scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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you're welcome. And, it will be a great day when you have these things again . I know how much I appreciate my own space and peace and quiet.

~

A 3. Getting excited as my parents are going away tomorrow. Unfortunately my father is spraying Roundup outside and I hate chemicals, dont like having them in the garden... but anyway I am supposed to be getting myself in a better mood about things so I will try hard not to think about it. Cloudy today. Not much going on, just the usual.

-5. School was... bad. I hate transitions. But without the transition stuff, I think my year will probably be about a -7. At school, I was a -10. On the very edge of shutdown, all day. Not that great now, thinking about school, but at least I'm outta there for another 9.5 hours. Cant verbalize very well now. Going to try and calm down.

I'm just a little kid.

Not high, but not catastrophically low, either. If I can find the most recent prescription for my antidepressants, I'm going to get it filled today and start taking them again. They are also used to treat anxiety, and my anxiety is just out of control at the moment. It's got to the point where it's affecting my ability to do other things, because it's so difficult to focus on anything other than the anxious thoughts. It's never been this bad before.

8...great!! I had a great time at school, I've done most of my study for the moment, I'm just squeezing in an existentialist lecture at the moment...

I did notice that there was a new Aspergers (or Autistic, I'm not hugely aware of the difference, especially between a "functional" autistic and a "functional" aspie) kid in school. He un-doubtable moved school due to bullying.

I'm only mildly ASD (I have all the exentricities, but I can hide them well, apart from no small-talking), but my "crazy" symptoms balance out the geeky one's and all in all I appear little more than neurotic to the naked eye. Anyway, for some reason or other, I could see why people hated him; when he came into the room, he spoke in a monotonous tone (with no Irish accent, even though the local accent is both strong and colloquial sounding), and used overwrought, stilted language (He talked for a second or two, in unusual vocal, about how beneficial these "study periods" were to him. And he didn't giggle at "period"

Then, he kept answering questions in class (and he also betrayed the fact that his biology knowledge is only "good", betraying the box NT's call "geeky genius but okay"), and, pretty irritatingly, he kept going "mmhh" at the end of every sentence the teacher said. That was a little painful tbh I'd like to point these things out to him, so he could work on them, but I don't even know if he knows he's autistic, or if he'd accept the advice.

BTW, the above isn't intended to be some sort of "I hate ASD'ers" speech. I don't. I have my quirks. I can't small talk, at all. I'm prone to depressive mood swings, I can't have a relationship with the girl I like, I have crazy emotions (which I think I can understand, through acting on my craziness and enjoying the consequences). I posted the above so maybe someone around here might realise they do the same, realise NT's find it irritating, and consider stopping it, unless they like doing it If you like it, stim on my brother, stim on

I'm happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy.......

2, just neautral

Glad everyone is doing ok.. and hope those that arent soon will.

I am perhaps 3, nothing much happening today. I will be taking a board break of a few weeks... starting to spend too much time online again... need to curb it.

7 - Meh, weird day but still good.

-8.5 its higher than last time because I am going to a video game expo on Sunday called PAX. I am excited I started going since last year. But I still have a lot of depression right now and games and movies are some of the very few things that gets my mind off the depression but not totally. I feel like I am going nuts because I have been seeing things and starting to hear things as well. Me nuts? That never happens! Well obviously it happens 365 days a year for 26 years. I am ancient! Stupid Old Age Syndrome! That should be added in the DSM V in 2012!

6

Doin good. Life has been very good to me lately.

Put in an application for my dream career: A sales associate at Wal-Mart......

Heheh.

+5 I'm in a good mood today. I'm still jobless, unfortunatly and my best friend won't stop being upset. 'sigh' I still feel good though. I am at the point in life where one does all one can for the time being. Filling out applications on monday seems to help the rest of the week better. After all, I got my subcontious "Work! Now" monster to shut up by doing so.

9.

I'm really temperamental. Prolly will feel -5 in an hour.

+2 I'm doing OK, not great, but OK. Also, I'm going to get that suspicious spot on my back checked out tomorrow, so that has me sort of nervous. I'm hoping it's easily treatable.

I'm sure I'll be sleeping great tonight.

5. My antidepressants are finally working for me, and I'm myself again. I may still need to do some fine tuning on the dosage, but it looks pretty good.

+3

I feel perfectly fine, but bored. Oh so bored.

+ 4

About 15 months ago I (drunkenly) told two people in my group of friends (who I've now known for about two years) that I was autistic. Never mentioned again but given how quick rumours spread around the group I've always suspected everyone knows. Tonight, someone other than one of those two mentioned it. Passing comment, I just laughed and kept the conversation going.

Not that it matters either way but currently it pleases me. The alienation has perhaps decreased slightly, although it's certainly got a vast distance to go.

Plus I've got only slightly unpleasant takeaway… So lets call it a 4.

Last edited by oppositedirection on 06 Sep 2009, 9:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

+4 Doing okay since I got some good news from the doctor Thursday. Negative on the skin cancer. I get paranoid because I've been smoking heavily for quite a few years,(even though that doesn't cause skin cancer) and i know I've had plenty of carcinogens pass through this body. Maybe they didn't pass through? I'm not sure, I never looked into it. Anyway, i know i put myself into a high risk category, so i try to watch out for signs, in hopes that I can catch it ASAP if it ever happens. At least it gives me better odds.


Had some other stuff go down recently, but that's another story that i don't feel like sharing right now. Someday......