? I don't hear or get you." EVERY TIME!

-10 fagged out

+4 Got some bad news today, but I don't think it sunk in because I'm still feelin' pretty decent. Hmm....lets just hope it doesn't sink in.

-5 the ONLY thing I am happy about is my trip tomorrow but on the other board every single time I post, its immediately deleted by the jerks that want me to die. At least other people are trying to show support but when they do, even those threads gets locked because it is the support of ME, if it were anyone else it would be fine. If my life doesn't improve after the trip (and especially if my pictures don't sell) I will think of killing myself again. I just can't deal with all this pain. Everything in my life is going wrong. My business is one massive failure, at one point I truly thought it was going to succeed but boy was I wrong and I don't want to hear any of that "oh the economy is bad" bullcrap. Its my stuff isn't good enough. The ONLY reason why I got into all these art shows is because of my contact and nothing more. Without her, I would be nothing.

4

Not a bad day, got my braces tightened. The only thing is that I think I should have picked a different color to go on my brackets. Yellow just doesn't look right but I wanted to go with a Spring/Easter color. Maybe I should have picked green.....

+4

I found out yesterday that financial aid may cover my entire semester--without student loans.

That's good, because I found out Monday that I didn't get a scholarships.

4, meh

0 tired and sick

2. I think I really need to make a huge effort to not watch TV. It mesmerises and overloads me. I need some hobbies....