scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-2. I have mental health issues that have gone unaddressed for too looong. They are so pervasive that I don't know what's me and what's them any more. I wait and wait for referrals, but it might be too late and lost already. It's all wrong; I can see the smiling faces of the perpetrators beside my bed who "BS for a living".

Sorry (((((((CelticGoddess))))))) for your loss, and I hope Outlier and I_wanna_blue feel better today. Everyone else, good to read you are doing well.

Me, a 3. Sitting at my parents house. I havent slept here for 3 days. The reason is that I have been seeing a new guy, though I have kept quiet about it, because I havent told my ex yet, and he reads this board sometimes, I dont want him to find out via a BBS board.

We broke up in late July and have been on amicable terms since, but I dont think it will be so amicable once he finds out I am seeing something new, and he will be very hurt, so I am dreading telling him. He shouldnt see this post as when he visits he tends to not look at this part of the board, but I cannot be sure he wont.

But I will have to tell him soon though.

So, went to a surprise party yesterday for my brother's 35th. His girlfriend threw it, and I spent an afternoon hiding from all my brothers friends behind my current guy, who was very helpful. My brothers friends are nice enough, but Im still scared of them as I am sort of not in the position right now to be sociable, I am too much of a train wreck and I just cant be around people.

It was actually my first party in over a year. My parents said "Good that you went there. You have to challenge yourself. You cant just sit at home." But they dont understand. Its almost like jumping in a shark pool and coming home covered with bites and people saying "Great that you did that, you were challenged in that shark pool."

Anyway I guess I am glad I did it even though I only did it for my brother. I guess I need to really work on my issues so that I can go to a party in future with no problems.

-3;4, something like that.
I'm trying to recover from a crying fit/near-meltdown I had just a bit ago, but people in this house aren't making it easy at all. And I'm sort of feeling like breaking something. *Punches self in head*

Thank you again zen mistress. I hope for the best for you in your new relationship, and I can totally relate to not wanting to jump in with the sharks. And well wishes to Belinda as well.


I'm a +2, at the moment. Just thinking about the girl I wished I could have got to know better. It feels like I missed out on something good again, due to circumstances I couldn't control.

-7 The pnemonia is back and it's worse than before. They switched the medicine class and upped it again this weekend to 1000mg. The side effects are horrendous. The steroids are at their max, and I have 3 inhalers to take as well. I'm in bed 24/7 until I can breathe properly or else it will extend my recovery time 2-3 months. Last night I stopped breathing twice in my sleep. It feels like I'm dying. That shallow raspy fluid filled breathing. The shaking from the steroids. The anitobiotics are messing with my blood pressure. I can't lay flat or else I can't breathe, but as soon as I go upright, I shake like I'm convulsing, I start sweating, and I get a raging headache. I am just so sick of being sick.

Thank God my ex is here. He has been incredible. I wish I could love him again like I used to but I can't. My heart just isn't there with him, but he's been an incredible friend to me in this. He told me last night he's starting to get scared because he's never seen me sick like this (and we have 20 years of history). I'd cry but I have no emotions in me right now. I feel empty of everything. I want my old self back.

Sorry to be so depressing. I'm struggling.

CG what you are going through sounds dreadful, I'm glad you have someone there looking after you and hope you get well soon.


i'm about a 3 (on my own emotional scale) . Went out yesterday, put on a reasonable show of not actively being miserable. And am prepared now to be an inpatient if that's whats needed with my so far treatment resistant depression as realise it's affecting others now.

Thanks guys.

^That sounds terrible CG, and scary. I hope you start feeling better, soon. Make sure to keep us all updated. Best wishes.



I'm about a +5, not doing too bad today. The weather is crappy, so it's going to be an inside day, for sure. Oh well, I have plenty to keep my busy for now.

+10

Let's just say that I am a big people pleaser.

-2

Life is good and all, except for being unemployed and being in poverty. I don't know what the hell kinda job I can do..........

Ack. I was all excited to see you back here again. I'm sorry things are a little rough though. I hope it all falls into place sooner rather than later.

Thanks, and I hope things go better with you too *has read some of the more recent posts*

I'm hoping I can get a job in a library but I'm afraid they might only be accepting volunteers but I need something that pays. I'll know in about eight hours or so.