Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear everyone who ever 'knew' me.......

You didnt. I was so much more and so much less than everything you saw.

Dear Me:
You really need to some how find a way to control the feelings that you feel with out prescriptions or chemicals,
I know much of it is simple loneliness that I can not help due to my social deficits making it incredibly hard to find just even a real friend or harder still a mate, but its ridiculous that at times for no reason at all you feel these intense deep feelings and just cant seem to turn them off. this tells me they are chemical in nature, imbalances in body chemistry, and I hate them, its not like the ups and downs of bi-polars, its a more down the lines of a flat numb or anxiety's that wear me down into fits of depressions that at times last for YEARS, herbal meds do not seem to work as well and I have tried many over the years, in fact it became one of my specialties because of this problem, what am I to do? I hate this on going relentless Issue, about the only times I get breaks are the rare times I get to enjoy the burning desires of an new all consuming relationship that I feel safe in by knowing they feel the same burning desires for and about me, or when my child wakes up with a bright shining smile making me forget the rest of the world and my self.


(ponder)(scratch scratch)(ponder ponder)
perhaps this is why my ex-girlfriend jumps from relationship to relationship,
new flame to new flame, so often and so quickly.

Dear Me,
For God's sake, get over this damn self-pity before I kick your arse.

- Me -

Dear Freak Who Tore My Life Apart:

You're gone.

I'm giving up on my depression.

You can't hurt me anymore.

If you come back, I'll kill you and repeatedly kick your dead body.

How d'you like pain?

Buh-bye forever.

~Nairin

To my ex's:
You both used and abused me in different ways. If the two of you can't see that I wish to be alone, then that is your problem. Please leave me alone and never come back.

Mutanatia

Dear 'You' -

After all this time, you're still playing games? I wish I didn't care at all, but you're bothering my life, and you chose to leave in the first place. What cracks me up is that while you keep up the performance... well, if I were in his shoes, dealing with the person I know you to have become over the years, I'd be gloomy and sad too. You're a rarity, a thoroughly regrettable soul whose one quality I find most redeeming is that you are no longer my concern - now just go away.


M(e).

Dear Friend,

Thanks for taking me to see "The Dark Knight" with you the other day. I had fun!


-SpaceCase

Dear my consultant psychiatrist,
GET ME OUT OF THIS WARD! I'm suffocating in here.
Yours sincerely,
Steel Maiden

Dear _______ -

[content redacted due to profanity] - ENOUGH. Will someone please do something?


M.

Strangely enough, one of my sisters' pet peeves is me sitting anywhere near girls or when I sit down and a girl sits in a chair in any seat next to mine. It drives me nuts because 100 percent of the time those seats are vacant. I have no problems with girls at all, and I don't want ANYTHING from the peanut gallery, so keep comments to yourselves. 99.9 percent of my letters will be for my sister whose 16th birthday is today. (I have a 19 year old sister, but there isn't much to hate about her).

Dear Stephanie,

Stop telling me where to sit at church events. I can't sit anywhere without asking someone to move down a seat because of your pet peeve. If I sit in a seat and girls sit in front of me or in adjacent seats, you send me a text and glare at me because you don't like what I am doing. There is nothing wrong with me or where I sit, YOU have a problem with your brother sitting wherever the heck he wants because he feels like it. You send the same message to my phone so many times, I have to get up and stand for crying out loud. I had to stand for two hours straight at a three day, two night Church of Christ convention last January because of you. I dread doing these things because I know you tell me where to sit. I have to tell my youth minister to not put you in the same group as me because of your somewhat related pet peeve of me having friends who are girls. I cannot tolerate this and it has to stop. (those are my sister's biggest pet peeves. It has nothing to do with me, but where I sit.) I am tired of you flooding my phone with that same message until I get out of my seat with a scowl on my face or until I have no room for contacts or photos. What is making my action a pet peeve for you. I can't describe how I am ticked off without bringing up Godwin's Law. You chew me out for staying in that seat and not getting up. Don't make me get started on mosh pits either. (I am reminding anyone reading this letter that I want nothing from the peanut gallery.) I like being in mosh pits and and I don't give a hoot where I am standing. I am so mad writing this letter that I just want to do something to keep you from chewing me out for sitting wherever the heck I want and for chewing me out for mistakes I make, dropping things, not noticing that I have my shoes untied, etc. How was I supposed to know I had a small hole in my shirt sleeve and the left leg of my jeans where my ankle was? I am tired of being chewed out for every minor mistake or being chewed out because I am more laid back than you. This is my life, not yours. Stop forcing me to stand where the only vacant seats are near girls and the same for mosh pits. You cannot chew me out about my hearing because i insert earplugs in my ears before walking to the pit. And just stop controlling my life like a TV remote.

Your brother

Dear POLTC--

I've always had trouble staying in touch with people though I did manage to call you once in awhile back when I thought there was somebody that gave a **** at the other end of the line. There was a time when I'd get the occasional phone call from you, but not anymore. Now I don't even know how to pick up the phone because I find myself asking why I should. Then I realized that if I wasn't ready to dump the kids off at the drop of a hat and be ready to party every weekend the same way you were, then I was not someone you wanted to have around. You selfishly reject the family life my husband and I have chosen, but you also secretly envy us. You envy that we can have each other, and be such great parents, and no longer need the likes of you to feel needed in this world. As long as my husband and children love me, I'll never feel alone. We're doing just fine without you and have new acquaintances who interact with our children when they're around and not treat them like they're unwanted nuisances. They're not parents themselves. They're just a better caliber of people. Will these people still be in our lives years from now? Maybe not. But as I've come to realize, friendship dynamics change over the years. I've been willfully blind to see this until now because you all were familliar-- a large piece of my past. That's just what you are now: the past. Against my natural instinct to hang on to routine, I'm moving on.

Additionally, I need to also mention about how you all shyed further away when I began to come out of the autistic closet during the period of my daughter's diagnosis. You'd think that people you've known for over a decade who were part of a solidarity of fellow oddballs and the rejects from HS days themselves would embrace my self-realization with open arms. I thought wrong. Sorry if the words autism and AS scare you. I am what I am, and that's all I'll ever be. I'm no different in spirit than I was in 1994. I've just grown, and matured, and amazingly due to my AS awareness am able to have a bit of public self-control. The girl that always took the joke one step too far or was too loud or too crass has learned restraint. So how does acknowledging and disclosing my AS mean that I'm to be quarrantined like a diseased freak? I know that this probably isn't exactly how you intended your actions to be interpreted, but it certainly feels as such.

I'm not looking for apologies, and I'm not looking for pity. I'm just looking for honesty and respect, even if you didn't want my friendship anymore. That's all anyone should give to anyone. This letter may sound disjointed or maybe even these things would come as a surprise, but it's just me laying out my feelings-- honestly and truly.

Walking the plank yet swimming to emotional freedom,
"Annie"

Dear Modern America,
Why did you turn a country with such potential into a s**t hole full of f*****g idiots?

Sincerely,
z0rp

Dear Dr. Duncan,


I miss you. You never got back to me so I don't know if you miss me, but I think you'd like it if I went back and saw you again and told you everything and I know I should probably have listened to you and stayed at the YMCA and reserved that room before my mother told the staff that we were both leaving. I miss Edmonton and being able to get to everything easily, and I wish I could have had just a few more months there, alone, without anyone pressuring me to do anything. When my mother was there I had to make sure my stuff didn't get mixed up with hers, I couldn't get the food I wanted because I had to save for this or that and we were sharing but that messed up things, because she has different needs from me. I just want to go back there, now. I (probably) wish I had just stayed on the 40mg of Celexa and I didn't have any side effects. Nobody understands why I just wanted to be alone and do nothing for a little while without ANYONE there, but I do, so f**k them.


Your patient,

KMC

Dear neighbours,
Can't you people go one damn night without screeching like demented monkeys?! Has noone told you that it is possible to solve your disputes without hurting the ears of everyone within a 100 mile radius?
I wish you'd all disappear, except for the daughter, who is a nice child whom I pity for having to put up with your nonsense.

- Me -

Dear Liz

I am sorry things did not work out between us.
Yes, I had a crush on you and decided to take a risk and ask you out. In fact, I will also confess that it was suggested to me by another coworker that you were interested in me, which in fact emboldened me to ask you.
I think things started out well. I enjoyed our first date at the movies. In fact, it was the first "real" date I have had in my life. I do not regret it.
If anything was to have been different, I would say we should have been more upfront with our feelings and expectations right after that.
But since we didn't, I think things gradually started to fall apart after that point. I wanted to pursue you as a potential girlfriend, but you didn't want that. I became disappointed and frustrated with your subtle ways of avoiding me and never quite letting me get through to you.
But somehow we did eventually go out again. However that second date was not what I expected and it didn't serve to bring to us closer together. Then I got angry when you wouldn't respond to me after about our next plans. I do regret that. You then told me you only liked me as a friend and from then I assumed you just wanted to be friends.
I decided to give us both some space after that and would wait to see what you would do. Eventually you asked how I was and commented how we hadn't talked in a while. I assumed that you wanted to talk to me and continue being friends. So I offered for us to go out again so we could talk about things.
But you apparently didn't really want to do that. I got confused and frustrated by that. I only offered us to go out since it was hard to talk to you over the phone or at work. After that, you avoided bringing up us getting together for our planned outing. I wasn't going to let myself remind you that time after what happened the last time. I wanted you to show your interest in our friendship.
But that never happened. Our friendship just wasn't important to you anymore.

Now it's come to this. Now you can't bear to look at me.
I don't hate you Liz. I still like you. That I feel concerned for this pain you have now shows me that I still care about you, even if you don't care about me. I would still like to know you as a friend if at all possible.
Maybe in some ironic twist now... You know what I felt that day after our first date when I heard you say you wouldn't love me. I hope you get over this soon.

-Dave

dear you,
obviously, i keep missing something.
i thought we were going to talk tonight.
eventually i'll learn that i'm not high enough on your huge list of friends to be remembered about.
i was there, waiting for you.
i was waiting for a reply to that last message i sent, too.
seems all i do is wait....
eventually i'll understand.
i just wish eventually was now.
it just kinda hurts, is all.

me.