scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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Let's say...3. 2 hours ago it was a 10 +, like always when I'm at home, now I'm at work and my hate for people has reached a good level. Really, it's one year now, this job has taken out all the worst part of me and something more, has made me feel bad, physically and emotionally, has made me a lot of enemies, all in all it has pretty much ruined a year, but I still haven't quit because my family is involved and the only other option I have gives me no guarantee on the long term. But I can't take it anymore, I don't care about the long term, I just want this hell to be over.

+2

Finished with homework for the week!

Zen - Thanks, I do have someone taking care of me. My ex is here.

JB - Congrats on the weight loss!! !

I'm around -4 right now which is an improvement from the other day. I'm finding it easier to breathe which is a nice change. But the longer I'm on these meds, the worse the side effects are. I feel like my skin is crawling because it's screwing up everything inside of me and I have no schedule, no real attachment to anything and I'm forgetting parts of my day, I have no concept of time. I just want to feel comfortable again. And I have no way of getting away from this. I haven't left my room in 2 days.

3, poss 4

Mainly posting to remind myself not just to post when I'm at my lowest. Picking some of the pieces up, (i.e almost brave enough to answer some emails, maybe tomorrow ) mainly helped in cheering up by my dyspraxic cat who keeps falling off the chair arm then washing his leg to pretend it NEVER happened and my son's jargon dysphasia ( he has been re-enacting the dialogue from game shows, with characters from kids shows as the contestants, it's on-purpose funny and he makes himself laugh doing it).

And other nice things, (for me!) I got a re-print of the original nosferatu poster for very very cheap, plus I actually might get to have a night out for my birthday arranged for me...relief!

^ Good that you are having a good day.

I am sort of at a 2, which is better than last night.

+4

I finally got to install my Wii, and love it!

oddly, after successes working on a hobby project today, -1

I'm doing okay, I suppose, but nowhere as good as the last 2 days. I got into a bit of a disagreement with one of my buddies, so that has me kinda bummed out. I'll give today a +2.

0. Empty. Alone. Deflated.

hugs for the bummed out boys above. I hope things look clearer for you both in the morning.

-3 for me today which is an improvement. I got 3 hours of sleep which is the most I've had in a night since Saturday. Have to see the Dr. today and see what's happening with my meds. I haven't left my house in 3 days and I'm dreading having to be driven downtown, sitting in a packed waiting room, and then waiting for a ride back home again. I'd much rather stay far away from the chaos and people and stay in my room. Once you've been here long enough, it's hard to make yourself leave again.

-3. A sudden wave of nausea at the realisation I may never have a career. My doctor is helping me go about obtaining social support. I hope to improve my mobility mainly. However, from the stories I've heard, this is likely to prove inadequate at best. I am practically housebound these days; most of the time in my room; nothing left to do but continue crunching data and writing. I cannot help but blame myself for everything.

^Best wishes, for all the aforementioned crappiness. Good luck with the Dr CG.




I'm doing good today. Probably 'cause i was able to transition back into 'don't give a crap' mode, after having a little sleep. Okay, maybe i do still give a crap, but, it's not so bad if I trick myself into thinking i don't. Doh!


+4.5

-4

hope everyone above posting in the - numbers feel better....

I am at a 3 today so up one point from yesterday! Cloudy day... might possibly rain. In my campaign to get myself out of the house more, I am going today to the Domain in the middle of town. There are 2 plant hothouses there, and I am going to take photos of the flowers, and the domain itself.

8. YAAAAAY I haven't seen him since Juuuune!

I'd say 9, today's just been good for me!