scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-10. I didn't know I could feel this... autistic. I think I know what could have caused this horrible mess, a bad medication that's finally given up and stopped doing anything altogether, and then this very strange meeting of the imaginary and the tangeable - these three pillars of shittiness form the basis for the whole thing, I think.

I think of this situation like this; I have these two large competing forces driving straight towards each other, and just as they meet, the bridge that could fascilitate the pairing by keeping the balance collapses in a heep of destruction. I literally cannot get outside my brain, for the first time I can remember; I feel like a prisoner in my head for the first time ever. I always thought I wouldn't experience this, but I finally have, and now I am questioning every thing.

This is the first time I haven't been able to say aloud my feelings, I just nearly throw-up instead. Like the words won't make their way up pass my throat. Jesus, what a nightmare. I want this fixed so badly, I'm just making it worse.

^That's not cool. I hope things start looking better for ya, soon.



I'm doin' OK, again. Been doing lots of coin shopping lately, and I'm happy to be re-involved with the hobby. It's exciting 'cause I'm selling US coins overseas, and for some reason those guys find our stuff exotic. I'm not going to argue with that, it helps boost selling prices. Sweet deal.

Oh yeah.....I'll give it a +7.

-7 I feel horrible! I'm a disgrace to my parents and what they raised me for. One sorry to mother couldn't be enough, by a long shot, to take off the 'no job' guilt I'm feeling. Alot of this isn't my fault either!

Whoever said "life is to be enjoyed" must have been high on illegal drugs or something. I think the Christian that said suicide takes a person to hell is an ASS HOLE! Something I also been thinking about for a very, very long time now.

^ Dont give up. Life is enjoyable but it just has some very unenjoyable patches at times. And quite a few of us here on this board are not working, particularly with the recession.

5 again for me, unfortunately the digger is still next door, but they are not using it as much as yesterday so perhaps they have nearly finished with it.

2 days till diagnostic process begins!! ! I will write a thread on it when it is happening.
Weather is not bad, blue sky with lots of cloudy streaks. I thought for a second that I could hear cicadas, which is strange for mid-winter.. then I realised it is the tinnitus, which sounds like cicadas today for some reason.

QFT I hope you're not driven to killing yourself, and I hope things improve for you soon.

I'm a minus 5 today. I've just done a good days work, and earned 50, but thanks to my neurotic self I'm incredibly depressed right now. Something really has to change, but I can't mention my AS to my parents, and as such I have to be refered to a doctor for some other reason, and ask to be refered to a specialist due to my severe mental problems. I don't things will change a lot after that, but it's an improvement in the short term. Now I just have to wait until I get seriously injured, or sick...and the last time I was sick was five years ago

+6 things are OK at the moment but I'm feeling unproductive without a job and I'm counting down the days til I go back to studying

I'm a +6 too. I'm going on a nice long roadtrip tomorrow, so that's cool to look forward too. It's nothing major, only a 6 hour round trip, but i haven't been out much lately so I'm looking forward to it.

-2.

Sometime yesterday I got hit by a wave of exhaustion. I cannot tolerate things, think straight, deal with the outside world (which I need to do to sort out a mistake someone made that prevents me doing any research), communicate in more depth than short posts such as this, and can barely read simple text. I'm fed up with living in this body.

^
I've been feeling pretty exhausted myself. Too much drugs in my system I guess. I got the flu, so I'm taking medication and of course my usual anxiety meds. I'm feeling really beat. (-3).

-3.

My exhaustion has increased some more. I had brief contact with someone a few times and told them I could not be very coherent at the moment because I am physically weak. However, they got angry at me for displaying behaviours directly resulting from this state (for example, my expressions of self-disgust and frustration at being unable to talk or think properly when they required me to). I have tried repeatedly to explain my state to them but it doesn't sink in. I feel harrassed but cannot tell whether it is real or not; only my gut tells me it's true. It feels a bit like I'm losing my mind because I have no one to speak to about this or to witness the encounters.

Scared of loss of a loved one (my mother).

I think I need to see more death and suffering up close, that "fixed" the same problem when I was seven or so. I suppose I can go after the wild/feral dogs around here, but that breaks my rule, if you kill it, you eat it. But then, they don't eat what they kill around these parts. It'd be justice for the livestock and pets they killed (no justification on my part, I just need to see death up close).

Yes, I will go after them, and it's something I need to see and feel again. It's been too long. Daniel is too soft at the moment.

If you're really feeling weak, you should check with your doctor. It could be related to low blood pressure or maybe even sun stroke. Try not to care about what others say. Remember, it takes one to know one. Unless someone has experienced your pain, they won't understand it for themselves.



Wow Daniel that's pretty intense. I hope your mom feels well. I suppose I really only have my mom too. I don't know what I would do if she were gone. But are you sure you going about the process of possible loss the right way? I guess you know yourself best. Hope things work out for you....

As for me, I'm still -3. Runny nose is becoming annoying.

-8

Went to look for work again. Forgot my info and felt like a real dumb ass for forgetting it. Drove over 60 miles back........ so here I am, typeing after completing a violent SI scene that I'm sure they could hear for a block or more.... where I split into two roleplay rolls, the batter victim whoes being taught a lesson by the big fat bully. Yes, again with the line "because you are a little b***h" attached. Why do I diserve this?

3 I guess. Sort of feel unloved for some reason, so cant put a 5. Anyway, diagnosis starts tomorrow. So hopefully that will help achieve something, also I am going to make an appointment with the audiologist again to get some non-linear earplugs. I think they have to be specially made, they pour some stuff into the ear so it solidifies in the shape of the ear canal.

Daniel, Im sorry you are going through this. I hope you dont go after the dingoes though.

-6. Pretty heavily depressed. Seeing the doctor next Tuesday. Hopefully I'll get back on meds. I don't know how much longer I can handle this. I'm trying my hardest to survive, but I'm rapidly losing the ability to care and the will to continue.