scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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+5

I wish that mainstream society would let me be. I will let myself be, in spite of mainstream society, but mostly because I want to let myself be.

+2

I want to be trollish lately, but moral just keeps butting in. Curse it all..

Hope everyone is doing well. It seems that most are...

Probably a 3. Again. Not really sure what to write about though. Hopefully it will be sunny this weekend.

-8. *insert random profanity*

I'd say -2. I'm feeling kinda blue because of what I explained here >> http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt111809.html

0

Don't you love it when people ignore you to death or treat you like you don't exist? It's called shunning, and honestly it makes me angry. I'm not an attention slut, after all! If said person were treated like wise, they would.... let's just say they would cry about it forever and ever, if they cared like I did.

5.. I suppose my only hindrance at this moment is being able to socialise with members of the opposite sex As well, trying to simply relax and not let any past demons bother me when it comes to conversation whether it's online or offline..

Well, "crap" pretty much explains my day. I'm having a drink and listening to some tunes, so that's all i have to say about it, right now.


+1.6

0. Not too bad I guess.

0

=.=; One of my father's Cutsomers leasurely took a DUMP in the middle of the drive way, in front of him and my sister!!

Like.. WTF!!

Negative, negative, negative, negative and negative.
My father just shouted at my brother to get up tomorrow and start looking for a job (my brother has been looking for a job since the day after he lost his last one), and about how he had had to get up to let the dog out because my brother was making noises (he hadn't spoken for hours), and about how my brother "stayed in bed all day" (he has a late sleep cycle, but he gets around 7-8hrs of sleep per night, which is less than what my father gets) ]and as he left the room, he noticed my light on (because I'd been so tired that I fell asleep without turning it off, which happens often), and commented
"Another one who lays in bed all f*****g day."

Apart from the hypocrisy, it's not true. I spend more time at work than my father does, and outside of work, I do things that exercise my brain, and I get out of the house and go for walks. My father... sleeps, goes on the computer, and tries to make his children miserable.

I exhaust myself with work and dealing with people. On weekends, I spend a lot of time in bed, because I am doing everything that I can to prevent myself from collapsing completely and irrecoverably. It's not laziness; it's a matter of survival. If people can't tell the difference between exhaustion and laziness, how am I ever going to get help for whatever is wrong with my brain (and if dealing with people in a job strictly related to one's interests for less than 15 hrs/week, with virtually no in-person social contact, is draining to the point of collapse, and this is the least part of the problem, there's something seriously wrong)? I'm tired of being told that I'm very smart and that I just need to try harder. I don't know why people presume laziness rather than an actual problem that has spared my cognitive capacity, but that hits quite hard in other areas.

I can't help feeling like every week's always going to be like this- work, work, work, work, without ever getting enough money to move away from my father to somewhere where I can just be left alone without having to deal with hyprocrisy, verbal abuse and someone who resents my existence; and spending the weekends recovering so that by Monday I'm able to go back to more fruitless work, work, work, work and work.

If I wasn't able to keep in mind that I'm actively working toward changing things, and if I wasn't planning to dance on my father's grave, and if I wasn't too bloodyminded to give up, and if I didn't have the handful of absolutely perfect friends that I do, I'd wonder why I bothered to keep living. It's almost 4am, and I should be asleep, but I decided to come here and rant to distract myself from thoughts of hurting myself. It seems to have worked- I feel slightly better than I did when I first started typing.

I'm simply trying to relax and not let any anxiety get to me this Sunday afternoon and all..
Yes, my avatar reflects a character whom is known for Hellish exploits as, in my own life I've been tormented from demons but, not from hell rather from many & varying experiences throughout life yet, I'm doing my best so, on the scale I'm 6.

I'm feeling significantly better today. Had that surgery I mentioned before, and it actually wasn't that bad. I freaked myself into unconsciousness before they even managed to gas me lol, so I don't remember a thing. None too shabby for a ridiculous phobia.

Concerning the friend problems, I'm feeling a lot better about it. I know I am capable of forgiving them, I still want them as my besties and they still want me.

A 5 or even 6, perhaps?