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Why does no one want me to have a relationship?

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Fnord
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01 Mar 2019, 9:02 am

magz wrote:
Well, Mark, if you are unwilling to lose "your detractors" by not caring for what they think anymore, I would risk a suspection that you may be actually addicted to them...
Attention and affirmation are powerfully addictive.



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01 Mar 2019, 9:27 am

Fnord wrote:
magz wrote:
Well, Mark, if you are unwilling to lose "your detractors" by not caring for what they think anymore, I would risk a suspection that you may be actually addicted to them...
Attention and affirmation are powerfully addictive.

You could as well say that food is addictive.
Wanting attention and affirmation is perfectly natural, isn't it?


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Fnord
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01 Mar 2019, 9:39 am

magz wrote:
Fnord wrote:
magz wrote:
Well, Mark, if you are unwilling to lose "your detractors" by not caring for what they think anymore, I would risk a suspection that you may be actually addicted to them...
Attention and affirmation are powerfully addictive.
You could as well say that food is addictive. Wanting attention and affirmation is perfectly natural, isn't it?
Sure, it's natural. But, to use your food analogy, gluttony is always a risk.



magz
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01 Mar 2019, 9:45 am

Fnord wrote:
magz wrote:
Fnord wrote:
magz wrote:
Well, Mark, if you are unwilling to lose "your detractors" by not caring for what they think anymore, I would risk a suspection that you may be actually addicted to them...
Attention and affirmation are powerfully addictive.
You could as well say that food is addictive. Wanting attention and affirmation is perfectly natural, isn't it?
Sure, it's natural. But, to use your food analogy, gluttony is always a risk.

Or devouring tons of unhhealthy fast food instead of having a decent, balanced meal. Junk food may leave you overfed and still hungry/malnourished.


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Fnord
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01 Mar 2019, 10:07 am

magz wrote:
Fnord wrote:
magz wrote:
Fnord wrote:
magz wrote:
Well, Mark, if you are unwilling to lose "your detractors" by not caring for what they think anymore, I would risk a suspection that you may be actually addicted to them...
Attention and affirmation are powerfully addictive.
You could as well say that food is addictive. Wanting attention and affirmation is perfectly natural, isn't it?
Sure, it's natural. But, to use your food analogy, gluttony is always a risk.
Or devouring tons of unhhealthy fast food instead of having a decent, balanced meal. Junk food may leave you overfed and still hungry/malnourished.
Well, there you go! Just as the wrong kind of food will make you worse off than you were before, so can the wrong kind of attention. "Junk" attention (full of platitudes and empty praises) may fill your ego, but it does nothing to make your life better. Sometimes, people should simply ignore the junk, get up, get out, and actually do something to improve their situations.



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01 Mar 2019, 10:44 am

Yes, you are most probably right.
And upon a reflection on quality of emotional food, I think I should leave this thread.
See you somewhere else!


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kraftiekortie
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01 Mar 2019, 10:49 am

You give good advice Magz…..you don't give platitudes.



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01 Mar 2019, 10:54 am

Sarahsmith wrote:
Here's a thought. What if Mark does get a girlfriend and it eventually ends. Will he be devastated? People have been known to kill themselves from relationship problems. In other words having a relationship does not necessarily equal happiness. Sometimes they can actually make you feel pretty miserable.

Mark you may be dodging a bullet here.


I know that there are bad relationships. My siblings have had multiple break ups and even broke up with the women who would become their wives before they married them, my parents have gone through several divorces, my cousins have gone through multiple break ups, and my ex-friends had break ups when I knew them. But that didn't stop any of them from pursuing romance.



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01 Mar 2019, 11:04 am

There's nothing wrong with "pursuing romance."

What you don't want to do: Make "pursuing romance" the only game you pursue.



Marknis
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02 Mar 2019, 12:50 pm

It honestly feels like a game that I only see the 'attract mode' or 'Insert Coin' screen but I don't have any coins.



SportsGamer35728
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02 Mar 2019, 6:58 pm

On a related note, I frequently hear Mark talk about how narrow-minded people in the Bible Belt are. Out of curiosity, are people in the Corn Belt/Midwest like this too?



kraftiekortie
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02 Mar 2019, 8:10 pm

Not all people in the Bible Belt are like what Marknis describes.

He just has the bad luck to run into these sorts of people.



The Grand Inquisitor
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03 Mar 2019, 9:12 am

Marknis wrote:
It honestly feels like a game that I only see the 'attract mode' or 'Insert Coin' screen but I don't have any coins.

So go out there and earn some coins.

Marknis, I'm going to be very straight with you. I doubt that anybody here actively wants you to not get a girlfriend. Whether or not you get a girlfriend has such a minimal effect on the lives of everyone on this site that it would be insane for any of us to get so emotionally invested one way or the other. Most of us would like to see you succeed just as we'd like to see anyone else on this site succeed, but if you don't choose to make the choices that will lead you to success, it's not like it's going to cause any problem in our day-to-day lives. People tend to only get strongly emotionally invested in things that affect them, and your getting a girlfriend or not getting a girlfriend quite frankly doesn't affect us personally.

What you're likely experiencing from others on this site and mistaking as ill-will is backlash from those who are frustrated by the fact that you've been given tons and tons of good advice and rather than implement what's applicable, you choose to ignore it and continue ruminating about the same problem for years on end. If you don't get your act together, it's quite likely that you will never overcome your struggles.

Most people have a preference for a partner who is physically attractive and healthy. You're overweight and pre-diabetic. Most people have a preference for a partner who is independent, financially stable and with a decent career and job prospects. You live with your mother, there's no indication that that's going to change any time soon if at all, you presumably don't make enough to comfortably live independently and you do part-time and unskilled work and have minimal marketable job skills and prospects which, again, there's no indication that you're doing anything to improve. People, but specifically women, prefer partners who are ambitious/go-getters. Despite reaching adulthood 12 or 13 years ago, you've never moved out of home and lived independently and you've been at the same unskilled dead-end job for over 10 years, so judging by your living and employment situations, you are the antithesis of ambitious.

So what do you have going for you? Well I'd assume you're a cordial, kind-hearted man who cares about those close to you, but if that's all you've got to offer a woman, well quite frankly it's not enough, as your experience should tell you.

If you don't work towards improving your living situation, employment situation, financial situation, dietary situation, physical appeal or any combination of those until you're an appealing enough prospective partner for a woman to consider dating, you will continue to allow years and years of your life pass you by without any improvements to your romantic situation. You need to set some life goals and get working on them quick-smart if you want any hope of finding yourself a romantic partner. If you don't choose to, it's no skin off my nose, but just know that your own complacency is the driving force behind your failure. Not what your parents did or didn't do when you were younger, not your older brother, not what other people told you, not the bible belt, but your unwillingness to step up to the plate and do what's required to attract a woman into your life.

If you don't want to be commiserating about the same problems by the time you're 40, you'd best start becoming an independent, financially stable, healthy adult now. If you don't, then you only have yourself to blame, and don't be surprised when people get tired of hearing you complain about the same problems endlessly when you're not taking the measures necessary to solve them.



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03 Mar 2019, 9:56 am

that is basically what i wrote in the start of this emm, thread. welcome to the ranks of detractors, inq)


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03 Mar 2019, 10:13 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Marknis wrote:
It honestly feels like a game that I only see the 'attract mode' or 'Insert Coin' screen but I don't have any coins.

So go out there and earn some coins.

Marknis, I'm going to be very straight with you. I doubt that anybody here actively wants you to not get a girlfriend. Whether or not you get a girlfriend has such a minimal effect on the lives of everyone on this site that it would be insane for any of us to get so emotionally invested one way or the other. Most of us would like to see you succeed just as we'd like to see anyone else on this site succeed, but if you don't choose to make the choices that will lead you to success, it's not like it's going to cause any problem in our day-to-day lives. People tend to only get strongly emotionally invested in things that affect them, and your getting a girlfriend or not getting a girlfriend quite frankly doesn't affect us personally.

What you're likely experiencing from others on this site and mistaking as ill-will is backlash from those who are frustrated by the fact that you've been given tons and tons of good advice and rather than implement what's applicable, you choose to ignore it and continue ruminating about the same problem for years on end. If you don't get your act together, it's quite likely that you will never overcome your struggles.

Most people have a preference for a partner who is physically attractive and healthy. You're overweight and pre-diabetic. Most people have a preference for a partner who is independent, financially stable and with a decent career and job prospects. You live with your mother, there's no indication that that's going to change any time soon if at all, you presumably don't make enough to comfortably live independently and you do part-time and unskilled work and have minimal marketable job skills and prospects which, again, there's no indication that you're doing anything to improve. People, but specifically women, prefer partners who are ambitious/go-getters. Despite reaching adulthood 12 or 13 years ago, you've never moved out of home and lived independently and you've been at the same unskilled dead-end job for over 10 years, so judging by your living and employment situations, you are the antithesis of ambitious.

So what do you have going for you? Well I'd assume you're a cordial, kind-hearted man who cares about those close to you, but if that's all you've got to offer a woman, well quite frankly it's not enough, as your experience should tell you.

If you don't work towards improving your living situation, employment situation, financial situation, dietary situation, physical appeal or any combination of those until you're an appealing enough prospective partner for a woman to consider dating, you will continue to allow years and years of your life pass you by without any improvements to your romantic situation. You need to set some life goals and get working on them quick-smart if you want any hope of finding yourself a romantic partner. If you don't choose to, it's no skin off my nose, but just know that your own complacency is the driving force behind your failure. Not what your parents did or didn't do when you were younger, not your older brother, not what other people told you, not the bible belt, but your unwillingness to step up to the plate and do what's required to attract a woman into your life.

If you don't want to be commiserating about the same problems by the time you're 40, you'd best start becoming an independent, financially stable, healthy adult now. If you don't, then you only have yourself to blame, and don't be surprised when people get tired of hearing you complain about the same problems endlessly when you're not taking the measures necessary to solve them.


:cheers:


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Marknis
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03 Mar 2019, 10:27 am

serpentari wrote:
that is basically what i wrote in the start of this emm, thread. welcome to the ranks of detractors, inq)


What happened to this?
serpentari wrote:
okay. i stand corrected. just on that little bit. ty for verifying, Bea. (then again, i said "i didnt see". and i am not omnipresent ^^). the bulk of my point stands, and i wont be posting in this thread again.


I don't consider The Grand Inquisitor to be a detractor.