scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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i feel great, never better really

+ 4. Mostly contented but a little bummed out because I have to work tonight, and then report to school at 9:00 am. I crave freedom.

A +5 for sure.

Hope to get that up higher later today.

-4. It's been a long day and I guess it's no surprise I've dropped a few points. Frustration at my lack of luck again.

^ Hope you feel better tomorrow morning.

I am at a 4. Parents are back and my worries that they would think that I have killed their house while they were gone seem to be unfounded. I stayed up until midnight panicking and cleaning. It looked sort of ok when I had finished with it but had an air of a house that wasnt entirely untidy but wasnt all that tidy either. Which is better than the chaos it has been in for most of their absence.

My mother has only been back 5 hours and the house already looks immaculate and shiny and well ordered, as if I had never had it under my inattentive care, and she has already unpacked all her stuff too and washed 2 loads of laundry. How I didnt inherit any of these genes I dont know. Everything she touches seems to turn shiny and clean and neat and organised and she herself always looks neat and tidy. I think it is because she is always arranging objects.

0 bless Zen and everyone.

I'm still not doing well, the pain is getting worse. I'm afraid to sleep and don't want anyone near me. Can't stand the pushing and prodding and attempts to call a doctor or ambulance. Would love it if ppl just left me alone or stopped magnitizing my crap 3 tons fold.

Stilll hurts though.....>_<

+3

Finally over my illness.

Never a number. Still haven't gotten over the 1 to 10 system, don't know how to factor in those negatives.

Tired. Every time I go over to that house, I get even more tired. I think exhaustion might be my way of dealing with loss. Sooner or later I'll have to go over to the neighbor's house, which I'm not looking forward to. She means well, but I'd prefer distance. Might just go to the church and hang out there for a while. Everyone's dying anyway; eight deaths in ten months, I'll probably be funeral planning again there soon enough.

And hurting. To give up something so important without trying is incomphrensible to me. Knowing an outcome before it's done is impossible. Just keep repeating that nothing worth having is easy and remember that it goes both ways.

((((((((everyone who is below 0)))))))) Thx MissConstrue and i_wanna_blue, it is nice to be appreciated.

The thing I find hard about this thread is that I want to reply to all the comments at once..
(whereas it is impossible to )... I think this is my favourite thread on the whole board, sort of like an extended family

Anyway my own stuff. I am a 3. Doing sound therapy at the moment via my MP3 player. Trying to decide where to go today so I can get out... Im thinking of going looking for some jeans.. I need some.. thing is though there are these "skinny jeans" in fashion. I know they look nice on some ladies but I just end up looking like a triangle.

I have big hips and thighs and small calves which taper down to tiny ankles. So I will be searching far and wide, I think...

Also considering other stuff, such as ADD stuff, asking philosophical questions such as what is the best way to run an ADD brain which also has AS? It seems I am a person who needs high mental stimulation otherwise I just switch off. The wrong kind of stimulation sends me into a sort of a stressed, hypervigilant panicky overdrive. So, trying to think of the basic things.

^
I'm actually having problems of my own with stimulation. I think it's the reason I have such vivid dreams at night. It feels as if my brain is over stimulated when it's time go to sleep, and although my body seems switched off, my brain is still wide awake. I'm trying not to watch tv and staying away from wet lit rooms. hope it works.

I'm a -2 right now. It's been a tough last two days. Again I hope everyone finds themselves in the positive numbers.

+5

Something big is going to transpire tonight.

^ I hope the big thing happened.....

@ I_Wanna_Blue... yes, I think one of the big things is figuring out what is an optimal level of stimulation. One thing that I have been realising over the last few weeks is that my mind is far more different to the average NT than I imagined... the things I need to be doing for optimal mental health are different to that of the NT, but yet there is no instruction booklet on what I should be doing. That is something I will have to discover I guess.

It is common for aspies to have great difficulty switching off their mind at night. my ex had that issue, he was virtually nocturnal.

Me, probably a 4. The stuff that was upsetting me yesterday afternoon is not weighing so heavily on me today. I am now trying to decide where to go today. I went photographing again yesterday so I think I will do the jeans shopping today.