scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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^Hope you're ok, you're usually the only cheerful one here.

Anyway, still up and fidgeting around. Anymore it seems I type too much here whenever I'm nervous or don't want to deal with anything /:

Might be a good thing on the otherhand...

Sorry to read this Daniel. I know that some days are a lot worse than others. And I know how equal canine company can be to human company....

Well it is better post a bit if needed... it is a good outlet. That is how I feel anyway. Some days I can be on here a lot, others I only poke around the board once or twice.

0

Meh, disappointed but don't know why. It's nothing new.

Don't care about anything right now.

-8.5
I wish I hadn't been born. I wish I'd actually finally reach breaking point instead of always only just coping. I wish I had the courage to stick my knife through the arteries in my neck. I wish that I didn't have enough insight to see what's wrong with my brain; it's worthless as I'll never be able to fix myself. I wish that my head didn't get like this at this time of the morning when there's nothing to distract me. I wish I could sleep (not that sleeping would do much good now; in an hour or so my father will be in the next room slamming doors and talking "to himself" about how he's sick of raising children and how I've ruined his life (not in so many words, but yeah...) and I wish that I could move away from here and get away from my father, but I'm never going to be able to afford do that because I suck at life. I wish that my mother didn't love him; not wanting to hurt her is the only reason I don't kill him and get him out of my life. I wish that my interests and ability didn't lie in a field where it's nearly impossible to support oneself without working with people; because working with people is just too difficult; my ability in said field isn't enough to override this; I thought it was, but it isn't.
Wishes are useless; hope is worthless.
It's dark now. I'm still going to be alive when it gets light, only because there's a handful of people who I care enough about to not want to hurt by killing myself. (I wish I was just a little more selfish...)
(And I've run out of things to say, but I'm still typing because I'm afraid to stop typing and get off the computer and go to bed.)

^
Hang in there. Sometimes things become overwhelming, but don't give up.

+1. Ok sort of day, but I'm still a little tentative about going to bed. My sleep is still not very restful.

Who am I, I think you need to find more like-minded people. Have you ever joined an aspie group?


As for me, 3. Quiet here, and very grey and cloudy. Trying to figure out what to do with today. I know I have to go to the bank and pay my credit card off.

6

Lost something which has ruined my plans for like a week.

I was perfectly content earlier too. >.<

-2.

bored. as usual.

3 days off work is just too many

Feeling comfortably flat. Recently I've been ecstatic (a ten) which would normally lead to a crash (minus ten) but fortunately I'm nice and numb.

It's silly... when I get very enthusiastic or happy about something, there's always an underlying terror, usually quite well repressed, because I know the feeling won't last.

But right now, numb. (I don't take any medication.)

Thank you.




No, I haven't. All the groups that I know of around where I live require an official diagnosis to join, and I can't afford to get diagnosed, and even if I could, the whole process of obtaining a referral and actually going to get diagnosed is too overwhelming for my brain to handle at the moment.

Fascists! Anyone should be allowed to join an aspie group regardless of whether they have a "official certificate."

I dont really want to do all those tests either, and I can think of so many great things to do with $500 other than get assessed... Id like a new Sony Ericsson cellphone for example.

I don't know... I don't really see it as a bad thing for the groups to want to have some official proof that people joining really do have AS.
I have a Christmas fund which I can only access at the end of the year; I could probably use some of that to get diagnosed, after I buy what I was planning to buy with it (a chalumeau, which is the forerunner of the clarinet, which is my main instrument). That won't make it any less overwhelming, though.

0 meh.. pneumonia... meh... just meh...

^Get well soon.




I'm a +3 today, which isn't real bad. Been in one of those moods where I just feel like wallowing in my own introversion. I need to snap out of it.

Each to their own. I dont feel the need to get an assessment at the moment. I have been to 3 different Aspergers/Autism counsellors though, who specialise in ASD clients and all 3 said that I showed many AS traits and was very likely to be somewhere on the spectrum. So thats good enough for me.