scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

Post Reply New Topic

+3 meh

_________________
check out my website at {redacted by admin - domain taken over and points to a porn site}

When in doubt, ask an autistic. Chances are, they're obsessed with what you need to know.

Autism Speaks will NEVER speak for me

CLASSIC AUTISM

You know, I've never bothered to follow than to -10 part. That rating system screws me up.

3ish.

Stressed, stressed, stressed. School won't call back and am no longer sure it's actually still a school anymore, apartment date is looming with parents backing out, not sure how to pay for initial fees with no support whatsoever, at least this month, work strapping table was completely wrong and must be fixed tonight, which means will be here until midnight. I can deal with the first and the last, even if it isn't fun, but I need a place to live. They said find a place soon, can't stay in smoke and unhealthy conditions forever, that apartment's fine, put in an application... oh, we'll deal with it in two weeks. Appointment is on Friday, not two weeks; I can't get it in two weeks, it won't be available anymore. I can pay for it, but then I'll have maybe $5 (not an exaggeration), and how am I supposed to get food or even gas to get to work for the rest of the month?

I never should have trusted them; my mother couldn't keep a promise on a day to do something if her life depended on it. She's been saying for over a week now about transferring funds from an account I can't touch (even though it's in my name and I've put the money into it), and months about contacting my uncle (he offered me furniture), but neither of those things have happened either.

My father is no better. I find a place I like, he goes, no, I want you to pick off of one of the four places I just sent you (after over a month of me looking and him not even being in the same state). Fine; it's actually on that list. No, still not good enough; get someone to go with you. Who? My "godfather" who hates it automatically because of the fees is lower than his idea of what it should be (not that there aren't 1600 other fees to counteract that one), and so you never know who can move in (from his perspective, read: immigrants)? My uncle who lives two hours away and can't even be bothered to come out when my grandfather goes into the hospital? Or better yet, my grandfather, who's incapable of walking up his own porch steps. And even then he thinks I should wait two weeks, because you never know what else is aroud. Um, yeah, actually, I do: I've been around here and looked at places. He says, "Don't fall in love with a place until you've made the deal." I am trying to make the deal. Wait around two weeks!

I. Do. Not. Have. Two. Weeks. I am living in a house that is never vaccuumed, never dusted, and never cleaned in the slightest; I ask where these things are so that I can do them myself, and everyone refuses to tell me. I finally found a broom and have used that, but that's not much help on a carpet. I live in a house with someone who smokes constantly, to the point where now even my car smells like smoke, and he's never been in it. And that same person constantly critizes everything and everyone, including my grandfather, who he has never had five minutes of conversation with and makes sweeping generalzations about everything from people with tattoos to people who are Baptist to people who have moved here from another country. I am in a place where the fridge is guarded religiously, like not throwing out things will continue to make them fresh. I have to go downstairs at three in the morning if I wanted to get rid of the spoiled milk which is making the rest of the fridge smell. And God forbid that six month old mustard bottle that's been sitting on the counter goes missing. Or the sack of rotting potatoes that is by the washer/dryer. I'm scared of bringing food into the house. I'm not even being sarcastic or exagerrating about that either. I have been here for over a month now, and I do not want to stay here any longer, much less two weeks.

Two weeks. Every time I try to explain, to remind them that they offered to help me repeatedly, they dig in their heels even more. I am completely screwed at this point.

This is not a good position to be in at all for me, not now. Feel like crying at this point.

-5 puked and sick.

_________________
check out my website at {redacted by admin - domain taken over and points to a porn site}

When in doubt, ask an autistic. Chances are, they're obsessed with what you need to know.

Autism Speaks will NEVER speak for me

CLASSIC AUTISM

-4. Work sucked, our idiot part-time university admin totally screwed up our server with an unnecessary software upgrade which I ended up working on for 8 straight hours (not even a break for lunch) and STILL couldn't fix. Then I had to put up with more drama at my parents' house tonight between them and my brother...I am starting to think it would be better for me to just not have dinner at all than go over there and get exposed to the stress all the time.

Starting to wish I had the guts to just end it. So tired of being lonely and having NOBODY to confide in.

-8
I'm being bullied and harrassed by an a***hole at work, and my (male ) supervisors won't do anything. I was actually told that no-one can bully me without my permission. . Where's the classifieds?

Around 7. I have only 5 days to go until I have an entire week off; and today was the hardest day of the week, so this week will only get easier.

-6. Slept horribly due to stress yesterday, had a bad morning, and my inability to get my iced coffee this morning on the way to work made me so mad I ended up punching the roof of my car until I my knuckle hurt too much to continue. Starting to wonder if I developed a hairline fracture now.

+3. Been working very hard writing and painting, but now exhausted.

P'Oed-10. Voices keep playing in my head of my family members being jerks to me and saying I'm the jerk.

-1. Since the recent spell of depression's lifted, I've been getting the anxiety: trouble sleeping at night and keeping awake during the day, over-worrying, exhaustion, and worst of all, hypochondria. Grr.

Distant

Zero, meaning as flat as it can get, at work, bored as hell, no one comes, the 3 persons who came so far were enough to drain almost all my energy out of me (it's really awesome, I always arrive happy and pretty hyper after playing videogames and after an hour I'm sooo tired). I just wish I could be home again to play Resident Evil 5....

((((((((((everyone))))))))

I am back from my trip, got some nice rainforest photos though most of them were a bit dark.. there is mixed light in a rainforest.

Rained for a lot of the time... though I guess in a near tropical area that is how it should be.

Being away from my situation here has given me perspective. My sensory problems are getting worse, not better and I have realised that I do need to get a diagnosis. I cant fight it anymore. I really wanted to just get on with my life and somehow sort all this out but now I am not sure what I can do.. maybe I can get myself into a good situation but I need the security of a welfare benefit. The benefit I am on right now, I have to renew it every 3 months, and I feel scared that it will be cut off at any time, or I will be forced into a job that makes my sensory problems worse.

Anyway I guess that is what I will do.